Manic-Depressive Preview: Servin' up a little bile and condescension for Thanksgiving.

The Manic-Depressive Previewers have had a week off to lick their wounds from the Auburn game -- well, Depressive Doug licked his wounds, Manic Doug got blazing drunk and loudly predicted to anyone who would listen how it's only a matter of time before Cam Newton gets declared ineligible and the NCAA blasts Auburn's football program back into the leather-helmet era. Either way, though, they've had some time off and are now tanned, rested, and ready to go full speed ahead for this weekend's clash of the titans -- or, perhaps more accurately, clash of the Titanics? -- between Georgia and Georgia Tech this weekend.

Manic Doug: Woohoooo!!!! Time for some Clean Old-Fashioned Hate, bro! Man, this is always my favorite time of the season, 'cause it means I get to whip out my best insults and give those pretentious, pasty-skinned, no-social-life-having dicklicks at Tech the carpet-bombing they deserve.

Depressive Doug: Yeah, and it's always my least favorite time of the season, because I have to sit here and cover my head while you jinx the crap out of us with your overconfidence.

MD: First of all, every time is your least favorite time of the year, from the looks of things. Second of all, how have I "jinxed" us, exactly? Oh, no, we've only won eight out of the last nine times! Clearly I'm the kiss of death!

DD: OK, so you got a pass for the Chan Gailey years. Between him and Patrick Nix, even your bad karma couldn't power them to a win. But even you have to admit that it's kind of a new ballgame with Paul Johnson as their head coach.

MD: Did we beat them last year or didn't we? Then clearly it isn't that new a ballgame.

DD: Maybe not, but you can't seriously sit there and call Tech a gimme win anymore. Even last year, they still managed to ring up more than 200 net rushing yards on us, and they came very close to erasing that two-touchdown lead we had at halftime on a number of occasions.

MD: "Came very close" still adds up to "lost" in my book. I mean, if even Willie Martinez can eventually figure out how to handle Paul Johnson's triple-option, I think Todd Grantham can probably pull it off.

DD: In a year when we're still trying to master the 3-4 defense in the twelfth game of the season? And still don't have a clue as to how to stop a mobile QB?

MD: OK, sit down a second, 'cause daddy's gonna tell you why this "mobile QB" thing everybody's been worrying about with respect to Georgia Tech is a load of bunk. The mobile quarterbacks we've had problems with this year have all been guys who could throw -- Tyler Hansen, Trey Burton, Cam Newton. But this Tech offense can't throw to save its life. Losing Demaryius Thomas to the NFL draft has completely taken away their only sure-fire deep threat; it's dropped their per-game passing yardage by more than 50 and their team pass efficiency from 12th in the nation to 110th. And that was even before their starting QB went out for the season with a wrist injury. With Josh Nesbitt gone, they're even less inclined to pass, meaning we can devote our full attention to loading up on the line and playing assignments against the triple-option.

DD: Yeah, which worked out just swell two years ago, when their passing game was just as much an afterthought as it is now and they still managed to roll us for 409 yards. While completing one pass the entire afternoon.

MD: Again, though, that was with Nesbitt, not to mention Jonathan Dwyer, who's also gone off to the NFL.

DD: Their leading rusher in that game was actually Roddy Jones, who went off on us for 214.

MD: And who barely has more than that for the entire 2010 season. I'm telling you, dude, people have started figuring out the Tech offense, just like I said they would. They're going to get some yards this weekend, but not nearly enough to matter.

DD: You don't think so?

MD: No, because a run-dominant, grind-it-out offense isn't gonna be able to keep up on the scoreboard with an offense that has as many weapons as we've got. Remember, Tech's trying to transition to a 3-4 front too, and they haven't mastered it any better than we have. They certainly don't have the personnel to cover A.J. Green, pressure Murray, and stack up against the run consistently.

DD: A.J. I'll grant you. The other two I wouldn't be quite so sure about -- you know how up-and-down our running game has been, and we haven't been all that consistent in pass protection, either.

MD: But Tech's pass rush has been practically nonexistent -- they've only got 16 sacks for the entire year. As for their ability to stop the run, you know how one of the biggest complaints about our defense this year is that we still don't have a dominant guy at nose tackle who can draw double-teams and plug up the middle? Tech's guy in the middle is Logan Walls, who's no bigger than any of our guys are. I'm not saying we're gonna out-rush them like we did last year -- though that'd be awesome -- but between Caleb King and Washaun Ealey, I'll bet cash money that at least one of them goes over 100 yards.

DD: Well, I can see you've been cured of your overconfidence regarding Tech. Bra-vo.

MD: You know, the more I think about this game the more I wonder what in the hell you're so worried about. Their offense is performing at a way lower level than it did in Paul Johnson's first years, and they're missing three of their most important playmakers from those teams. Again, it's not like we're going to completely dominate them in terms of rushing yards, but as long as we nail the fundamentals and wrap them up when we're tackling -- which seems a lot more likely given that we've been having full-pads, full-contact practices all week -- they're not going to be able to do to us what they did in 2008. And they're certainly not going to be able to match the speed with which we can put points on the board. A.J. is going to have another career day for the NFL scouts, Caleb and Washaun are going to clean up the rest, and we're going to win 42-20.



DD: Somehow I'm not the least bit surprised that you see a blowout happening this weekend. I, on the other hand, see a shootout. Full-contact practices or no, we're still crossing our fingers and hoping that our D-coordinator, talented though he may be, can hold down a triple-option offensive attack he never had to game-plan against in the NFL. I see the Techies being geeked up at a chance to get revenge for last year's game and win one for their injured QB, and I think they're going to win 34-30.

MD: You Judas. It's one thing for you to pick a team like Florida or Auburn to win, but Tech is the lowest of the low, the program that combines worthless football team and pissy, annoying fan base like no other program on our schedule. And you're going to pick them to deny us a bowl bid?

DD: If you want to talk obnoxious fans, I think you're really splitting hairs if you're trying to draw any distinction between Tech and Florida. But yes, I think we're staying home for bowl season this year.

MD: Unacceptable. I've keyed people's cars for less.

DD: Well, considering that we drive the same car, I hope you'll manage to maintain some semblance of self-control in this case. And considering that our predictions average out to what looks like a pretty convincing 36-27 Georgia win, maybe you can just let this one go.

MD: Maybe. I can forget. But I can't forgive.

(pause)

DD: So . . . you're eventually going to forget we even had this disagreement, but you're going to hold a grudge against me anyway?

MD: I know what I said.

DD: Yeah, and the sad thing is, I wouldn't put something that ridiculous past you, either. How about instead of not making any sense you grace us all with the Associated Hottie so that we can get out of here and crush some turkey.

MD: Not falling for that one, G. You know there aren't any hot girls at Tech. Searching for an Associated Hottie to represent the Jackets would be like trying to find a college graduate at an Insane Clown Posse show.

DD: Perhaps, but I did manage to find this on the Web somewhere.



MD: Huh. Wow. Who's that?

DD: Jamie Eason, I think her name is -- a "fitness model" by trade, or some such.

MD: Interesting. You realize, of course, that there's no way in hell she went to Tech.

DD: Oh, of course not. Really the only question is how much they had to pay her to wear that shirt.

MD: At least four figures would be my guess. Can you imagine what would happen if an actual male Tech student was ever approached by a chick like that?

DD: Barely, but either way, I'd want to grab some popcorn and watch the show.

MD: Yeah. See, you're getting into this.

DD: Hey, while I may be a voice of doom and misery when it comes to our football team, you will never hear me speak of Tech fans as anything other than annoying, comically maladjusted, disgusting people.

MD: That's the spirit! And on this day of giving thanks, I think it's appropriate to express our undying gratitude that, whatever happens on the football field, we're not them.



DD: Indeed. God bless us, every one.

You know where you went wrong.

Stand tall, soldier.

You all know me as someone who never likes to appear too confident about the Dawgs before any given game; I get jacked, sometimes bare-assed flag-wavingly so, about wins, but during the course of an average week I'm probably a lot closer to Depressive Doug from the Manic-Depressive Previews than his counterpart. So when I looked Holly square in the eye Saturday morning before we packed up for Auburn and said "We're gonna win," that was a big step for me. Between Georgia historically playing well on Auburn's home field even when the Tigers are astronomically ranked, Auburn's shittastic defense, the Dawgs having shrugged off their early-season losing streak, the potential for distraction on Auburn's side and, fuck it, Auburn just being due for a loss, I really thought we had a chance.

And I was right -- for a quarter, at least. No, check that: I was right for a lot longer than that. The commentator on ESPN Radio the next morning said Auburn "dominated" as he was rattling off the weekend's scores, but I didn't see anyone get dominated in Jordan-Hare. "Dominating" teams don't fall behind 21-7 or lead by only four going into the final quarter. The Dawgs hung in there better than you or I or probably most of the people in the stadium thought they would, and I tip my cap to 'em.

But as confident as I was (or tried to appear) before the game, I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said that confidence remained consistent for the full 60 minutes. It started waning around the end of the second quarter, at which point Auburn had erased their two-touchdown deficit and appeared to have wrestled momentum back from the Dawgs -- and Georgia, despite about a minute on the clock, one time-out and a clicking passing game, declined any attempt at answering back. (Which reminds me, we did the same thing against Kentucky and ended up going into the locker room with all three time-outs still languishing on the board.) Even as the bands played at halftime, I found myself thinking, "You know, these are just the kinds of circumstances under which we're prone to just completely fucking things up."


"Yup, this is where things start going pear-shaped. Got it."

And then Auburn hit a beaut of an on-side kick to start the second half, they charged down the field for a TD on the ensuing drive, and my prediction started coming true. Well, not really: We didn't "fuck things up" in a visibly disastrous way, but it became clear that Auburn had found another gear and shrugged off earlier frustrations to hit a level of intensity that just weren't quite able to match.

I guess you can't get too mad about that, given that Auburn is the #2 team in the country and armed with the nation's best player, who, for obvious reasons, had to have been playing the second half pissed. But it does get back to a complaint of mine that's been lingering around this team for three years now: We deal with success worse than anyone in the SEC, perhaps the country. For the most part, we deal with adversity just fine -- look at how we bounced back in the second half of the Cocktail Party -- but God forbid we ever build up a big lead against a good team, we'll immediately start hunting for ways to piss it away. Hit a big play for a score, give up a huge return on the ensuing kickoff. Mount a nice drive down the field, drop a crucial third-down pass or just fumble the ball away entirely. So it goes. I'm sure it says something unpleasant about the state of our program that we're this unaccustomed to good things happening, but that's where we're at.


You will be shocked, shocked, to learn that Murray doesn't have the ball in this picture.

Don't know how much more there is to say about it, other than congrats, Nick Fairley, you did what many thought was impossible and wrested the title of Dirtiest Player in the Country away from your teammate Ryan Pugh. I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed that Auburn's defense only started getting consistent stops when Fairley dropped any pretense of not trying to put Aaron Murray in the hospital? Good luck trying that in Sanford next year, kiddo. And whether it's because of the NCAA or the NFL, I doubt you'll have Cam Newton on hand to cover up for the rest of your defense sucking.

Sorry, how unsportsmanlike of me. I shall do the honorable thing and eject myself from this blog.

But not before a few passing thoughts:

· Both Oregon and Auburn were tested Saturday, and while Auburn shrugged off that test more easily than the Ducks did, I'm inclined to keep Oregon as the #1 on my initial BlogPoll ballot tomorrow, for one simple reason: If Oregon and Auburn end up in the national title game, I've got a lot more confidence in the Ducks' defense being able to come up with a critical stop against the Tigers than in the Tigers' ability to do so against the Ducks.

· Of all the coaches in Division I-A, I never dreamed Bret Bielema would be the one I'd be criticizing for being too big a pussy to go for 90.


Leaving aside for a moment any jokes about the best team in the ACC being sorta like the prettiest girl in the insane asylum . . .

· I don't know if y'all have been following Virginia Tech at all or if you gave them up for dead after they lost to James Madison, but they've now broken off eight wins in a row and appear destined for another ACC title. So is it too early to write off the JMU loss as the product of an embarrassing hangover following a heartbreaker of a loss to Boise State -- the undefeated team that all the TV pundits seem to want in the national-title game?

· UAB Blazers Watch: Wow, you talk about not being able to handle success. UAB scored a TD with 9:41 left in the game to go up 42-34 on East Carolina, and here's how the rest of the quarter went: ECU drives down the field to score a TD and come within two; UAB three-and-out; ECU returns the punt to the UAB 11, scores three plays later to go up 48-42; UAB fumbles the ensuing kickoff, ECU scores four plays later to go up by 12. And, of course, UAB throws an interception at the Pirates' 6 on their last-gasp drive. Thus are the Blazers eliminated from bowl consideration. Fun while it lasted, I guess.

· Wofford Terriers Watch: As if this weekend wasn't soul-crushing enough, the Terriers got shut out in the first half on the way to a 43-13 demolition by Appalachian State. So even if WU beats Chattanooga in their season finale this weekend, they'll lose the tiebreaker to ASU for the Southern Conference championship.

On the other hand, I just realized that Wofford University's initials are WU, as in "-Tang Clan," which is yet more evidence in support of their awesomeness. So they've got that going for them. Which is nice.

Manic-Depressive Preview: If you've got any more Prayers on the Plains, now'd be the time to use 'em.

So we're nearing the end of a difficult season, and the Dawgs now sit at 5-5, and at a crossroads -- they've got two big rivals left, Auburn and Georgia Tech, and they're gonna have to beat at least one of them to make it to a bowl this year. Will they make it? Manic Doug, who watched every last second of the Dawgs' 55-7 beatdown of Idaho State last week, and Depressive Doug, who used the time to catch up on his flossing, bring you their views and predictions on the first of those two matchups here. You probably will not be surprised to find what their respective positions are.

Manic Doug: So has Cam Newton been suspended yet?

Depressive Doug: Seriously? Is that what you're waiting on? 'Cause if it is, this is gonna be the shortest preview we've ever done.

MD: No, Eeyore, I'm just trying to feel out every angle I can. Any little competitive edge we can get is gonna help us.

DD: First of all, I'm sure Mr. Newton is ever so flattered by your characterization of him as a "little" edge, not to mention the Heisman Foundation. Second, am I to infer from this that you're actually worried about the Dawgs' chances with him in the game?

MD: Well, of course I'm worried, dumbass. I'm an optimist and an aggressive drunk, not a complete idiot. But I'm not about to sit here and say that having to face the best player in the country automatically dooms us to a loss.

DD: Well, no problem there. I'll be happy to do it for you.

MD: What a shock. OK, then, answer me this: Can you name one guy on Auburn's offense besides Newton?

DD: Michael Dyer, running back. Darvin Adams, receiver. Mario Fannin, receiver. Lee Ziemba, offensive guard.

MD: Well, that one kind of blew up in my face.

DD: Onterrio McCalebb, running back. Philip Lutzenkirchen, tight end . . . shall I go on?

MD: Well, congratulations, you read your Phil -- wait, Lutzenkirchen? You made that up. Or else he's a character from a Dr. Seuss book.



DD: Nope, he's quite real, and he's got nine receptions for 81 yards and two TDs this season.

MD: Oh, well! Nine catches for eighty-one whole yards? Screw Cam Newton, it's obvious they don't need him!

DD: Are you anywhere close to making a point here? 'Cause if not, I'd love to go ahead and put in that DVD of the third season of "Mad Men" we were watching earlier, if it's all the same to you.

MD: What I'm saying is that while yes, there are other players on Auburn's roster, none of them have come close to making the kind of contribution that Newton has. Even you have to admit it's pretty much a one-man show. If we stop Newton, we've got a chance at winning. It's that simple.

DD: Yeah, and if I was Superman I could reverse the earth's rotation, go back in time and keep A.J. Green from selling that fucking jersey. So what? How do you propose we stop him?

MD: We don't have to stop him . . . if he stops himself.

(long, very weird pause)

DD: Was there supposed to be some music there? I feel like something was supposed to happen there that didn't happen.

MD: Yeah, I had Dramatic Chipmunk cued up, and then my computer froze on me. Hold on, you take a moment to admire this week's Associated Hottie, model and Auburn polymer engineering major Scarlet South, while I try to make this thing work.



DD: I'm not sure what I find harder to believe about that statement -- the idea that her real name is "Scarlet South," or the idea that there's a chick who looks like that anywhere who's majoring in polymer engineering.

MD: You want to go look it up, be my guest. All right, here we go. What was I saying again?

DD: Something about Cam Newton "stopping himself" that I can only imagine was beyond inane.

MD: Right, right. OK. We won't have to stop Cam Newton . . . if he stops himself.



DD: Bra-fucking-vo. You want to explain this line of thinking before I start regretting having asked in the first place?

MD: OK, check it: For the last two weeks all we've heard about are scandals about Cam Newton -- why he left Florida, what his grades were like, whether his own dad was shopping him around out of junior college, even what kind of traffic citations he ran up while he was at UF. Last week that didn't matter, because Auburn was only playing Chattanooga, and they were never going to keep him out there for that long anyway. But against Georgia, an actual team, and with this recruiting scandal blowing up bigger and bigger with each passing day, that's got to wear on him a bit, don't you think? Cause a bit of a distraction?

DD: OK, you know what? If we were playing stellar defense right now, I might actually be somewhat inclined to agree with you. To a point. But you can't honestly believe that "distraction" alone is going to be able to keep Cam Newton from running wild on us.

MD: Why wouldn't it? Auburn's offense is clearly biased toward the run, and I don't know if you noticed or not, but Georgia's got the #13 run defense in the entire country. And only a tick behind South Carolina in the SEC.

DD: Yeah, fine, but it's one thing to clamp down on the running attack of a team like Idaho State or Vanderbilt. We still can't stop a running QB to save our lives. You saw what Trey Burton did to us a couple weeks ago, right? And even Burton's not anywhere close to the level that Cam Newton's playing at right now.

MD: But we've got another ace in the hole, which is that Auburn can't pass. Their aerial attack is ranked 73rd in the nation at the moment -- they're just barely getting up over 200 passing yards per game.

DD: Can't pass, or just doesn't need to? They may be going to the air only sparingly, but Newton is still number two in the country in pass efficiency. He's completing more than two-thirds of his passes and has only thrown five picks all year, compared to 19 interceptions. Hell, he went off for 317 yards passing against Chattanooga just last week.

MD: Pfffft. Chattanooga. You don't think we can clamp down on their receivers a little better than the Mocs did? Is that all the credit you're prepared to give us?

DD: All I'm saying is, the dude can pass, whether they actually need him to or not.

MD: Look, is Cam Newton going to roll up some yards? Of course he is. And is Auburn going to score some points? Sure. But I refuse to believe that we can't keep up with them on the scoreboard. Look at the points they've let people roll up -- 27 to South Carolina, 34 to Kentucky, 43 to Arkansas. Hell, they even gave up 24 to Chattanooga, and not all of that in garbage time, either.

DD: So what you're telling me is that Georgia's going to be able to keep up with the SEC's best offense in both yardage and scoring, huh? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this?

MD: Why not? Auburn has the second-worst pass defense in the league right now. And you've seen what Aaron Murray can do when the opposing defense has A.J. Green to worry about. Even against Florida, even in a game where he threw three picks, he still managed to go off for three TDs and more than 300 yards. And that was against a good secondary. Auburn's pass defense is going to be ripe for the picking.

DD: Well, if Murray decides to throw three picks again this weekend, we're fucked no matter how vulnerable their secondary supposedly is. But let's say, just for the sake of argument, that they really are going to play that badly against us. What if we can't keep Murray upright enough to take advantage?

MD: Why wouldn't we? Our pass protection has come around the last few weeks -- only three sacks allowed in the last month.

DD: Yeah, but none of those teams had a Nick Fairley to throw at us. Fairley is second in the SEC in sacks, right behind Justin Houston, and number one in tackles for loss. You'd better be crossing your fingers for both Aaron Murray and our running game with a guy like that on the other side of the line.

MD: Our running backs are going to be fine. Yeah, Auburn's run-defense stats look good on paper, but it's not like they've had to face that many elite running backs this year.

DD: I'm touched that you think our running backs qualify as "elite." OK, Pollyanna, hit me with your prediction -- just give me a second to get my popcorn ready, I'm sure it's gonna be a doozy.

MD: Well, again, it could very well be a shootout. But Auburn's gotten caught up in shootouts before -- Kentucky and Arkansas, right off the top of my head -- and we've got a better defense than Kentucky and a more balanced offense than Arkansas. I think we'll keep within striking distance of Auburn for most of the game, make a couple stops on defense when we need to, and then Aaron Murray will lead us down the field for the winning touchdown with less than 90 seconds to play -- sort of a replay of the "Prayer on the Plains" from 2002. Georgia wins, 37-34.

DD: That'd make for a great story, and I'd be as thrilled as anyone if it came to pass, but I just don't see it. I think Auburn, like four of the five teams who have beaten us this year, rockets down the field to a touchdown on their very first drive and puts up a multi-score lead on us before we even have a chance to blink. The offense gathers itself, starts getting into a rhythm, but they're playing out of a hole and the pass rush really has an opportunity to key in on Aaron Murray once it becomes clear we've got a big deficit to make up and not a lot of time to do it. Auburn wins big, 42-23.

MD: Wow. I mean, you've predicted losses here before -- lots of 'em -- but three touchdowns? That's depressing even by your standards.

DD: Maybe, but at least it's grounded in something resembling reality. You really think we're going into Auburn and coming out with a win over the number-two team in the nation?

MD: You act like we've never done this before. Four years ago, we were coming off that awful 1-4 stretch -- we'd managed to lose to Vanderbilt and Kentucky, lest you forget -- and we took advantage of an Auburn team that was ranked fifth in the nation but playing sloppy. Picked them off four times, won by three TDs. This year they've got the distraction of the Cam Newton situation, they're in danger of looking ahead to a huge Iron Bowl matchup in a couple weeks, we're playing in Auburn, where we've won six outta the last nine . . . and come on, you can't seriously think that a Gene Chizik team is gonna run the table, do you?

DD: Not really, but at this point it doesn't seem any less probable than a five-loss Georgia team knocking off a top-three Auburn squad led by a Heisman frontrunner.

MD: Man, fuck that. The intangibles all break in our favor. Auburn is the one feeling the pressure, both in terms of the national-title race and whatever the NCAA is looking into regarding Cam Newton. This is our time. This could be our chance . . . to stun the world.



(Another long and embarrassing pause)

DD: Yeah, if it's all the same to you, I'm gonna go put in the "Mad Men" DVD now.

MD: Well, our predictions average out to a 38-30 win for Auburn, so congratulations, you've managed to massively skew another one in favor of a Georgia opponent. But it's cool -- I'll be sure to bring you back an awesome souvenir from Auburn after we win. You know, since I'll be going to the game and all.

DD: Fan-flippin'-tastic. As long as you come home under your own power, as opposed to me having to come out to Auburn and bail you out of someplace, your clean criminal record is all the souvenir I need.

MD: Suit yourself. I'll do my best to stay out of trouble. . . . Or will I?

Time to think and time to kill.

Noticed a whole bunch of kids traipsing around downtown and North Campus yesterday morning as I was heading to the Tent City tailgate, which I suppose tells you everything you need to know about what kind of game this was. Paradoxically, it was the kind of game you'd have to be a real die-hard to give a crap about, yet the real die-hards all dumped their tickets on casual-fan acquaintances who could say, "Hey, great, I can take my kids to a real Georgia gameday and then leave at halftime before they start getting antsy." And leave at halftime they did, for with Georgia carrying a 41-0 lead into the third quarter, the stands already looked as depleted as, well, as I remember Legion Field being for the first quarter of your typical UAB game.

Given that Idaho State is not only a I-AA team but a I-AA team of a significantly lower competitiveness level even than most I-AA teams we've scheduled for executions in recent years, there ain't a whole lot worthwhile to take from Saturday, but I'll entertain you with what snippets I can:

· I'm not excited that we gave up an easy opportunity for a shutout by losing focus and allowing Idaho State a garbage-time TD in the fourth quarter, but I'll excuse it because a) I don't blame any of our players for looking ahead to Auburn and b) the guy who caught the shutout-negating TD was wide receiver Rodrick Rumble. He may be a player on a bad DI-AA team, but he's definitely got a I-A caliber name.

· Nice to see Bruce Figgins out there for the first time in what felt like three years. (Actually, the TD he caught right before halftime was his first in three years, so.) Still, seeing all those names in the box score -- 10 different guys caught passes for us Saturday, including Figgy, Marlon Brown, and Israel Troupe -- kinda made me wonder: Where the hell have those guys been all season? Troupe, in particular, I was really high on in the preseason, yet he's basically disappeared this year. A.J. Green was out for the first month of the season and we didn't try any harder than this to work those guys into the game plan?

· I hate calling out individual players for random dumbassery, but for reals, Vance Cuff is making a strong push for the Bryan Evans Dude Seriously What The Fuck Lifetime Achievement Award. Here's a sequence spanning the third and fourth quarters that kind of sums up #25's Georgia career in a nutshell: Three and a half minutes left in the third quarter, Cuff picks off Idaho State's QB and turns it around for Georgia's final score of the day. Eight and a half minutes of game time later, ISU's first drive of the fourth quarter, Cuff gets aced on a 33-yard pass reception that moves the Bengals into Georgia territory for the first time all day, and then on the very next play gets tagged for a PI call that moves ISU down to the Bulldog 25. Couple plays later, Idaho State passes for a touchdown and ends Georgia's shutout.

Actually, that's a pretty apt metaphor for Georgia football in general the past two or three seasons -- anything good is followed in relatively short order by something embarrassing. Which means that even if we do somehow pull a miracle next week and hand Auburn their first loss of the season, we'll just go out two weeks later and get blown off our own field by Tech. So it goes.

· You could tell Idaho State's offensive coaches were doing everything in their power to make sure their QBs got rid of the ball as soon as possible. The bad news is that plan worked well enough to hold Georgia to only one sack all day long, by Christian Robinson; the good news is that ISU's passers weren't terribly accurate when they were sped up like that, which was reflected in their combined 42.8 QB rating on the afternoon. (Starter Russel Hill, who completed two passes to his team and two to ours, finished with a 1.68.)



· I can't remember who pointed this out at the tailgate on Saturday -- if it was you, e-mail me and I'll give you full credit -- but in their five wins this season, Georgia's average margin of victory is 35.8 points. Their total margin of defeat in their five losses is 35 points. Now, granted, that stat is skewed somewhat by the fact that our five wins came against some truly horrendous competition -- none of whom is currently blessed with a winning record -- but to be that dominant in wins, and to be close enough even in the losses to average being within a single score every time, just shows to go you how close this team might've been to being something special this year.

Elsewhere:

· Did it seem like this weekend a) was fairly bereft of truly interesting games and b) kind of felt like the CFB equivalent of Sweeps Week, where all the big contenders (and even quite a few non-contenders) were running up ricockulous scores as if they were trying to impress people? Duke over Virginia, 55-48. Florida and Georgia each hitting the double-nickel against crap opponents. Oklahoma State hitting the double-nickel against a good opponent (Baylor, and when was the last time you were surprised at the Bears getting beaten that badly?). Sixty-four points for Tulsa, 76 for Navy in an opponent's home stadium, forty-seven for TCU in an opponent's home stadium and against a team the pollsters considered top-five at the time. Forty-two points and 737 total yards for Boise State; 63 points and 844 total yards for Nevada.

· And that's even before we get to the bizarre Michigan-Illinois game, which qualified as a shootout long before it went to triple OT. Maize & Blue fans, did you ever think you'd be celebrating a return to bowl eligibility directly following a game in which you gave up 65 points to Ron Zook?



· One more dose of humility for Dawg fans in a season that didn't really need another one -- Colorado led a fairly hapless Kansas team 35-10 at halftime and 45-17 in the fourth quarter, only to give up five TDs in barely 10 minutes of game time in the fourth quarter and lose by a touchdown. But we couldn't muster a fourth-quarter comeback against the Buffs even with A.J. Green on the field. Seriously, God, after all the good works Mark Richt has done in Your name, you'd think You'd treat a brother a little better than that.

· UAB Blazers Watch: Speaking of teams that can't ever do something good without immediately following it with a fuckup, the Blazers lost to Marshall by two TDs at home and now need to run the table against ECU, Memphis and Rice to make it to a bowl. The last two games are eminently winnable, and East Carolina's even winnable if you saw how horrendous their defense was against Navy, but many years of experience tells me UAB's seventh loss is almost assuredly just around the corner. Actually, what'll probably happen is they upset ECU next week and then get punked by Memphis at home the very next Saturday.

· Wofford Terriers Watch: Tweren't pretty, but the Terriers knocked off Samford 10-3 last Saturday to run their winning streak to eight games, and -- with Appalachian State having lost to Georgia Southern in OT the same day -- take sole possession of first place in the Southern Conference. Should Wofford win at App State this weekend, they'll clinch the conference title outright, which may be the one positive thing I get to take out of college football this year.

· And as long as we're talking Terriers, I should mention one last thing about the Georgia game, or more accurately the tailgate, which is to say that Jenna drank like a champion on Saturday -- she was feeling it a little the next morning, but was back up and at 'em by mid-afternoon, and for that she remains an inspiration to us all.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Yes, we're doing Idaho State.

After three straight inspiring wins, our previewers resumed having their hearts ripped directly from their chests last week. Each of them took the overtime loss to Florida in different ways -- Depressive Doug fully expected a demoralizing loss, so he just got drunk and went to bed. Manic Doug, however, drove all over the neighborhood playing Kool Keith's "Spankmaster" album at maximum volume and trying to pick up MILFs out trick-or-treating with their kids. (You don't want to know what his costume was.) Neither pursuit proved terribly productive, but they've done their best to shrug off their disappointment and put forth an effort to say something meaningful about this weekend's game against DI-AA Idaho State. Well, one of them did, at least.

Manic Doug: Dude. Get up, bro. Up and at 'em.

Depressive Doug: Why?

MD: 'Cause we have to preview Idaho State.

(long pause)

DD: No we don't. (rolls back over)

MD: Come on, man. If I have to do it, you have to do it.

DD: Why do either of us have to do it? I mean, it's Idaho State. They're a I-AA team, and they're not even a good I-AA team. We'll be lucky if even two-thirds of the people who bought tickets actually use them. Why are you so jazzed about doing this, anyway?

MD: I wouldn't say I'm jazzed, exactly, but at the very least, it'll be a nice way of bouncing back from the Cocktail Party and laying a hurtin' on someone. Build back some confidence, like. I'm gonna go tailgate, bring the dog, hang out in Athens for an afternoon . . . I'm even bringing donuts. Oh, and I even found an Associated Hottie -- Stacy Dragila, the first woman to ever win an Olympic gold medal in pole vault, went to Idaho State.



DD: Well, I'm very proud of you for finding that out, and hope you get to use that little nugget on "Jeopardy!" someday. But I don't care if she won 10 gold medals and cured cancer, it ain't enough to get me excited about this game. We'll probably spend the first quarter licking our wounds, only kick things into gear around halfway through the second quarter, hold an embarrassingly small lead at halftime, and then wear down their depth in the second half to make the final score look somewhat respectable. Whoop-dee-doo. Maybe if we'd beaten Florida I'd be up for this, but . . . seriously, dude, who cares.

MD: Yeah, you know what that sounds like? The prediction you gave right before the opener against Louisiana-Lafayette. Which we ended up winning 55-7. See, you're so convinced we're still gonna be bummed about the loss to Florida and come out flat and distracted, but I think just the opposite is true -- they're gonna be looking for some redemption, looking to build some confidence, and they're really gonna lay a hurting on ISU. And they should be able to -- the Bengals have a terrible offense and an even worse defense. I'd put money on a shutout happening, if I had any left.

DD: Yeah, how much did you bet on the Dawgs beating Florida? No, wait -- don't tell me. It'd only make me more depressed. Fine, yes, we are superior to ISU in every phase of the game, we have better athletes, better coaching, blah blah blah, but I still don't see how anyone on our side is gonna get up for this game. And really, a shutout? Florida was completely hopeless on offense for the first two month of the season and we still ended up making them look like they still had Tebow on the roster. We're gonna let them get past us for at least one or two scores.

MD: We didn't against Tennessee Tech last year, and Idaho State is probably even worse than they are.

DD: Yeah, but they do have the number-two punt returner in DI-AA, Tavoy Moore, and the number-one punter. Don't think we can count on winning the field-position battle this week.

MD: It won't matter if we win every other battle. Seriously, are you listening to yourself? "Number-two punt returner in DI-AA"? That's like being the second oboist in the Pyongyang Symphony Orchestra.

DD: Fine. Tell me your score prediction, if you're so confident.

MD: Aaron Murray's looking to atone for throwing three picks last week, so he comes out bombing away. A.J. Green goes well over 100 yards and pulls in a couple scores; Washaun and Caleb each get close to 100 yards themselves.
And yes, we pitch a shutout, because the Bengals have no running game whatsoever and they're giving up about four and a half sacks per game. Justin Houston is gonna pad the hell out of those sack numbers, and a couple guys on our second or third string probably will be, too. Final score, fifty-nine to nothing.

DD: Well, that sounds lovely. I stand by my original prediction -- we're up maybe, oh, 17-7 at halftime and finally stretch it out to 41-14 by the end of the game.

MD: You don't think we're gonna beat Idaho State any worse than we beat Tennessee?

DD: I hadn't even taken the energy to remember that that's how many we beat Tennessee by, if that clears things up for you.

MD: Well, our predictions add up to a 50-7 win for the Dawgs, which I'd be fine with. Still think we're gonna get the shutout, though.

DD: Well, fine. Think it over there. I'm busy cowering in fear that this is the last win we get this season and we don't end up going to a bowl.

MD: Why does talking to you always make me want to kill myself?

DD: Uh . . . because my plan is working perfectly?

MD: Fine, be that way. But when I come home with a belly full of donuts and wonderful memories of a seven-touchdown Georgia ass-thrashing, you're gonna be jealous.

DD: Somehow I think I'll deal with it.

I've seen too much for a little while, I want to forget.

Well, what can I say about this past weekend except I shouldn't have watched "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" Friday night -- everything I needed to know about what was going to go down the following afternoon was right in there.

Except when you get right down to it, the above scene, iconic though it may be, is insufficient -- and entirely too simplistic -- to accurately portray Georgia's misery in this rivalry, particularly when there's a far more apt metaphor in the very same TV special. I mean, yeah, Charlie Brown gets the ball whipped away from him at the last second every single time, which is embarrassing enough, but you'll notice nobody is ever around to watch it; the humiliation is at least a dark secret shared only between him and Lucy. To declare that "Lucy = Florida" also doesn't work -- while Lucy and the Gators are both bitches who wear blue and aren't nearly as hot as they fancy themselves, that statement implies that Georgia's chances for success are entirely in Florida's hands, which, no matter what Bulldog Nation may be thinking in its most desperate moments, isn't true either.

No, the better metaphor is "Great Pumpkin = equal footing in the Georgia-Florida rivalry." More obscure, I know, and definitely more abstract, but sometimes to make sense of cosmic absurdity like this you gotta be willing to try and wrap your brain around something challenging. Every year, we think it's coming; every year we think that if we just believe enough, it will reveal itself to us and, out of moral obligation, reward us for our seemingly unending persecution in its name. OK, I just totally fucking freaked myself out by sussing out that the Great Pumpkin is a metaphor for the Second Coming -- seriously, Charles Schultz, way to blow a brother's mind on what is otherwise a day of perfectly festive debauchery -- but all that being said, we believe, it doesn't show, and we get publicly humiliated for our faith all over again.

I believed. Oh, boy howdy, did I believe. I believed even after Aaron Murray got picked off on the game's very first play from scrimmage, believed even when Florida's previously moribund offense started gathering steam, believed even when we went into halftime down 21-7. Because look! We roared back after halftime and went on a 17-3 run to tie things up, and then, when Florida scored a relatively rapid-fire TD that put them back on top, we went right back down the field to tie it up again and, just for good measure, held on Florida's final drive of regulation and successfully forced overtime. All the trappings of that rare amazing Georgia victory were there: More than 30 points against a very good Gator defense? Check. Great QB play? After a miserable first half, Aaron Murray settled down in the second, going 13-of-21 for 198 yards, two TDs and no turnovers, looking once again like the stunningly poised player we'd seen over the first eight games. Confident squad? By the time Georgia tied it up with four and a half minutes left in regulation, our guys were jumping all over the place. The defense couldn't wait to get out on the field and make a stop; the offense looked hungry to get out there and take a stab at getting the winning score.

But obviously we didn't. Yeah, some of it comes down to inferior play -- the turnoverpalooza in the first half, f'rinstance, without which we might have been up by two scores and simply handing the ball off to Caleb King and Washaun Ealey to see how much clock, and how much of Urban Meyer's soul, they could grind down. Some of it also comes down to inexplicable coaching -- we were lucky enough that the Mikey Henderson "One and Done" play worked the first time three years ago, so did we really think we were gonna outsmart Florida's secondary with it a second time, particularly with a QB who I'm not sure has hit a fade to the end zone all season?

Some of it, though, I'm struggling to justify with any word other than "luck." Take these four situations:

1. Trey Burton fumbles at the Florida 14 and Georgia picks it up.
2. Aaron Murray fires a pass over the middle to 6'4" TE Aron White, and it's a little high but White gets a hand on it.
3. John Brantley gets sacked by Darryl Gamble at the Georgia 35 and fumbles, and a Georgia player gets a hand on it.
4. Aaron Murray throws another one over the middle to A.J. Green, the best receiver in college football, and A.J. gets a hand on it.

Two times the ball began the play in Florida's hands, two times it started off in Georgia's; all four times Georgia gets a hand on it at some point; but all four times it belongs to Florida by the time the whistle is blown. Yeah, yeah, I know: Inferior play had a hand in some of this, too, even the blown opportunities with the fumbles -- if we just fucking fall on that first one rather than trying to pick it up and run with it, for example, we start inside the Florida red zone with three near-automatic points and a pretty good chance at seven, and we deny Florida the long TD drive that swing momentum in their favor for pretty much the rest of the first half.

Still: Four times we get a hand on the ball and we don't get any of them? Not one? If we can have a game like that less than a year removed from going -16 in turnover margin, fuck a regression to the mean. It wasn't just the turnovers, either. Late fourth quarter, game tied at 31, Florida's gotten another good KO return from Chris Rainey -- and oh, God, don't get me started on his sociopathic ass being suited up and in the game to begin with -- and they've got 2nd-and-9 just a couple yards shy of midfield. Darryl Gamble crushes Brantley eight yards behind the line, resulting in 3rd-and-17 from the 40 (on a day when we're actually covering third downs pretty well, wonder of wonders), which gives us a chance to force a punt and set ourselves up with not-horrible field position and a couple minutes and two time-outs with which to get Blair Walsh in place for the game-winning field goal. Awesome, right? Right?

Nope -- a false start by Florida, their fifth false start of the day, negates the sack. They get the first down, drive into Georgia territory, pin the Dawgs at their own 6 and it's off to overtime we go. Even when they fuck up, it turns out better for them.

I realize I'm leaving myself getting open to getting flayed here -- by fans both Florida-identified and non -- with charges of whining. Hey, you're taunting a dude who's lost the ability to feel, so you're the one who's arguably wasting more energy here. And yes, again, I realize that no small amount of what I've described above goes back to Georgia's players not having the focus or fortitude to make the optimal play in a given situation, whatever that happens to be. And not long after I got home from Atlanta this evening, as I gathered my thoughts and tried to figure out what exactly I wanted to say in this space, I'll admit I briefly entertained the thought that the loud, heavily publicized, tension-fraught atmosphere of Jacksonville might have something to do with that lack of focus, which of course led to me wondering if maybe we should move the Cocktail Party out of there after all. (I mean, we've already officially ripped the words "Cocktail" and "Party" out of it to begin with; after that, any talk of tradition, on the parts of the respective university presidents at least, is pretty ridiculous.)

But no, I'm not gonna go there. Even if you think the series would be more fun for the students as a home-and-home; even if you can make a case, in spite of Georgia's still-pretty-good road record under Mark Richt, that the Dawgs' greater travel distance is a tangible hindrance to their chances of winning in this rivalry; even if you think that the Dawgs face a "hostile environment" in a stadium that is divided directly down the middle between Dawgs and Gators, it would be wrong to move this game. Why? BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A BITCH MOVE. If we were to go to a home-and-home, then no matter how dominant a run Georgia went on immediately afterward, no matter how supposedly solid our reasoning was for moving the game, we'd be the the school that whined the Cocktail Party out of Jacksonville and one of the sport's last remaining neutral-site rivalries out of existence. I'll be damned if I'm going to have that on my conscience, or the University of Georgia's.

Unfortunately, that doesn't get us a millimeter closer to solving the critical question: What do we do? I'm sorry if you came here for answers, because I don't know. What I do know is that I won't be watching the game next year. If I'm in front of a TV, it'll be tuned to something else (maybe I'll put a "Mad Men" DVD on); if I'm in the Jacksonville area, I'll be relaxing on a sunlit beach, stuffing a lime into the neck of a Corona and thanking the good Lord that, independent of any fortune or misfortune being visited upon my football team, I'm gainfully employed, living in what remains the freest country on earth, and blessed with an inordinate number of family and friends who care about me dearly. But I can't put myself through the misery of another one of these -- not for another year or so, anyway. Believe me, I've got nothing but admiration for Linus for going out there year after year in the face of overwhelming odds and public humiliation and laying bare his trusting soul for all the world to see. But I'm not Linus; I don't have a blanket to turn to anymore; and when I dated a girl named Sally in high school, she dumped me for a dude in the band. I've had an inkling for a while now, in other words, that the Great Pumpkin ain't coming for me. So I think I've earned a year off.

Manic-Depressive Preview: This might be the weirdest Cocktail Party ever.

The Dawgs now have three consecutive dominating victories under their belts, and Manic Doug is kind of over the moon about it -- to be exact, he had to be physically restrained from whipping his junk out and pressing it up against the window of the last car he saw with a Gators license-plate frame. You'd think that even Depressive Doug would be heartened by this recent turn of events, but this is Florida we're talking about, so . . . no dice. In this week's Manic-Depressive Preview, we'll find out if Manic's "Woohoo! We don't suck anymore!" can overcome Depressive's relentless focus on 3-17:

Manic Doug: THREE IN A ROW, BABY! And second place with a bullet in the SEC East! Can you believe it?

Depressive Doug: Now that you mention it, no.

MD: Dude, we're about the hottest thing going in the division right now. Meanwhile, the Gators have lost three straight and are basically tripping over their own shadows on offense. We're gonna leave our cleat prints all over their Pro Combat asses and give 'em a taste of their own fuckin' medicine.

DD: Wow. Congratulations.

MD: On what?

DD: On coming out of the coma you've apparently been in for the past 20 years. Does our modern technology confuse and frighten you? It's OK! This thing I'm typing on here is called the In-ter-net, and look, you can use it to get thousands of songs and put them in this tiny little box!

MD: You're mocking me, aren't you?

DD: Brilliant deduction, and yes, I'm mocking the shit out of you. Seriously, have you forgotten everything that's happened over the past two decades in this rivalry? Three-and-seventeen? Do you seriously not get how retarded it is to be taking a win for granted?



MD: I'm not taking anything for granted, but come on, man -- have you seen Florida this year? These aren't the Gators of the Tim Tebow years. Frankly, I'm not convinced they're even the Gators of the Ron Zook years. They're godawful in literally every phase of the offensive game, and they're meeting up with Georgia right when we seem to be hitting our stride on defense.

DD: We gave up 31 points to Kentucky last week. That's what you call "hitting our stride"?

MD: OK, first of all, a lot of that was bullshit points they scored after we'd already gone up 41-17 in the fourth quarter and took our foot off the gas.

DD: They were moving the ball pretty well on us even when we supposedly had our foot on the gas, though. Nine-of-fifteen on third downs? Even third-and-long?

MD: But see, Florida doesn't have the playmakers to pull that off this year.

DD: Don't have the playmakers? So you've never heard of Jeff Demps? Or Trey Burton, who straight-up murdered Kentucky at the goal line a few weeks ago? Or Chris Rainey?

MD: OK, Demps is a gamer, but we've got a guy who scored five TDs against Kentucky, too, and he ended up with a ton more rushing yards than Trey Burton did. And don't even talk to me about Chris Rainey -- he had all of 16 rushing yards this season before he got himself "suspended from team activities." It's gonna take a lot more than Rainey to turn this offense around. What they need is another Tim Tebow, and they don't have one. Turns out Tebow's departure killed this team even more than anyone thought it would, which sucks for the Gators because John Brantley can't do half of what Teebs did, and sucks for everyone else because now we don't get to see pictures of his girlfriend, Erin Drewes, all over the place.

DD: Hmm, I sense an Associated Hottie coming. You do know she wasn't actually his girlfriend, right?

MD: Yeah, but when she got mistaken as his girlfriend while she was at UF, she did what any hot chick in her position would do -- got body-painted up and appeared in Playboy.



DD: (witheringly) A true virtuoso of the segue, you are.

MD: You know you're the only person I know who can still be that sarcastic when he's looking at a chick wearing nothing but paint? If you'll allow me to continue, there's a guy the Florida program might be missing even more than Tebow right now, and it's Dan Mullen, their former offensive coordinator. The new guy, Steve Addazio, is trying to run a Tebow-centric offense with only a John Brantley under center, and it's clearly not working; he's pissed off so many people in Gainesville that he's probably one or two botched snaps away from having to hire someone to taste his food for him.

DD: His offense does look wretched, I'll give you that.

MD: Meanwhile, ours is clicking -- everyone's healthy, the offensive line finally seems to be coming together, and we've now unloaded 40 points on three straight SEC opponents for the first time in Georgia history.

DD: Yeah, but you don't seriously think it's gonna be that easy against the Gators, do you? They've been OK against the run, but straight-up murder against the pass -- 15 interceptions in seven games, top 15 in the nation in terms of both yardage and efficiency allowed. You know as well as I do that the only way Georgia's been able to win this game recently is to score bucketloads of points, and you can't think that's gonna be easy this weekend.

MD: It won't be easy, but it's not impossible. First of all, none of the teams Florida has beaten gave them an A.J. Green to worry about. A.J.'s gonna stretch the field and open things up for the running game, which gets Caleb King back this week, by the way. Second, Aaron Murray has been a straight-up baller this year -- you ask me, I think he's even more poised than David Greene or Matt Stafford were in their first years. And honestly, I kind of like the fact that he's a freshman -- it's almost like he's coming into this game fresh, not knowing or caring about Georgia's baggage in this rivalry.

DD: Wow. As intangibles go, that's a bit of a stretch even by TV-pundit standards. I'm sure Kirk Herbstreit is very impressed.

MD: Fuck you, dude. You're determined to be depressed and miserable about this game, aren't you? In spite of the fact that Florida's weaker than its been in decades and Georgia's got an awesome opportunity to beat them down?

DD: An awesome opportunity, sure, but let's be real here. Urban Meyer may be a megalomaniacal asshole and perhaps even a sociopath, but the guy's no dummy -- you know he's been spending their bye week coming up with new wrinkles to try and give this offense some kind of spark. And regardless of Addazio's incompetence, he's got the playmakers to pull it off. Given how our offense is struggling to stop the pass and defend third downs, I think he's gonna find a way to break just enough big plays to put some points on the board. And if their defense plays up to its potential and finally makes Aaron Murray look like the freshman he is, then that'll be enough points to win. I'm calling it Florida 27, Georgia 17.

MD: That sucks, man! You really think they're gonna make it three-and-eighteen? Who wants to live in a world like that?

DD: I don't like it any more than you do. But this has been an ugly rivalry for us lately, there's no way around it. I've been burned too many times to believe otherwise.

MD: Don't think like that! Open your heart, man! This rivalry can change! Let the Cocktail Party love you! . . .

(extremely awkward pause)

DD: OK, now I'm just embarrassed for you.

MD: Whatever. For those of us who have faith in the mighty Bulldogs, here's how it's gonna go: Florida's offense continues to suck, while A.J. burns the Gator secondary on a couple big plays. That forces Florida to move their defense back and Georgia gets to open up the run and the short passing game, and they hold off a late Gator rally to win, 31-23.

DD: That's a nice story.

MD: Thanks.

DD: But tallying up our respective predictions, I see they average out to . . . a 25-24 Florida win.

MD: You Judas! I can't believe you still managed to screw this one up! I want a do-over on my prediction.

DD: Nope. Too late. You can put up another picture of painted-Gator-fan-chick, though.

MD: You know what? No. No. You don't deserve it. When Georgia comes home from Jacksonville victorious, you'll get to see my bare ass running up and down the street screaming and waving a Georgia flag, that's all you're gonna get to see.

DD: If Georgia comes home from Jacksonville victorious? I'll run up and down the street naked with you.

MD: I'm gonna hold you to that.

DD: Please don't say "hold," but yes, fine. Whatever.

MD: You got a deal.

Consider for a minute who you are, what you'd like to change . . .

Is it just me or are postgame victory celebrations even more satisfying in other people's stadiums?

My sister told me a joke one time about the difference between Gentile moms and Jewish moms (and she heard it from a Jewish friend of hers, so no charges of anti-Semitism, please): If a Gentile mom gives her son two neckties for Christmas and sees him wearing one of them, she says, "Oh, you're wearing one of the ties I got you, it looks so nice!" If a Jewish mother buys her son two ties for Hanukkah and sees him wearing one of them, she sighs and says, "What's the matter, you didn't like the other tie?"

That joke popped into my head as I was looking back over the stats for the Georgia-Kentucky game this past weekend -- if you looked at the box score and only the box score, you'd think a) the offense didn't accomplish much except for Washaun Ealey and b) the defense got shredded. Both of those statements are true, and yet not. The offense didn't accomplish much other than Ealey's 157 yards and five TDs, but mainly because it didn't have to; Kentucky's cavalcade of turnovers meant our average starting position in the first half was at the Wildcat 40. Which was only fair, given that a turnover-fueled second-half implosion was what basically handed Kentucky the win in Athens last November. Some statistically misleading wins you feel guilty about because you feel like you got lucky and stole something, but if Kentucky doesn't feel guilty about last year's win -- and they don't appear to, not that they should -- then I feel just fine about this one.


Sanders Commings intercepts a pass intended for Kentucky receiver and MSNBC political gadfly Chris Matthews.

Because this win didn't come down to luck -- somebody on the other side of the line of scrimmage had to make those turnovers happen, and that's where we get to statement b), the inference that the defense got shredded because they gave up 427 yards and 31 points. Yeah, our third-down defense was kind of atrocious, and I'll admit the thought of breaking a household appliance flashed through my mind as the 'Cats converted four straight third-and-longs on their second drive. While the defense did a lot of bending, though, it didn't do all that much breaking until the fourth quarter, when the game was pretty well in hand. Not that it was especially inspiring to hear players admit that they "relaxed" with a big lead in the second half, but when you're 19 years old and you're leading 41-17 in the fourth quarter of a conference game, I guess there's a tendency for those kinds of things to happen.

Here's the greater impression I got from Saturday's game: That increased aggressiveness that Todd Grantham promised us all through the off-season is finally starting to make itself apparent. Against Kentucky, we were better than +2 in turnover margin for the first time all season, and for only the third time in the last three years. We only forced 12 turnovers all of last season; just two-thirds of the way through 2010, we've already forced 15, and are sitting at +7 on the year, a blessed number after last year's wretched -16. And the front seven have been playing unbelievably well lately. Akeem Dent is flying to the ball like a guided missile, and Justin Houston . . . I've heard the voices of more than a few rival fans crack a little when they mention his name. (I wish I could describe to you the smile I get on my face when I hear this; you'll just have to watch this and let your imagination take it from there.)

The yang to the yin, of course, is that with greater aggressiveness comes greater risks, and we saw that Saturday night, as Georgia's relentless blitzing did sort of allow the defensive backfield to turn into a crapshoot. When the pressure worked, our guys paved Kentucky's O-line and made Mike Hartline do something stupid; when it didn't, unreasonably long third downs got converted, and occasionally points were scored. Still, if you'd told me before the game started that the payoff for such pain would be a 41-17 lead that turned the vast majority of the fourth quarter into what the average fan would probably call "garbage time," I'd have taken you up on that offer. If the greater aggressiveness Grantham has already preached to his unit is already paying off this handsomely in more turnovers and sacks, then I'm optimistic about what our D could look like once he's had a chance to refine their technique and minimize some of that risk.


Washaun, the evil brother of Knowshon, hits the mushroom boost and speeds into the end zone.

So now it's off to Jacksonville, where God only knows what's going to happen. Three weeks ago, though, who on earth would've thought that the Dawgs would march into this game matching, if not exceeding, the Gators' swagger (and impressing the oddsmakers enough to be favored by three points)? I was as miserable as any of y'all were when the clock ticked down to 00:00 in Boulder and we put the last bit of frosting on a 1-4 start, but if Tyler Durden really was right all along about how once you lose everything you're free to do anything, maybe this was what it took to get our swagger back and turn back into the kind of team we'd wanted to be all along . . . in which case it just might've been worth it.

But I guess we won't know until Saturday night.

Fleeting thoughts:

· I never thought I'd be thinking to myself that I'm far more terrified of a Gene Chizik team than an Urban Meyer team, but when you get right down to it, it's not 5-19 Gene I'm afraid of:



There aren't enough jocks in the entire LSU equipment locker to replace all the ones that their players got faked out of on that one run alone. Maybe Auburn gets caught looking ahead to the Iron Bowl in a few weeks and we manage to pull another 2006-style miracle out of our asses, but otherwise I'm thinking we really better beat Florida (and Idaho State, and Tech) if we want to avoid going 6-6 this year.

· Here's a couple questions for you, and feel free to answer honestly in the comments, because I have a feeling my answers are probably the same as yours: 1) Three weeks ago, how much money would you have paid to switch places with the Texas Longhorns, and 2) how badly would you want that money back right now?

· Here's another one: Over/under on a hypothetical Oregon-Auburn matchup in the national championship game -- how high would it have to be for you to take the under?


Since I was thisclose to going to Mizzou, I kinda have to feel happy for these guys.

· If the regular season ended today, the Big 12's final championship game would be Missouri vs. Baylor. I'll give you a few minutes to stop laughing.

· UAB Blazers Watch: For the second time in the past month, UAB erased a deficit on the road against an SEC opponent only to fall in the final seconds. It's looking highly unlikely that they'll make a bowl this year, but they're sure playing their asses off. (And yes, it pains me greatly that the Blazers gave State a tougher challenge than we did.)

· Wofford Terriers Watch: A 28-21 win over Elon keeps the mighty Terriers undefeated in Southern Conference play; they'll face the only other undefeated SoCon team, Appalachian State, on Nov. 13 in a game that will more than likely decide the league championship and an invite to the division playoffs.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Preparing for anarchy in the UK.

Considering how miserably the first month-plus of the season went, it's been a downright giddy household for our Manic-Depressive Previewing duo the past couple weeks. Manic Doug has been calling the Tennessee state capitol every hour on the hour asking when Mark Richt's title deed will be arriving in the mail, while even Depressive Doug managed to say something positive (and unqualified) about the Dawgs the other day. Granted, it was about Uga VIII being a fine and appropriate heir to the mascot bloodline, but still, that was a big step. Now they take on what probably counts as the Dawgs' biggest challenge in a month: a road trip up to Lexington to face a Kentucky Wildcat team that's been quite a bit more dangerous than many people thought they'd be.

Manic Doug: Eighty-one, eighty-two, eighty-three . . . ergh! Eighty-four!

Depressive Doug: You on an exercise kick or something? What's with the push-ups?

MD: One push-up for every point we've scored over the past two weeks. And I'll add one for however many we get against the Wildcats this weekend.

DD: OK, I was watching you the entire time, so I heard you skip from "twenty-seven" to "sixty-eight."

MD: Whatever. You try doing 84 push-ups right after you've shotgunned three beers in a row.

DD: Thanks, I'll pass. You gonna do a push-up for every point Kentucky scores, too, or are you gonna leave that to the Wildcat cheerleaders?

MD: Why the hell would I do push-ups for their scores?

DD: Might be a better workout, the way Kentucky's been playing lately.

MD: Oh, please. We just shut out an SEC opponent and you're gonna give me some woe-is-us speech about how much our defense is going to struggle?

DD: Our defense is getting better, but come on -- it's easy to show improvement when you're going up against Tennessee and Vanderbilt. You have to admit Kentucky is a completely different ballgame.

MD: All right, so other than Randall Cobb, who do I have to worry about?

DD: What do you mean, "other than Randall Cobb"? That's like saying other than World War II, the '40s were a pretty peaceful decade.

MD: Man, you know I don't understand half the historical references you use.

DD: I'd say it's more like two-thirds, but OK, since you asked, who else does Georgia have to worry about? How about Mike Hartline?

MD: Is that a joke? Mike Hartline, who got yanked for a true freshman midway through last year?

DD: . . . And who leads the current number-two passing game in the entire conference, yes, that guy. Laugh at him if you want, but he's got some good receivers and his line protection has been way, way better than anyone predicted. The guy's got some skills.

MD: OK, but look at the defenses he's been going up against. Ole Miss? Akron?

DD: Or how about 349 yards and four TDs against South Carolina last week?

MD: That was against a Carolina team that was clearly due for a letdown after knocking off the number-one team in the nation the previous week. And let the record show he pretty much had to throw for that many yards because they were down 28-10 at halftime. And had Marcus Lattimore not gone down with an ankle injury on South Carolina's very first series of the second half, they probably would've stayed down by that much.

DD: Just saying, our defense has had it fairly easy the last couple weeks. This weekend is going to be anything but. And I haven't even gotten into the fact that Randall Cobb catches passes and runs out of the backfield and throws passes . . .

MD: How long am I gonna have to sit here for this? I'm meeting people later on tonight.

DD: . . . and returns kickoffs and has a punt return for a TD this season. How are we supposed to defend all that?

MD: That's a fascinating question. My guess would be the same way we defended Warren Norman last week, who does all that shit but didn't do anything against the Dawgs.

DD: Warren Norman doesn't throw passes.

MD: Semantics, motherfucker!

DD: OK, I'm not convinced you used either of those words accurately.

MD: Whatever, I still stand by my point: Kentucky isn't going to beat us with one guy, particularly since they're probably not gonna have Derrick Locke back for this game. And here's another question: What kind of Dawg fan are you when you'll launch into the praises of Kentucky's offense before you even mention word one about our own?

DD: A realistic one?

MD: A shitty one, more like. In the first place: Mike Hartline may be good, but he's not as cool or composed as Aaron Murray, nor has he played the kind of competition Aaron has. For his receiving corps, Hartline has Randall Cobb and a bunch of other guys you probably couldn't pick out of a lineup; Aaron Murray has the best receiver in the country, along with Kris Durham and Tavarres King, both of whom have been playing balls-out the last couple weeks, and a fantastic group of tight ends.

DD: Well, Murray's a baller, I'll grant you that.

MD: But did you also know that our running game is averaging only eight yards less per game than Kentucky's? They've been trending downward ever since Derrick Locke got hurt, we've been headed in the right direction since Stacy Searels started tinkering with our O-line personnel. You doubted whether Washaun Ealey and Carlton Thomas would be able to carry the load by themselves last week; they combined for 163 yards and three TDs. They're gonna have Shaun Chapas in the game to block for them this weekend, and they're going up against the second-worst run defense in the conference. It was actually the worst before we shredded Vandy last week.

DD: Hey, I'll even grant you that we're going to score a bunch of points. I just think it's going to be incredibly hard to keep up with Kentucky on the scoreboard.

MD: You want to hear something that'll shock you? Georgia's actually ranked 14th in the nation in total defense right now.

DD: You made that up.

MD: Nuh-uhh! Look!

(pause)

DD: OK, I'm actually kind of stunned that you knew that.

MD: When are you going to stop underestimating me, dude?

DD: Maybe when you stop calling me at work to ask how to use the DVR.

MD: Fuck you, dude, that thing is complicated.

DD: At any rate, yes, Georgia has been improving a lot more than most people have been giving them credit for, perhaps myself included. But again, a big part of that improvement has been getting to play Tennessee and Vanderbilt in back-to-back weeks. Vandy was the first team in more than a month who we didn't let convert third downs all over us, and I'm sorry to break it to you, but Kentucky has exactly the kind of offense that's capable of doing it again. Unless we can find a way for those young guys in the secondary to cover all those Kentucky receivers out there, Randall Cobb first and foremost among them, it's going to be a long night.

MD: So you're saying we lose?

DD: I'm saying it's a shootout, not a blowout, but yes, we lose. They pick us apart with Randall Cobb on the wheel route for as long as it takes to build up a nice little lead, then they go conservative with Cobb and Donald Russell to ride things home to the finish. Final score, oh, I don't know -- Kentucky 37, Georgia 29.

MD: As Sir Charles would say, turrble. Turrble. You should be ashamed of yourself.

DD: That's a pretty safe bet. What do you think is going to happen?

MD: It's a close game at first, we let UK put up a couple early scores, but over the course of the game our guys gradually figure out that they should just double-cover the shit out of Randall Cobb and leave the rest to the defensive front. Meanwhile, Kentucky never quite figures out how to both neutralize A.J. Green and stop the running game now that it's gotten back on track. Another banner day for Aaron Murray, another hundred-yard performance from Washaun, Dawgs win, 41-27.



DD: A two-touchdown victory in enemy territory, huh? Why, because we've been that good on the road this season?

MD: No, because Kentucky is coming off a big victory and they're due for the same letdown South Carolina was last week. Plus Cobb has been running his mouth all week about lack of fan support, and it's gotten written up in all the papers. That's one distraction for them, zero for us, unless you think Uga VIII's cuteness is going to distract us on the sidelines.

DD: No, I think Uga VIII will be the least of our worries this week. Tallying up our score predictions, and it looks like they average out to . . . a 35-32 win for the Dawgs. Quite a squeaker, it looks like -- you'd take a game that close?

MD: And be able to ride a four-game winning streak into Jacksonville against Florida, who, might I remind you, apparently can't keep from tripping over its own shadow these days? Hell yes, I'll take it.

DD: Well, good for you. I hope you're right, of course, it's just that looking over the matchups gives me the sneaking suspicion that . . .

MD: Yeah, blah blah blah, matchups, whatever, just admit that you're a pussy and get over it. Can we get to the Associated Hottie now, or would you like to write a few more love letters to Randall Cobb?

DD: I have never written a love letter to Randall Cobb.

MD: Jeez, and you're annoyingly literal to boot. Here's Emily Cox, graduate of the University of Kentucky in 2008 and Miss Kentucky the same year.



DD: Wow. Hockey, huh?

MD: Yeah. Even if she's rooting for the wrong team, there's something about a girl in a jersey . . .

DD: Particularly when she's proving the stereotype that Kentucky fans pretty much care about every sport other than football.

MD: Wow. Wow. I don't know whether to be ashamed of you for so glibly blowing off a girl in a jersey and no pants, or proud that you actually snuck some trash-talk in there. Well done.

DD: You might as well be the first, because I'm already kicking myself for even that bit of trash talk. I'm sure I've jinxed us already.

MD: Well, while you say a Rosary asking God for forgiveness for that tiny bit of hubris, I'll be composing the posts I'll be plastering all over the Kentucky message boards Sunday morning, busting on them for losing to us in football and for cheating at hoops. Which we're catching up to them in that, too, by the way.

DD: Wow, have you ever met a chicken you wouldn't count before it had hatched?

MD: Have I ever "met" a chicken? What, like exchanged pleasantries with one?

DD: Forget it. I already don't like where this is going.

MD: That makes two of us.