Manic-Depressive Preview: Servin' up a little bile and condescension for Thanksgiving.

The Manic-Depressive Previewers have had a week off to lick their wounds from the Auburn game -- well, Depressive Doug licked his wounds, Manic Doug got blazing drunk and loudly predicted to anyone who would listen how it's only a matter of time before Cam Newton gets declared ineligible and the NCAA blasts Auburn's football program back into the leather-helmet era. Either way, though, they've had some time off and are now tanned, rested, and ready to go full speed ahead for this weekend's clash of the titans -- or, perhaps more accurately, clash of the Titanics? -- between Georgia and Georgia Tech this weekend.

Manic Doug: Woohoooo!!!! Time for some Clean Old-Fashioned Hate, bro! Man, this is always my favorite time of the season, 'cause it means I get to whip out my best insults and give those pretentious, pasty-skinned, no-social-life-having dicklicks at Tech the carpet-bombing they deserve.

Depressive Doug: Yeah, and it's always my least favorite time of the season, because I have to sit here and cover my head while you jinx the crap out of us with your overconfidence.

MD: First of all, every time is your least favorite time of the year, from the looks of things. Second of all, how have I "jinxed" us, exactly? Oh, no, we've only won eight out of the last nine times! Clearly I'm the kiss of death!

DD: OK, so you got a pass for the Chan Gailey years. Between him and Patrick Nix, even your bad karma couldn't power them to a win. But even you have to admit that it's kind of a new ballgame with Paul Johnson as their head coach.

MD: Did we beat them last year or didn't we? Then clearly it isn't that new a ballgame.

DD: Maybe not, but you can't seriously sit there and call Tech a gimme win anymore. Even last year, they still managed to ring up more than 200 net rushing yards on us, and they came very close to erasing that two-touchdown lead we had at halftime on a number of occasions.

MD: "Came very close" still adds up to "lost" in my book. I mean, if even Willie Martinez can eventually figure out how to handle Paul Johnson's triple-option, I think Todd Grantham can probably pull it off.

DD: In a year when we're still trying to master the 3-4 defense in the twelfth game of the season? And still don't have a clue as to how to stop a mobile QB?

MD: OK, sit down a second, 'cause daddy's gonna tell you why this "mobile QB" thing everybody's been worrying about with respect to Georgia Tech is a load of bunk. The mobile quarterbacks we've had problems with this year have all been guys who could throw -- Tyler Hansen, Trey Burton, Cam Newton. But this Tech offense can't throw to save its life. Losing Demaryius Thomas to the NFL draft has completely taken away their only sure-fire deep threat; it's dropped their per-game passing yardage by more than 50 and their team pass efficiency from 12th in the nation to 110th. And that was even before their starting QB went out for the season with a wrist injury. With Josh Nesbitt gone, they're even less inclined to pass, meaning we can devote our full attention to loading up on the line and playing assignments against the triple-option.

DD: Yeah, which worked out just swell two years ago, when their passing game was just as much an afterthought as it is now and they still managed to roll us for 409 yards. While completing one pass the entire afternoon.

MD: Again, though, that was with Nesbitt, not to mention Jonathan Dwyer, who's also gone off to the NFL.

DD: Their leading rusher in that game was actually Roddy Jones, who went off on us for 214.

MD: And who barely has more than that for the entire 2010 season. I'm telling you, dude, people have started figuring out the Tech offense, just like I said they would. They're going to get some yards this weekend, but not nearly enough to matter.

DD: You don't think so?

MD: No, because a run-dominant, grind-it-out offense isn't gonna be able to keep up on the scoreboard with an offense that has as many weapons as we've got. Remember, Tech's trying to transition to a 3-4 front too, and they haven't mastered it any better than we have. They certainly don't have the personnel to cover A.J. Green, pressure Murray, and stack up against the run consistently.

DD: A.J. I'll grant you. The other two I wouldn't be quite so sure about -- you know how up-and-down our running game has been, and we haven't been all that consistent in pass protection, either.

MD: But Tech's pass rush has been practically nonexistent -- they've only got 16 sacks for the entire year. As for their ability to stop the run, you know how one of the biggest complaints about our defense this year is that we still don't have a dominant guy at nose tackle who can draw double-teams and plug up the middle? Tech's guy in the middle is Logan Walls, who's no bigger than any of our guys are. I'm not saying we're gonna out-rush them like we did last year -- though that'd be awesome -- but between Caleb King and Washaun Ealey, I'll bet cash money that at least one of them goes over 100 yards.

DD: Well, I can see you've been cured of your overconfidence regarding Tech. Bra-vo.

MD: You know, the more I think about this game the more I wonder what in the hell you're so worried about. Their offense is performing at a way lower level than it did in Paul Johnson's first years, and they're missing three of their most important playmakers from those teams. Again, it's not like we're going to completely dominate them in terms of rushing yards, but as long as we nail the fundamentals and wrap them up when we're tackling -- which seems a lot more likely given that we've been having full-pads, full-contact practices all week -- they're not going to be able to do to us what they did in 2008. And they're certainly not going to be able to match the speed with which we can put points on the board. A.J. is going to have another career day for the NFL scouts, Caleb and Washaun are going to clean up the rest, and we're going to win 42-20.



DD: Somehow I'm not the least bit surprised that you see a blowout happening this weekend. I, on the other hand, see a shootout. Full-contact practices or no, we're still crossing our fingers and hoping that our D-coordinator, talented though he may be, can hold down a triple-option offensive attack he never had to game-plan against in the NFL. I see the Techies being geeked up at a chance to get revenge for last year's game and win one for their injured QB, and I think they're going to win 34-30.

MD: You Judas. It's one thing for you to pick a team like Florida or Auburn to win, but Tech is the lowest of the low, the program that combines worthless football team and pissy, annoying fan base like no other program on our schedule. And you're going to pick them to deny us a bowl bid?

DD: If you want to talk obnoxious fans, I think you're really splitting hairs if you're trying to draw any distinction between Tech and Florida. But yes, I think we're staying home for bowl season this year.

MD: Unacceptable. I've keyed people's cars for less.

DD: Well, considering that we drive the same car, I hope you'll manage to maintain some semblance of self-control in this case. And considering that our predictions average out to what looks like a pretty convincing 36-27 Georgia win, maybe you can just let this one go.

MD: Maybe. I can forget. But I can't forgive.

(pause)

DD: So . . . you're eventually going to forget we even had this disagreement, but you're going to hold a grudge against me anyway?

MD: I know what I said.

DD: Yeah, and the sad thing is, I wouldn't put something that ridiculous past you, either. How about instead of not making any sense you grace us all with the Associated Hottie so that we can get out of here and crush some turkey.

MD: Not falling for that one, G. You know there aren't any hot girls at Tech. Searching for an Associated Hottie to represent the Jackets would be like trying to find a college graduate at an Insane Clown Posse show.

DD: Perhaps, but I did manage to find this on the Web somewhere.



MD: Huh. Wow. Who's that?

DD: Jamie Eason, I think her name is -- a "fitness model" by trade, or some such.

MD: Interesting. You realize, of course, that there's no way in hell she went to Tech.

DD: Oh, of course not. Really the only question is how much they had to pay her to wear that shirt.

MD: At least four figures would be my guess. Can you imagine what would happen if an actual male Tech student was ever approached by a chick like that?

DD: Barely, but either way, I'd want to grab some popcorn and watch the show.

MD: Yeah. See, you're getting into this.

DD: Hey, while I may be a voice of doom and misery when it comes to our football team, you will never hear me speak of Tech fans as anything other than annoying, comically maladjusted, disgusting people.

MD: That's the spirit! And on this day of giving thanks, I think it's appropriate to express our undying gratitude that, whatever happens on the football field, we're not them.



DD: Indeed. God bless us, every one.

The poetry of premature trash-talk.

This was originally a feature I wanted to do on a weekly basis for Dr. Saturday, but he wanted to go with "Profiles in Disillusion" instead. And since that feature is on hiatus now that the season is winding to a close, I thought to myself, what better way to finally let it see the light of day than to spotlight the poignant poetry of the overconfident Tech fan? And so I bring you "The Poetry of Premature Trash-Talk," starting with the moving and evocative "This is OUR Moment (Soak This One In)" by StingTalk scribe "JoltinJacket." Read this and see if chills don't go up your spine:

This is our chance
To take the state by storm.
The tide was already started to turn
With some of the state's fence-sitters.

More and more folks are rooting for Tech.
More importantly, more and more HS players
Are paying attention to Tech.
Everything is aligned for a magical night.
As Brent Musberger said
At the end of the '90 Citrus Bowl telecast,
"These moments may come once a lifetime;
Enjoy 'em."

We may never see an opportunity again where
A 10-win Tech team hosts such a hapless,
Helpless bunch of Mutts.
Moments like these are special.

Indeed, JoltinJacket. You will be equally moved by our next selection, "The Hate Week Armory," with its stream-of-consciousness influences from "Song of Solomon," e.e. cummings, and mid-'80s hair metal:

I just....
i just can't wait anymore. I think I'm gonna break into BDS
and sit there until kickoff...
I'll skip Thanksgiving...

I just want to see this beatdown that has been playing in my head day and night actually manifest itself in a glorious and utterly mind-blowing fashion this Saturday. I think I have crossed over into over-confidence for the first time this entire season. For no other game have I been so thoroughly convinced that we will win as this one...

On Saturday the Jackets play the role of undertakers
as we will usher Georgia
straight to the fiery depths of Hell.

Sublime. BbuzzOff revivalist "brainbucket" strikes a more spiritual tone with his brief work, "Ugay [p]rayer request":

Dear Lord,
Please be with CMR & his staftt [sic],
the Ugay players, jawrjadawg,
20ozbulldog and the rest of Bulldawg nation.
Prepare them for the ass whipping they are about to receive.

Haunting, isn't it? Sometimes we forget that our most poignant and beautiful images are contained in the words we speak to our Higher Power.

But some of history's greatest poetry has found inspiration from battle hymns and war cries, too, which is apparent from our next two lyricists. First, published author Winfield Featherston, a double-threat who both composes verse and contributes to the blog "From the Rumble Seat," draws his beautifully crafted line in the sand with "A Football Preview":

It is time to tell the mutts that we are in control.
Make them piss themselves and make them leave Bobby Dodd early
because of our celebrating.
To Hell with Georgia.

It's time to wipe them off the face of the Earth.
54-10 Jackets.
TO HELL WITH GEORGIA!

In the comments thread for that same post, "chrisinindy" displays the poetry of not only premature trash-talk but premature counting of chickens that didn't even exist to begin with -- a brief, surrealist jaunt through an imagined world, undercut by a bitterness that evokes both T.S. Eliot and the Beat poets of 1960s counterculture. Here, "Makers and turkey hangover":

My hatred for Georgie is shining
through this morning after spending all day
yesterday with the inbred side of my
family.

We almost match the Cumberland score and
roll, 179-0 as they feel the
effects of no Green and Samuel.

And if A&M had even half a
defense, we’d be looking at a
#6 rating next week,
at worst . . .

The bitterness is palpable, isn't it? The kind of inner turmoil that can only spring from worrying more about a team from halfway across the country failing to earn you something you couldn't even bother to earn yourself. Dark, tortured . . . haunting.

We close with the rustic, workmanlike cadence of BBuzzOff's "ramblin gambler," whose contribution to the Breaking Down the DAWG Game! anthology is as simple and straightforward as the society from which it sprang:

Special teams advantage Ga?
Really?

They are so scared of having a kickoff returned for a TD
that they give it to their opponents on the 40 every time.
GT LOVES a short field.

Their kicker is better long distance on FG's,
but Blair has looked much better as the season progresses.
Also, we are the masters of the fake punt,
they are masters of shooting themselves in the foot
(see the blocked punt & facemask against KY).

I have to believe this is the game
where we steamroll them
and Cocks throws 5 INT's
trying to get back in the game.

Not even close -
GT 63
Leghumpers 13

I am breathless. As, I'm sure, are you.

I'm Doug Gillett, and this has been "The Poetry of Premature Trash-Talk." Good night.

Blue skies, heaven-sent.

You mess with our hedges, we mess with your turf . . . oh, no, I guess this is our turf now.

First, a confession: Other than Joe Cox's final kneeldown, I still have yet to see any of Georgia's win over Georgia Tech from Saturday night. When that game started, I was watching another game already in progress, and despite repeated offers by the other folks in the room to change the channel, I said no, partly out of a desire not to somehow "jinx" the team (hey, I never said there was any logic to any of this), partly because I wasn't sure I could bear the sight of the Dawgs getting trampled by Tech's running game. I just sat back on the couch, crossed my fingers, and did what they always tell you to do -- hope for the best while preparing for the worst.

The crawl at the bottom of the screen soon informed me that Georgia had gone up 7-0 on their very first drive; I didn't change the channel, thinking that the Dawgs appeared to have gotten off to a good start and didn't need my viewing eyes upsetting the delicate balance of . . . well, karma, or whatever cosmic force had spurred them to the early lead. (Again, didn't say there was any logic here.) When the Dawgs held Tech scoreless for the entire first half and held them to a field goal for their first score of the game, I didn't change the channel then, either, for the same reason. And then Georgia went into halftime up 17-3, and then I saw that Tech had scored on a 76-yard pass play on their first drive of the second half, only for Georgia to answer right back with a 75-yard run from Caleb King just seconds later, and then Georgia went into the final frame still ahead by double digits, and then kicked a field goal to go up 13, and then allowed a TD to the Jackets with seven and a half minutes left, and then had to give the ball back to Tech with three minutes left . . .

But then UGA-GT popped up on the crawl again with less than a minute and a half left in the game, and the little football icon was on Georgia's side, and I could finally breathe easily, knowing that the Dawgs were only a few kneeldowns away from getting revenge on the Jackets for last year's upset and closing out a trying regular season with their best win of the year. For the record, I don't regret not watching the game, as exciting as I'm sure it was; I'm going to pick it up on ESPN360 later on today anyway, and besides, I'm the kind of person who would rather the Dawgs go 14-0 and not be able to witness any of it than be present for every snap of a 10-3 year.


Didn't get to see Caleb King win the gold medal in the 75-yard dash, but I'm still confident it actually happened.

But here's what I do regret: not believing enough in our players. It's one thing to point out Georgia's weakness on this unit or that unit, express worry over a specific matchup, or even predict a loss; it's another thing to doubt whether your team has the heart to win a tough game, and I can't deny having done some of that in the week leading up to Clean Old-Fashioned Hate. In my "defense," I wasn't writing off our players as a bunch of spineless layabouts, but rather wondering whether they'd have the willpower or mental strength to get up off the mat after such a crushing loss to Kentucky and outlast a heavily favored opponent (after already having clinched Mark Richt's worse season, statistically speaking, to boot). But still, as someone who's gone ballistic over poor treatment of our players by our own fans, I shouldn't have done that, and I apologize to the team. I apologize to the coaches, too, whom I'd similarly written off.

Now, I'm not a Pollyanna about this one win, no matter how satisfying it might have been. After last season's solid bowl win over Michigan State, I think I made the mistake of being too quick to ass-out-of-you-and-me-assume that the problems that had made 2008 such a disappointment were automatically on the way to being solved, which clearly they weren't; I'm not going to make that same mistake this time around, because I know there's a lot of work to do over the next couple months. Souls will have to be searched, hard questions will have to be asked, and yes, people will have to get fired.

And no, beating Georgia Tech doesn't change that. Looked at a certain way, the GT win really shines an even more glaring light on some of our larger failings this season -- if we really had this much talent in the backfield, why didn't it start producing anything until halfway through the season? If we could screw our heads on straight enough to maintain a positive turnover margin against the #7 team in the country (and, it should be said, a team that came into the game 28th in the country in that category, at +6), why couldn't we do it against teams like South Carolina or Arizona State? If we could corral an offense as dangerous as Georgia Tech's as solidly as we did for four quarters Saturday, why did we only do it for two quarters when we faced them last year -- and why did we do it only intermittently (or in some cases not at all) against much lesser teams this time around?

Like I said, hard questions will have to be asked and very hard decisions will have to be made; I'll be digging into these topics over the next couple weeks. If Mark Richt makes the same mistake I made last year (and, evidently, that he made last year too) and assumes that one win has turned everything back in the right direction on its own, then we're more than likely going to be having this same conversation in a year's time, only in more desperate tones, and with yet more (like Richt's own job) on the line. But if Richt takes full stock of the season as a whole and full responsibility for his staff's failings, and makes changes in both personnel (no matter how hard they might be for him personally) and the overall attitude and mentality of the program, then there's reason to think that with the talent we have on hand, we'll be more than capable of fulfilling the promise this program seemed to display two years ago when we were marching out of the Superdome with 11 wins, a Sugar Bowl trophy, and a top-five ranking in our pocket.


Reshad, after all the crap you've had to take from me, the refs, and everyone else, you deserve some credit for being a DGD.

A lot of ifs, I know. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it; for right now, I'm certainly not going to let those difficult considerations cloud my enjoyment of a win over GT. I'll never be disappointed about beating the nerds, particularly at a juncture where they were angling to seize the mantle of the state's premier college football program. That may happen eventually, Techies -- law of averages, infinite monkeys with infinite typewriters, and all that -- but for right now, we're still Georgia and you're still Tech, and that still sucks for you.

GO DAWGS!

"I said, no more 45-42. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time."

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!?: The Georgia Tech preview.

I, too, think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.

Hometown: Atlanta, Georgia.

Last season: Started 6-1, went through an unpleasant 1-2 late-season slump with losses to Virginia and UNC, but bounced back to beat Miami and Georgia in their last two games by steamrolling the 'Canes and Dawgs with that triple-option rushing attack. Beat out at the buzzer by Virginia Tech for the Coastal Division's berth in the ACC title game; had to settle for a bid to the Peach Bowl, where they came out flat and got destroyed, 38-3, by what was supposedly an ice-cold LSU squad. Still finished 9-4, 5-3 in the ACC, and ranked 22d in both polls.

This season: Received a 33-17 donkeypunching at Miami in their third game but has been red-hot since, getting played within a single score only three times and getting their revenge on Virginia Tech, 28-23, in Atlanta. Clinched an ACC title-game berth with their blowout win over Duke two weeks ago, and are now 10-1 (7-1 ACC), ranked seventh in both polls and the BCS standings.

Hate index, 1 being Georgia, 10 being Georgia Tech: Sixty-three. Even when Tech couldn't buy a win over us to save their worthless lives, they had that annoying little-brother unearned-superiority attitude, the kind of attitude that prompts them to get on message boards and taunt teams that have beaten them five, six, seven years in a row. And now that they actually have a decent team and have beaten Georgia once -- once -- this century, they're acting like they've owned us ever since football was invented. Tennessee fan and avowed UGA hater Rusty Tanton Twittered it best yesterday: "Even I'm finding Tech fans obnoxious this week. They sound like new money."

Associated hottie: According to her unofficial bio, Marvel Comics character Barbara Morse-Barton, otherwise known as "Mockingbird," earned a biology degree at Georgia Tech before joining the espionage agency SHIELD. I hope the irony is not lost on any of you that on the Venn diagram of "Georgia Tech alumni" and "hot chicks," the intersection is so minute that I had to pick not just a fictional character for this section but a comic-book character. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.



What excites me: As badly as Georgia's pass defense has been burned on numerous occasions this season, Tech's is actually worse by a fair margin -- 78th in the nation in yardage allowed, 94th in efficiency allowed, and that's against the less-than-stellar passing offenses of the ACC (of the opponents GT has faced in '09, only four rank higher than 80th nationally in passing yardage). Jacory Harris threw four passes for 20 yards or more against Tech; Riley Skinner, also four; and FSU's Christian Ponder threw six, with all three QBs finishing with completion percentages of 65 or greater. Even Mississippi State's Tyson Lee completed two-thirds of his throws and rolled up 278 yards through the air. Obviously Joe Cox has struggled mightily this season, but the kid has thrown some awfully nice deep passes, and he stands to put up some nice numbers on Saturday if we properly open up the playbook. (Just no swings or screens, please. Oh, and nothing short over the middle. But everything else is fine.)

And as badly as Georgia's run defense looked over the second half of the '08 season, they've improved immensely in '09, going from an average of 226 yards allowed per game (right at five per carry) over the last five games of the '08 regular season to 120.6 allowed per game in '09 (less than 3.4 per carry), good for third in the SEC. Not that this means we're all of a sudden going to lock down on Tech's triple-option the way, say, LSU or Miami did, but there's got to be some improvement relative to last year, even if it's only of the can't-possibly-get-any-worse variety.


Think we could do something other than bounce right off these guys this time around? Yes, let's try that.

Really, the more you look at all of Tech's statistics, the more you have to take them with a lot of salt -- it's been more than a month since the Yellow Jackets last played a team currently in possession of a winning record, and when they did, they got played close. Clemson (presently 8-3) roared back from a 24-0 second-quarter deficit and forced Tech to kick the winning field goal with less than a minute left; Florida State (6-5) rolled up 539 total yards and chased the Jackets all the way down to the final minutes in a shootout loss; Virginia Tech (8-3) harassed Josh Nesbitt into his worst passing performance of the season and lost by five in Atlanta. Since then it's been a steady diet of also-rans, and even struggling Wake Forest (4-7) took Tech to OT on the Jackets' own field. Georgia Tech is clearly an excellent team, but they're not invincible.

Finally -- and I may only be grasping at straws here -- Tech comes into this game as a favorite for the first time in ages, and it remains to be seen how they'll react to it. Granted, this team's focus and psychological fortitude are obviously miles ahead of where they were under Chan Gailey, but they've been hearing for weeks now how much better they are than UGA and how badly they should blow out the Dawgs in front of the home crowd. If Georgia can hang with Tech for at least the first half, the Jackets might just get nervous enough to start pressing and making mistakes.

What worries me: Can Georgia hand with Tech for a half, though? Not if they play like they did in the second half of last year's game they can't. And here's the unsung, and ominous, aspect of Tech's offense this year: Not only is their triple-option gobbling up yardage at an even faster clip relative to the 2008 model -- 314 yards per game versus 273 -- they've also put together a passing attack good for something other than a twice-every-quarter distraction. Last year, Josh Nesbitt only averaged about 62 yards per game and had a 3:7 TD:INT ratio; this year, despite putting up only marginally better completion numbers, he's nearly doubled last year's yardage total (in only 11 games) and gotten onto the good side of the TD:INT ratio by a two-to-one margin. At this point, Nesbitt's stats are actually better than Tim Tebow's in most categories, and he's been lethal with the deep ball -- Tech's top four receivers all have yards-per-catch averages well above 20.


Yes, they actually throw it some now, too. You've been warned.

Given that Tech's offense only had to complete one pass last year to completely unload on us, and given that our front seven already will have to play a virtually flawless game on Saturday to keep the triple-option contained, does anyone seriously think that Willie Martinez is capable of scheming up a way to stop the Jackets? Between Martinez's troubles with mobile quarterbacks and or continuing inability to keep defensive backs within five yards of opposing receivers on a consistent basis, Tech may not even have to dress their punter on Saturday. Our pass rush has gotten a big shot in the arm from the emergence of Justin Houston, but our one dependable playmaker in the secondary, Bacarri Rambo, is still shaking off the rust from the concussion he sustained two weeks ago and is all but certain to be inactive for the Tech game. If you're one of those doomsayers actively hoping for Tech's offense to run wild this weekend so as to hasten the firing of Willie Martinez, you're likely to get the first half of your wish, at least.

Player who needs to step up: This is one of those weeks when it can't be narrowed down to a single player -- the entire defense needs to step up for this one. The few teams that have had success stopping the Tech offense did so because they stayed focused, stuck with their assignments, and stayed with the play until they'd brought the ball-carrier all the way to the ground -- none of which are things we've been terribly consistent at, against Tech or anyone else, over the last couple seasons. As we saw against Tech last year (and in multiple games this year), it doesn't take more than a couple big plays by the opponent for things to start snowballing; if our defense wants to get revenge for last year's implosion and send its seniors out on a high note, they're going to have to play the most intense, mistake-free game of their careers.

What does it all mean? This game is pretty cut-and-dried, and unfortunately, it comes down to one pretty cut-and-dried issue: whether our defense can stop the Georgia Tech offense. If you haven't picked up on it already, I don't think we can.


Pretty sure I remember this resulting in a Tech touchdown, but maybe that's just me.

Not that all hope is lost, mind you. The run defense we've fielded this season, while hardly impregnable, is far stronger than the out-of-position, arm-tackling band of Keystone Kops we had the misfortune of watching in the latter half of last season. We're healthier and we're tackling better, and if we could've only pit this year's run defense against last year's Georgia Tech offense, then maybe we wouldn't have allowed them 409 net rushing yards and we would've run our streak to eight in a row like everyone wanted and I wouldn't be mixing crushed Celexa tablets into my Zaxby's sauce.

But Georgia Tech's coaching staff -- as I hear good coaching staffs have a tendency to do -- has developed, refined, adapted, and thrown a new wrinkle into their offensive attack. Now, playing proper assignment football and actually wrapping up the ball carrier is only half of our task on Saturday; we've also got to account for a deep passing game poised to napalm us the minute Paul Johnson gets a wild hair. Again, I have not seen anything from our pass defense this season that gives me any confidence Willie Martinez is capable of containing that. Given the degree to which Kentucky's sputtering, banged-up offense was able to leave us in their dust given the slightest opening, I'm strapping in for a long night and preparing to spend a lot of it covering my eyes.


First Nesbitt completes a 60-yard touchdown bomb, and that's when the little girl climbs out of the well . . .

Still, the spread is somehow only eight points for this game (up slightly from seven at the opening), so apparently somebody out there does give us credit for being able to at least kind of, sort of keep up with Tech on the scoreboard. Certainly Tech's pass defense has been even worse than ours this season, so particularly if Joe Cox goes into this game with something to prove, I have every confidence we'll be able to whizz some deep shots right by them, even without A.J. Green. Tavarres King, Orson Charles, Rantavious Wooten, and even Israel Troupe have all made some very clutch receptions over the last couple weeks in Green's absence, and if I'm Mike Bobo, I don't give Cox anything to throw shorter than 20 yards. Leave the short-yardage plays to Washaun and Caleb, and for God's sake no more screen passes, unless you want to see Tech linebacker Brad Jefferson leaping into the south end-zone student section at Bobby Dodd to celebrate a pick-six.

Does it suck that we have to sweat this game now? Yes, and it sucks even worse that we're all but counting it as an automatic W. I hate to be the kind of person who comes across as having that little confidence in our team. But it's time to just come out and say it: Tech's coaching staff has flat blown our coaching staff into the weeds this season in terms of preparation, scheming, and adapting to changing conditions on the field of play. Whereas Georgia's coaches appear to have recruited a bunch of name-brand talent and just tossed it onto the field assuming they'd all know what to do, Tech brought in a class not all that much better than their usual recruits but assembled a game plan that has developed them and utilized nearly every last one of them to their full potential. Paul Johnson developed his triple-option quarterback better than Richt and Bobo have developed their fifth-year senior in a pro-style system. Not only did Tech manage not to kill their late-season momentum last week with a humiliating collapse in what should've been a layup game, they had a bye week with which to do some extra gearing-up for the Dawgs. You tell me which staff is going to be better prepared come Saturday.

Maybe if Tech comes into this game overconfident, and maybe if Joe can shrug off his recent miseries fearlessly enough to carpet-bomb the Tech secondary, we can keep this game as close as the oddsmakers inexplicably seem to think we will. But 11 games into a lost season, it's too late to magically make ourselves good enough to beat a 10-1, likely BCS-bound opponent. It kills me to say it, but Tech wins by two touchdowns.

Hey, Shreveport happens.

If you're trash-talking: Just because Georgia is highly likely to lose this weekend doesn't mean anyone should be shirking their responsibilities to put the nerds in their place. A couple months ago, I had the pleasure of attending a high-school football game in Knoxville with Holly and a friend of hers who teaches at one of the schools involved; her friend's school had beaten this particular arch-rival seven years in a row, and though that streak ended with a disappointing loss on this particular Friday night, the student section -- easily the best student section I've ever seen at any high-school sporting event anywhere, by the way -- left the stadium taunting the victors with a chant of "One and se-ven [clap, clap, clapclapclap]." This is a perfectly reasonable response to any new-money Techie declarations that they "own" us now, and make no mistake, that's what they'll be claiming.


Gonna be my boss someday? All that talk ain't fixing my computer any faster, bitch.

They're also likely to tell you that you'll be pumping their gas or delivering their pizza one of these days, but I can say in all honesty that the only time I've ever worked in the same office with a "Tech Man," he was several notches below me on the organizational chart. If anything, that kind of subservience to UGA grads is only more likely in today's job market; these, after all, are the folks Best Buy will be sending over to troubleshoot your computer or wireless Internet connection or whatever, so if you're going to the game on Saturday you might as well just go ahead and set up appointments with them directly rather than sit around on hold all day, Feel free, too, to inquire as to whether any of them have ever seen a vagina somewhere other than a magazine or Web site, touched a pair of breasts other than their own sagging man-boobs, or kissed a member of the opposite sex, period; as we all know, Tech fans typically have to undertake some rather extraordinary measures to accomplish any of those things.

And in the unfortunately likely event that we go down in flames to them again this year, do not hesitate to burst their bubbles by informing them that if history is any guide, they'll get one more win over us next year and then they'll be back to roaming the wilderness for the better part of a decade. That's how this rivalry works, Techies. God smacks us Dawg fans around a little for our hubris every few years, sure, but just when y'all think you've got our number and the balance of power in the state has been irrevocably altered, He puts everything right back in its natural, rightful state. 59-39-5, dicklicks. If you could do better than that, you woulda by now.

I will run up and down the street in front of my house wearing nothing but a Georgia flag wrapped about my nether regions if: Georgia wins, period. No, to hell with that: I'll do it butt-ass naked. Then I'll put it up against the window of the nearest car I see with any kind of Tech identifier on it, 'cause I'm classy like that.

Go Dawgs.

A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:Career ambitions and other things involving boobs.

· At this time of resolutions and new beginnings, vows are made and valiant goals are set, and glory be, it was the perfect time for me to seize upon a new life's ambition: becoming Rey Maualuga's wingman.



Homes just air-humped America's hottest sports reporter in front of a packed grandstand and at no point was she the wiser -- how fucking smoove is that? Big Daddy Kane would weep to know just how easy pimpin' is, in actual practice, for some people. Somehow I have a feeling that being part of ReyRey's entourage is a non-stop unmitigated blast, as what he throws back is probably Playboy-caliber. I've never been a fan of celebrity reality shows, but if somebody pitches "ReyRey After Dark" once Maualuga gets drafted, I'll buy a TiVo just so I can have every single second of every episode in my virtual possession.

· When I do become El Rey's right-hand man, we're rolling in this:



A monochrome black paint job that covers everything right down to the grille? An integrated Kenwood A/V system? I mean, all that's well and good, but when your ride is so comprehensively pimped out that even Krug champagne is pitching in, you might as well install an oversized rearview mirror to hold all the panties that are going to end up hung on it. No word on pricing yet, and obviously it won't be completely street-legal in the U.S. anyway (as Citroën hasn't maintained an official sales presence here since 1974), but I doubt that a minor technicality like that would stop ReyRey.

· With the Redskins having late-season-collapsed their way right out of a playoff berth and the Falcons and Colts both getting bounced in back-to-back games Saturday evening, my NFL playoff interest level has just about sunk all the way to its "I'll Watch Because I'm a Red-Blooded Heterosexual Male and It's Expected of Me, But Seriously, Fuck This Sport" baseline, but I will offer some grudging daps to one of my rooting interests' cruel vanquishers: San Diego may have finished 8-8 and their quarterback may be a Faulknerian idiot man-child, but they have the absolute best cheerleader unis in the business. Either that, or every female in San Diego County between the ages of 18 and 30 is a 36DD.


In which case, I'm moving.

· This is wrong, right? I mean, even as an established Lego over-enthusiast, it's kind of wrong. Yet paradoxically it's also kind of right at the same time. Let me hear y'all's opinion on this issue, seriously. It's conflicting. (Hat tip: Geekologie.)


Makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.

· OK, that's more than enough filth, real or implied, for one blog post. I leave you today with this. Every joke meme has a certain shelf life, and some of them are longer than others, but this one's gonna be around for a while.

I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing (to) you: the Georgia Tech preview.

I, Georgia Tech, challenge you to an honor du-el!

Hometown: Pelargir, Gondor. Uh, I mean Atlanta, Georgia.

Last season: Got off to a great start, beating Notre Dame 33-3 in South Bend, but then everyone realized that, oh yeah, Notre Dame sucks. Struggled to a 4-4 ACC record before falling to Georgia for a seventh straight year, which was deemed enough to earn coach Chan Gailey his walking papers; defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta coached the Jackets in their bowl game, a 40-28 Roady's Humanitarian Bowl loss to Fresno State. They finished the season 7-6 overall and unranked.

The season thus far: Not bad, actually. Under new coach Paul Johnson's diabolical triple-option offensive scheme, Tech shot out to a 6-1 start and a #21 ranking before losing to Virginia at home; they're now 8-3 (5-3 ACC) and ranked #18 in the AP poll, #23 in the coaches'. And if Virginia beats Virginia Tech this weekend, Georgia Tech represents the Coastal Division in the ACC title match, no matter what happens in the UGA-GT game.

Hate index, 1 being homemade apple pie, 10 being squash and most other gourd-related foodstuffs: Fifty. You should know why if you've been reading this blog for any significant length of time, but if you don't, here's a good place to start, followed by this, and the first couple paragraphs of this probably bear mentioning as well.

Associated hottie: Trick question! We all know there are no girls at Tech. But here's Jennifer Copeland, a Florida model who's at least willing to pretend she's a Tech fan.



I've gotta think some money changed hands to make this happen; I just don't know how much.

Celebrity preview: You can talk smack about the Dawgs if you must, but you better not say shit about my mom, who dissects the Jackets in her own unique way here.

What excites me: Here's an SAT question for you:

What does this series of numbers represent?

95 110 105 104 85 102 45 99 90

a) the weight, in pounds, of each of the last nine Vogue cover models

b) the nine state and U.S. highways that pass through Henderson, Nevada

c) the ages of the nine men currently serving in Dick Cheney's "shadow cabinet"

d) the rankings (out of 120) of each of Georgia Tech's nine D-IA opponents in total offense

If you answered "d," give yourself a cookie. Such are the plum benefits of playing in this year's ACC: In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king, and in the land of sucktastic offenses, any team that can play even a modicum of defense comes out looking like the '75 Steelers. In contrast to these stiffs, though, Georgia's offense comes in at #24 in the nation, averaging exactly 429 yards per game. That includes a 19th-ranked passing game cranking out 268.5 yards per contest, which should be particularly meaningful this weekend, because who's the best QB the Jackets have had to account for this season? Cullen Harper? Christian Ponder? Whoever it is, they probably had neither the arm nor the receiving corps that Matt Stafford will have when he takes the field this weekend.


I know Matt Stafford. I've watched Matt Stafford. Matt Stafford is a Facebook friend of mine (request pending). You, ACC quarterbacks, are no Matt Stafford.

Georgia has also had two weeks to prepare for the Jackets' triple-option attack, and Mark Richt has done an incredible job of making the most of any extra time he's given to get ready for games. The Dawgs are 24-4 in the Richt era when they've had more than a week to prepare, 11-2 (0.846) if you take out season openers and bowl games; they're 8-3-2 against the spread coming off a bye week. (Oddly enough, their only two regular-season losses coming off a bye were to Auburn, in '01 and '05.) Earlier this season, the Dawgs used their first bye to get up off the mat after their loss to Alabama and throttle the Volunteers; obviously, that wasn't a perfect game by any stretch, but Knowshon went over 100 yards and Stafford set a new career high in passing yards, and our defense straight-up crushed the Vol offense, so clearly we did something right in our off week. And just as that bye came at a perfect time, when we needed to regroup after a humiliating loss, so does this one, after three straight weeks of sloppy and distracted performances by our D. There's reason to be optimistic that this last bye was similarly used to regain a little focus.

And that's only one of the intangibles that break solidly in Georgia's favor -- not that anyone who's monitored this rivalry over the past seven years needs to be reminded. The game is in Athens, where the Jackets have won only one out of every three times in this series. And for all the swagger Tech has supposedly found under Paul Johnson -- who, to his credit, is about as diametrically opposite to Chan Gailey as a coach can get -- they're still the ones who have lost seven in a row, and thus the ones upon whom there is the most pressure to perform on Saturday. None of the guys on this year's Tech squad have anything particularly positive to take from their past experiences with the Dawgs; QB Josh Nesbitt's one pass attempt against Georgia last year was picked off, while Jonathan Dwyer, leading all of Tech's rushers with 1,184 yards on 170 carries, had exactly two carries for two yards versus UGA a year ago.

They may have broken through the iron-clad Chan Gailey seven-win ceiling, but the Jackets have yet to prove they can make any meaningful dents in Georgia's domination of this series. Paul Westerdawg puts it pretty succinctly: If "wanting it" was all that mattered, Tech would be the ones with the seven-year winning streak. But they're not. So . . . so what?


In any number of variations, the "triple option" has been known to result in tears.

What worries me: Here's what: "Wanting it more" may not win games, but "crushing people with a mind-boggling rushing attack" clearly will, at least a few. With Paul Johnson's triple-option system running more or less at full speed, the Techies rank fourth in the nation (and first in the BCS conferences) with 271 rushing yards per game at a 5.5-yard-per-carry clip. And they're doing it against solid defenses, too: They rolled up 162 rushing yards on Boston College (ranked #7 nationwide against the run), 278 on Virginia Tech (#19), and 288 on Florida State (#21).

Does Georgia's run defense qualify as "solid"? Well, up until a few weeks ago it did, but after allowing a total of 427 rushing yards through their first seven games (at a piddling 2.4-ypc average), the Dawgs have allowed 723 rushing yards in their last four (with the average carry jumping up to 4.2 yards). This is a baaaad trend to be livin' under when you're about to face a triple-option attack. Moreover, the concept of "assignment" football that defenses typically shift to when they're about to face an option attack requires a tremendous amount of discipline, and that's something we just haven't been exhibiting lately. We're not tackling well at all, and even when we do, we're committing dumb-ass face-mask or late-hit penalties that enable other teams to keep drives alive. (Maybe that's one benefit of our guys having to defend the triple-option: You're much less likely to incur a roughing-the-passer penalty when they only pass it 12 times per game.)

Has Georgia learned enough discipline and got enough fire back in their bellies over the past two weeks to play a smarter, more disciplined brand of football against the Jackets? I guess we'll see. Senator Blutarsky sounds optimistic that the meaning of this rivalry, and the importance of an eighth straight win, are not lost on this year's players. And Mark Richt, to his credit, has always seemed well aware that he's going to take Tech's very best shot and has found ways to prepare for that. But we won't know for sure until the two teams take the field at noon Saturday.


Ain't a damn thing changed, boy, protect ya neck.

Player who needs to step up: WLB Rennie Curran. Not that Rennie hasn't been stepping it up for the past three months, mind you; even during the doldrumiest of Georgia's defensive doldrums, #35 has consistently been out there chopping wood (and heads, Wu-Tang style). But the Dawg defense needs a leader to keep their bellies aflame and their heads in the game, and it's most likely gonna fall to Curran to be that guy. First order of business: Teaching the rest of the starters how to tackle, perhaps? At the very least, somebody needs to tell Reshad Jones that this isn't flag football, and a mere chest bump, no matter how forcefully it's administered, does not automatically cause an opposing ball carrier to be declared "down."

What I think will happen: A few days before the Georgia-Alabama game back in September, my co-worker Stanley, who graduated from Georgia but was raised deep in the heart of Bama country, predicted that "either Georgia's going to win a very close game, or Bama's just going to blow them out." At the time, I scoffed; needless to say, any lingering scoffing had ceased by halftime.


Exhibit (A) as to what happens when one takes a tough opponent for granted.

Why do I bring this up now? Well, I think the outlook for the 101st official edition of Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate is kind of similar. No, I don't mean that Georgia is destined for another 31-0 first-half jackhammering, but I do think we'll know very early on what kind of attitude each team is bringing to this game. If the Dawgs decide to continue filling the role of Tech's personal tormentor -- the Jerry to their Tom, if you will, the Bugs Bunny to their Elmer Fudd -- while the Jackets end up continuing their long-standing tradition of soiling themselves at the mere sight of a super-G, then the Dawgs probably roll up another two-touchdown win aesthetically similar to last year's. If, on the other hand, the Jackets truly are a team transformed under Paul Johnson, while the Dawgs phone it in on defense in a manner similar to what they did against Kentucky or Florida, then it'll be Georgia on the bad end of an early 14-0 score (or worse) that they never quite manage to make up.

I believe the more likely outcome, though, lies somewhere in between those two: If UGA and Tech both bring their respective A games, then this is a hard-fought contest that goes all the way down to the final minutes. Let's not beat around the bush here: Tech is averaging 271 rushing yards per game this season, and my guess is they get at least that many on Saturday; if you put a gun to my head, I'd guess they go over the 300-yard barrier for the fifth time this season. However, it's instructive to remember that North Carolina gave up 326 yards on the ground to Tech two weeks ago and still managed to pound them 28-7. They accomplished this by doing two things: forcing Josh Nesbitt into a dismal passing day (10-22, 97 yards, one pick) and winning the turnover battle (+3).


Hope you've got some of this game tape in your Netflix queue, Willie.

The latter isn't something Georgia has been particularly adept at this season -- I was surprised to find that we're actually -1 on the year, which is only good for a tie for 67th in the nation. Part of the reason for that, though, is that we haven't taken away or coughed up the ball all that many times this season. And if we take care of the ball this weekend the way we have in our best moments, then we've got a chance to win the turnover battle by forcing Tech into some mistakes. The Jackets are currently only tied for 78th in the country in turnovers lost, mainly owing to 18 lost fumbles (tied for third most in D-IA); if we play disciplined and snatch the ball away a couple times, then we'll be in great shape, even if Tech does manage to bust a few big runs.

But will we play disciplined? I'll be honest: I got no fuckin' idea. The bye week, as I've said, should be a plus for us; I don't doubt that guys like Richt and Martinez recognize the need for us to get re-focused on the fundamentals of tackling and sound assignment football. For any of that to actually translate into a winning defensive performance, though, a leader's going to have to emerge on that side of the ball to get the players to buy into it. Rennie Curran could be that guy, Ellerbe could be, but . . . well, I guess we won't know for sure until Tech takes the ball for the first time. I'll be honest, I don't feel nearly as good about that as I'd like to.

Fortunately, one of our most glaring weaknesses on defense -- our utter lack of a pass rush -- will be mitigated to some extent by the fact that Josh Nesbitt has only attempted more than 20 passes once this season (against North Carolina, also the only time he had completions in double digits). And again, as good as Tech's defense has frequently looked this season, they have yet to face a balanced offensive attack anything like what Georgia brings to the table. So what does it all mean? Well, I'm girding my loins for something that looks a lot like the Kentucky game: Another solid performance from the Georgia offense, a lot of rushing yards given up to the opposing defense, and both teams managing to match each other punch for punch (and score for score, more or less) until some combination of critical Tech turnover/heroic Georgia drive in the final minutes of the game ices it for the Dawgs.


And you know what that means: CLEAR!

How confident am I about that? Eh . . . no comment. Either way, Dawg Nation, it's time to strap the fuck in and keep the nitro tabs at the ready. But I've got faith that if we play smart, cover the Nesbitt/Dwyer combo and produce on offense the way we should be able to, we've got a shot at Eight In A Row, Bitches. And that's all the early Christmas gift I could possibly ask for.

If you're trash-talking: "Seven in a row, bitches" should be all that you need. But Paul Westerdawg points out that that's only the beginning. The Techies haven't beaten us without Ralph Friedgen on their coaching staff since 1984 -- guess he's kind of like their David Cutcliffe -- and haven't beaten us without at last 10 ineligible players on their roster since their shared national title in 1990.

Fine, you say. Anyone can rattle off a bunch of boring statistics. But a picture really is worth a thousand words, and it's pictures that neatly sum up everything about the difference between Georgia and Georgia Tech. Here's the first result that pops up when you do a Google image search for "university of georgia student":



And here's the first result for "georgia tech student":



I could say more, but any explanation I could offer here would only be belaboring the point.

Why you should root for Georgia even if you don't care about this game: Georgia is 59-36-5 in this rivalry. Georgia Tech hasn't had a winning decade in the series since the 1950s, when Bobby Dodd was their head coach; since their record-setting eight-year win streak under Dodd, they're 14-37 against the Dawgs. So it's only fair that Georgia, being as dominant as they've been in this rivalry, should hold at least a tie for the longest series winning streak, which they would earn with an eighth straight win this Saturday. Plus if Tech wins this Saturday for the first time this century, they're going to act like they just won the national title and start telling everyone they "own" us now, and I can't even begin to tell you how annoying that would be.

I will run up and down Highland Avenue in front of my apartment building wearing nothing but a Georgia flag if: Georgia wins, period. I don't care whether we cover the spread or not, whether we win 13-10 or 52-48; if we take an eighth straight over the nerds, that'll be worth some public semi-nudity on my part, no matter how cold it is outside. But a blowout win would send a message to Paul Johnson similar to the one we sent to Chan Gailey in his first game against the Dawgs, so I'm uppin' the ante here: If Georgia somehow beats Georgia Tech by three TDs or more, I'll do the flag run without the flag. Yep, you heard me. And such a thing will all but assuredly destroy any chance I had of getting a job with the Obama administration -- yes, I filled out my app at change.gov last week -- but what can I say? Obama's on the bumper of my car, but the red and black is in my blood, son. And don't any of y'all ever forget it.