The Friday Random Ten+5 salutes the motherland (and hopes for a semi-Miracle On Ice).

I don't spend a tremendous amount of time following ice hockey, but I've been watching a lot of it during the Olympics, as the Slovak national hockey team has progressed steadily through group play and now the single-elimination playoffs. Slovakia, of course, is the motherland of my mom's side of the family, and they've bitchmade Russia and Sweden so far on their way to facing Canada tonight in the semifinals. Win, and they would face the winner of U.S.-Finland in the gold-medal match; lose, and they still have a chance to pick up a bronze medal in the consolation match on Sunday. Either way, it would be Slovakia's first medal in Olympic hockey since splitting from the Czech Republic back in 1993.

The team's run in Vancouver has been a source of ancestral pride, but it's hardly the only thing Slovakia has to be proud of, so I decided to devote this week's +5 to the motherland: Five Things You Might Not Have Known Were Awesome About Slovakia.



The Tatras
No, not the Ta-tas, perv. The Tatras are the mountain range that stretch across Slovakia's northern border with Poland and are the highest peaks in central Europe; having been to Slovakia about 10 years ago, I can attest that they are beautiful, and they're a part of the landscape just about wherever you go in the country. Maybe one of these days Slovakia will get to host the Olympics, and then we'll see who's got the raucous home crowds for hockey matches, Canada.



The Slovak resistance in World War II
Slovakia actually had one of the more active resistance groups during the Nazi domination of Europe at the height of World War II, and mounted a two-month-long rebellion against the country's collaborationist government in 1944. Even though the "Slovak National Uprising" was eventually defeated by a large contingent of Nazi troops sent into the country, it continued guerilla operations for another six months and kept the Germans busy until the Red Army could roll in and rout the last of the Nazi occupiers from the country in March of '45. (Granted, the Soviets turned out to be not that much better from a dictatorial-occupying-power standpoint than the Germans had been, but you take your victories where you can find them.)




They have an American football team
A few weeks ago, CBS's "Sunday Morning" did a segment about a league of teams playing American football in France and profiling some of the players who'd come over from the U.S. to play in it (one of whom, incidentally, was former Georgia QB Blake Barnes). Turns out there is an American football team in Slovakia, too -- the Bratislava Monarchs, who moved from the Central European Football League to the Czech League of American Football last year and went undefeated through their first regular season of CAAF play before losing to the Prague Lions in Czech Bowl XIII. (Yes, it's called the Czech Bowl. And yes, it is a league in which the Lions can win the championship. It really is kind of surreal.)



Tom Selleck
Tom's father, Robert, came to America from Slovakia before World War II, and his son went on to star as Magnum, P.I., for eight seasons, thus providing thousands of young men of my generation with an inspiring life goal: to live rent-free on a breathtaking Hawaiian estate, drive around in a tomato-red Ferrari, squire around a choice selection of the island's hottest women, and solve murders. I'm still working on that one, of course, though I do have a friend in Honolulu whose couch I can crash on once I finally decide to kick that plan into motion.



Slovak chicks
Slovakia meets the high standards of female talent set by the rest of the former Eastern Bloc, not only with the steady stream of supermodels they turn out each year but with a host of tennis players as well, such as Dominika Cibulková and Daniela Hantuchová, who was featured in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue last year. Slovakia spends a lot of time in the Czech Republic's shadow, but in this area, at least, they play second fiddle to no one.

The puck drops between Slovakia and Canada tonight at 9:30. I will be in front of the TV, and I'll have my jersey on.

The ten:

1. Thievery Corporation, "Encounter in Bahia"
2. Kraak and Smaak, "Squeeze Me"
3. Richard Cheese, "Butterfly"
4. The Pixies, "I Bleed"
5. R.E.M., "The Wrong Child"
6. The Farm, "Rising Sun"
7. Beck, "Ramshackle"
8. Erasure, "A Little Respect"
9. Alex Heffes, "Bukom Mashie"
10. Patton Oswalt, "Married & Single"

OK, so where are y'all's "people" from? Sing your homeland's praises in the comments (even if you can only trace them as far back as, say, New Jersey), and throw your own Random Tens in there while you're at it.

The Friday Random Ten+5 ponders life after Kiffykins.

Earlier this week I managed to establish, in quantitative terms, that former Tennessee head coach Lane Kiffin was actually a dumber hire for USC than Chan "Beige Alert" Gailey was for the Buffalo Bills. No need to thank me; I do it for the kids. But simply making a determination like that is only of so much use if it doesn't come with any suggestions as to who might be better. When Kiffykins inevitably gets shown the door in L.A. after three or four seasons of not coming within 100 miles of the Rose Bowl (metaphorically speaking, of course -- the stadium itself is actually just a quick drive up the 110 from the USC campus), they're gonna need some names, stat.

Well, guess who's got 'em? OK, yeah, Jimmy Sexton, but guess who else? That's right, I do. Don't ever say I never gave you anything, Trojans, because somewhere in this post is your next football coach -- today's +5 is Five People Who Would Make A Better Head Coach Of The USC Trojans Than Lane Kiffin.



Tom Selleck
Kiffykins fancies himself a badass, but he's not even in the same badass solar system as Magnum, P.I., who attended USC on a basketball scholarship in the 1960s. (According to Wikipedia, while in college he made two appearances on "The Dating Game" and lost both times, which is bullshit -- what kind of woman turns down The Selleck?) Based on his experience in films such as "Three Men and a Baby," we know he responds well to high-stress situations; based on his time as Magnum, we know he can restore the swagger to what was, until recently, the invincible hope-crusher of the Pac-10.



Ruffin McNeill
Came within an eyelash of getting Texas Tech's head-coaching position after leading them to a 10-point win in the Alamo Bowl as the interim coach. Turned around the languishing Red Raider defense almost singlehandedly. And don't tell me he's not a leader of men -- if he can train a shrimpy little white guy like Little Mac into a Mike-Tyson-beater, he can coach the shit out of the Trojans.



Song Girl Erin
Young. Energetic. Motivated. Loyal as all-get-out to the Trojans. And let's be honest here: As much credit as Kiffin gets for being a balls-out recruiter, if Lane Kiffin asked you to do something and Erin asked you to do something, whose request would you be more likely to fulfill?



Dave Wannstedt
If all the Trojans are looking for is a guy who tanked in the NFL but has been so-so as a college head coach, why not go with a more proven quantity in the Wannstache, who at least managed to win 10 games this season? Kiffin's barely won 10 games in his career.



Rick Neuheisel
They'd never get him, of course, 'cause Slick Rick's a UCLA man born and raised, but Neuheisel was perfecting the cheeky-young-douchebag-coach shtick when Lane Kiffin was still begging his dad to let him take the Buick out on Friday nights. No angel as far as NCAA sanctions are concerned, but let's be real here, if USC gave a rat's ass about that then they wouldn't have hired Kiffin in the first place. Won a Cotton Bowl at Colorado and a Rose Bowl at Washington, both of which have mostly stunk on ice since he left; UCLA may still be paddling its way back to respectability at the moment, but don't be surprised if, a few years from now, the Trojans are casting envious glances up I-5 at what Neuheisel's been able to put together in Westwood.

No, no, USC, this one's on the house -- as is the Random Ten:

1. Paul Simon, "You Can Call Me Al"
2. When in Rome, "The Promise"
3. Gnarls Barkley, "Open Book"
4. General Public, "Taking the Day Off"
5. Nouvelle Vague, "The Killing Moon"
6. Pet Shop Boys, "One More Chance"
7. Nouvelle Vague, "Fade to Grey"
8. Billy Joel, "Uptown Girl"
9. Lou Reed, "Walk on the Wild Side"
10. A Tribe Called Quest, "Go Ahead in the Rain"

Happy Friday, folks -- your Random Tens and/or suggestions for better options than Kiffykins are welcome in the comments.

BlogPoll roundtable #4: The home stretch.

Hokie blog College Game Balls has the honors of hosting the latest installment of the BlogPoll roundtable, and it's a pretty interesting mix of questions. Thankfully, "Who was the most overrated team in the preseason top 10" was not among them. Let us begin:

1. By now everyone has heard that if there is a three-way tie in the Big 12 South, the highest-ranked team in the BCS will play in the Big 12 Championship Game. That means the humans (66% of the BCS Poll) will determine the Big 12 South representative. Let’s assume Oklahoma sinks the pirate ship at home next week. Try to sway the pollsters by arguing which team you think should face off against the Big 12 North.


As you'll recall, Stoops didn't enjoy this handshake much last year.

If Oklahoma wins big, as in by double digits, and does the same to Oklahoma State the following week, then send the Sooners to the Big 12 title match. They’d be the first team all season to have outscored the diabolical Mike Leach offensive machine, and a big win over the Cowboys would be more impressive than Texas’s four-point victory earlier in the season, as well as a sign that OU is playing at a higher level than anyone in the conference at that point. And if there’s a three-way tie atop the division, in which each team has both beaten someone and lost to someone in that little love triangle, you might as well send the team that’s playing the best football at that moment.

However, if Oklahoma barely squeaks by the Red Raiders and/or loses to the Cowboys in Stillwater, then I think you have to send Texas. You can’t ding the Longhorns too hard for losing to TTU on literally the next-to-last play of the game, and you also have to give them at least a little credit for holding the Raiders to their third-lowest point total of the season. And, of course, you also have to take into account the fact that the ‘Horns beat Oklahoma by 10 earlier this year, a feat which (I think) would be more impressive than just barely beating Texas Tech, particularly if Oklahoma gives up a bajillion points in the process like I think they’re going to.

Does any of that make sense? Hopefully, if OU does knock off Texas Tech, they’ll at least go and lose to Oklahoma State and save us all a lot of trouble.

2. ESPN is aggressively bidding on the rights to the BCS when Fox’s contract expires after the 2009 season. My half baked theory is if they do win the rights they will push for a +1 system. Lucrative television deals have landed ESPN in bed with each of the BCS conferences. The revenue a playoff would generate could be a huge motivator for the four letter to be the common denominator and unifier among the conferences that finally helps them all to see the light of why a playoff would be good for college football. Help expand upon or debunk this theory.


Get out of here and take your extraneous marching-band shots with you.

Ehh, as much as I’d like to see some kind of plus-one implemented, I don’t see it coming that much closer to fruition just because ESPN has muscled the BCS rights back from Fox. There’s still going to be the same old inertia there due to the old “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy — which, in this case, might be more accurately depicted as an “If it ain’t broke and it’s making us an un-f%$#ing-believable amount of money, don’t fix it” philosophy. As long as millions of college football fans are still watching — and they will be — there’s less incentive for ESPN to push for any major changes, particularly as long as the Jim Delaney/Rose Bowl Axis of Douche is determined to stand in the way. And the one thing that might’ve prompted Delaney to get off his stubbornly traditionalist high horse this year — Penn State going 12-0 but getting left out of the national title game — isn’t going to happen.

3. Rivalry week is around the corner. How do you think your team will fare? Feel free to talk a little or a lot of trash.

I’d talk a lot more trash if a win over Georgia Tech was as bankable as it’s been the last seven years, but there’s no guarantee that we’re going to make it eight in a row. Overall, Tech’s talent level is significantly lower than Georgia’s, but then, we thought the same thing about Auburn and Kentucky. And the new triple-option offensive scheme that Paul Johnson implemented on the Flats this year just happens to match up with what has been our biggest weakness over the past few games, i.e. a rapidly collapsing run defense. Like Paul Westerdawg, I’m hopeful that even in the event of a big day from the GT running attack, Georgia’s balanced and supremely talented offense will be able to stay a step ahead of them. But I still think we’re going to need at least one big defensive stand, or a bunch of screw-ups (read: turnovers) by the Tech offense, to put them away.

God, what a miserable answer. I can’t believe I’m at the point where I’m sweating Tech. That’s like staying in your room with the door locked because you’re afraid your 10-year-old little brother is going to come in and beat you up.


Ooooh, is that a . . . pass rush? I remember those! They were awesome!

4. And now for a little fun … Assemble your dream announcing team. Pick a play-by-play announcer, color commentator, sideline reporter and for the hell of it celebrity guest that drops on by.

Awesome question. Well, my play-by-play guy would obviously be Ron Franklin, but I’m sure at least half the people answering this question are gonna say that, so if he’s unavailable, I’ll take Uncle Verne Lundquist. Both of those guys are absolute masters of their craft whose voices pretty much defined Saturday afternoons/evenings for me during my formative years as a rabid Georgia fan.

As for the color guy? Call me crazy, but I really like Kirk Herbstreit. He knows his shit, and he’s enthusiastic without being overbearing; with a lot of guys in that particular chair, you can kind of see/hear the wheels turning in their head as if they’re thinking, “Ohh, this is big, how can I be sufficiently bombastic that people will forever associate my voice with this game?”, but Herbstreit doesn’t do that. He’s still got a little bit of that Big Ten homerism to work out, but he’s gotten better at that. Runner-up: Ron Jaworski, who’s finally getting his due props for being an absolute master of the game, analysis-wise, with his gig on Monday Night Football. Don’t know how well he’d carry over from the NFL to the college game, but I wouldn’t mind finding out.

Sideline reporter: Sorry, I’m gonna have to go with another likely common answer, and that’s Erin Andrews. She gets the nod by being a) hot and b) smart enough at her job to deserve it even if she wasn’t hot. My left-field answer, though, is Holly Anderson, who would bring the halftime interview to a whole new level of entertaining.


"Where are we this weekend? Oklahoma-Texas Tech? Fine, let me gas up the Ferrari and I'll be there in thirty minutes."

And finally, my special celebrity guest: The Selleck. Has to be. He went to USC on a basketball scholarship, but the Trojans won the national title his senior year, so I’d be surprised if he was completely oblivious to football. The one caveat, though, would that he’d have to appear in the booth wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a Detroit Tigers cap. This would not be negotiable.