'Twas three days before Christmas, and all through the house . . .

. . . aw, the hell with it, I don't have time to write a whole frickin' "The Night Before Christmas" parody. I do, however, have time for Hey Jenny Slater's annual tribute to the Sexy Santa costume.

This year, instead of Alessandra Ambrosio, we kick off with Heidi Klum singing "Santa Baby."





As I'm typing this, it's 29 degrees in Birmingham. So she'd be very cold if she was wearing that right now.



Michelle Monaghan in "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," which I've never actually seen but meant to because I heard it was good (and not just because of the Sexy Santa-ing).



An Arizona Cardinals cheerleader who looks a hell of a lot better than her team did last Sunday.



A Carolina Panthers cheerleader, ditto.



And I guess this is kind of stretching the definition of "Sexy Santa costume," but Lucy Pinder (left) gets special dispensation. And it's my blog, so lay off.

Merry Christmas, dorks -- drive safe if you're traveling this holiday season, but once you get where you're going, eat too much and get fucking wasted. Do it for the children.