What happens in Akron . . .

Some stories make me sad because there are so many jokes and I can never make them all . . .

AKRON, Ohio — Ohio police say a 52-year-old woman was attacked on her first day as an exotic dancer by a jealous co-worker wielding a stiletto heel.

Akron police Lt. Rick Edwards says the woman was assailed Friday night by a co-worker who didn't think the club needed more dancers. Police say one of the dancers took her stiletto and repeatedly struck the woman in the face as she walked into the basement dressing room.

The woman was treated at a hospital and received seven staples.

. . . so I'll simply say this: If you are so insecure in the continued stability of your exotic-dancing job that the presence of a 52-year-old on your club's payroll threatens you, maybe you should be the one to quit.

A million thanks to my college friend Andrea, who's getting a basket of mini-muffins for Twittering this.