Manic-Depressive Preview: Servin' up a little bile and condescension for Thanksgiving.

The Manic-Depressive Previewers have had a week off to lick their wounds from the Auburn game -- well, Depressive Doug licked his wounds, Manic Doug got blazing drunk and loudly predicted to anyone who would listen how it's only a matter of time before Cam Newton gets declared ineligible and the NCAA blasts Auburn's football program back into the leather-helmet era. Either way, though, they've had some time off and are now tanned, rested, and ready to go full speed ahead for this weekend's clash of the titans -- or, perhaps more accurately, clash of the Titanics? -- between Georgia and Georgia Tech this weekend.

Manic Doug: Woohoooo!!!! Time for some Clean Old-Fashioned Hate, bro! Man, this is always my favorite time of the season, 'cause it means I get to whip out my best insults and give those pretentious, pasty-skinned, no-social-life-having dicklicks at Tech the carpet-bombing they deserve.

Depressive Doug: Yeah, and it's always my least favorite time of the season, because I have to sit here and cover my head while you jinx the crap out of us with your overconfidence.

MD: First of all, every time is your least favorite time of the year, from the looks of things. Second of all, how have I "jinxed" us, exactly? Oh, no, we've only won eight out of the last nine times! Clearly I'm the kiss of death!

DD: OK, so you got a pass for the Chan Gailey years. Between him and Patrick Nix, even your bad karma couldn't power them to a win. But even you have to admit that it's kind of a new ballgame with Paul Johnson as their head coach.

MD: Did we beat them last year or didn't we? Then clearly it isn't that new a ballgame.

DD: Maybe not, but you can't seriously sit there and call Tech a gimme win anymore. Even last year, they still managed to ring up more than 200 net rushing yards on us, and they came very close to erasing that two-touchdown lead we had at halftime on a number of occasions.

MD: "Came very close" still adds up to "lost" in my book. I mean, if even Willie Martinez can eventually figure out how to handle Paul Johnson's triple-option, I think Todd Grantham can probably pull it off.

DD: In a year when we're still trying to master the 3-4 defense in the twelfth game of the season? And still don't have a clue as to how to stop a mobile QB?

MD: OK, sit down a second, 'cause daddy's gonna tell you why this "mobile QB" thing everybody's been worrying about with respect to Georgia Tech is a load of bunk. The mobile quarterbacks we've had problems with this year have all been guys who could throw -- Tyler Hansen, Trey Burton, Cam Newton. But this Tech offense can't throw to save its life. Losing Demaryius Thomas to the NFL draft has completely taken away their only sure-fire deep threat; it's dropped their per-game passing yardage by more than 50 and their team pass efficiency from 12th in the nation to 110th. And that was even before their starting QB went out for the season with a wrist injury. With Josh Nesbitt gone, they're even less inclined to pass, meaning we can devote our full attention to loading up on the line and playing assignments against the triple-option.

DD: Yeah, which worked out just swell two years ago, when their passing game was just as much an afterthought as it is now and they still managed to roll us for 409 yards. While completing one pass the entire afternoon.

MD: Again, though, that was with Nesbitt, not to mention Jonathan Dwyer, who's also gone off to the NFL.

DD: Their leading rusher in that game was actually Roddy Jones, who went off on us for 214.

MD: And who barely has more than that for the entire 2010 season. I'm telling you, dude, people have started figuring out the Tech offense, just like I said they would. They're going to get some yards this weekend, but not nearly enough to matter.

DD: You don't think so?

MD: No, because a run-dominant, grind-it-out offense isn't gonna be able to keep up on the scoreboard with an offense that has as many weapons as we've got. Remember, Tech's trying to transition to a 3-4 front too, and they haven't mastered it any better than we have. They certainly don't have the personnel to cover A.J. Green, pressure Murray, and stack up against the run consistently.

DD: A.J. I'll grant you. The other two I wouldn't be quite so sure about -- you know how up-and-down our running game has been, and we haven't been all that consistent in pass protection, either.

MD: But Tech's pass rush has been practically nonexistent -- they've only got 16 sacks for the entire year. As for their ability to stop the run, you know how one of the biggest complaints about our defense this year is that we still don't have a dominant guy at nose tackle who can draw double-teams and plug up the middle? Tech's guy in the middle is Logan Walls, who's no bigger than any of our guys are. I'm not saying we're gonna out-rush them like we did last year -- though that'd be awesome -- but between Caleb King and Washaun Ealey, I'll bet cash money that at least one of them goes over 100 yards.

DD: Well, I can see you've been cured of your overconfidence regarding Tech. Bra-vo.

MD: You know, the more I think about this game the more I wonder what in the hell you're so worried about. Their offense is performing at a way lower level than it did in Paul Johnson's first years, and they're missing three of their most important playmakers from those teams. Again, it's not like we're going to completely dominate them in terms of rushing yards, but as long as we nail the fundamentals and wrap them up when we're tackling -- which seems a lot more likely given that we've been having full-pads, full-contact practices all week -- they're not going to be able to do to us what they did in 2008. And they're certainly not going to be able to match the speed with which we can put points on the board. A.J. is going to have another career day for the NFL scouts, Caleb and Washaun are going to clean up the rest, and we're going to win 42-20.



DD: Somehow I'm not the least bit surprised that you see a blowout happening this weekend. I, on the other hand, see a shootout. Full-contact practices or no, we're still crossing our fingers and hoping that our D-coordinator, talented though he may be, can hold down a triple-option offensive attack he never had to game-plan against in the NFL. I see the Techies being geeked up at a chance to get revenge for last year's game and win one for their injured QB, and I think they're going to win 34-30.

MD: You Judas. It's one thing for you to pick a team like Florida or Auburn to win, but Tech is the lowest of the low, the program that combines worthless football team and pissy, annoying fan base like no other program on our schedule. And you're going to pick them to deny us a bowl bid?

DD: If you want to talk obnoxious fans, I think you're really splitting hairs if you're trying to draw any distinction between Tech and Florida. But yes, I think we're staying home for bowl season this year.

MD: Unacceptable. I've keyed people's cars for less.

DD: Well, considering that we drive the same car, I hope you'll manage to maintain some semblance of self-control in this case. And considering that our predictions average out to what looks like a pretty convincing 36-27 Georgia win, maybe you can just let this one go.

MD: Maybe. I can forget. But I can't forgive.

(pause)

DD: So . . . you're eventually going to forget we even had this disagreement, but you're going to hold a grudge against me anyway?

MD: I know what I said.

DD: Yeah, and the sad thing is, I wouldn't put something that ridiculous past you, either. How about instead of not making any sense you grace us all with the Associated Hottie so that we can get out of here and crush some turkey.

MD: Not falling for that one, G. You know there aren't any hot girls at Tech. Searching for an Associated Hottie to represent the Jackets would be like trying to find a college graduate at an Insane Clown Posse show.

DD: Perhaps, but I did manage to find this on the Web somewhere.



MD: Huh. Wow. Who's that?

DD: Jamie Eason, I think her name is -- a "fitness model" by trade, or some such.

MD: Interesting. You realize, of course, that there's no way in hell she went to Tech.

DD: Oh, of course not. Really the only question is how much they had to pay her to wear that shirt.

MD: At least four figures would be my guess. Can you imagine what would happen if an actual male Tech student was ever approached by a chick like that?

DD: Barely, but either way, I'd want to grab some popcorn and watch the show.

MD: Yeah. See, you're getting into this.

DD: Hey, while I may be a voice of doom and misery when it comes to our football team, you will never hear me speak of Tech fans as anything other than annoying, comically maladjusted, disgusting people.

MD: That's the spirit! And on this day of giving thanks, I think it's appropriate to express our undying gratitude that, whatever happens on the football field, we're not them.



DD: Indeed. God bless us, every one.

Manic-Depressive Preview: If you've got any more Prayers on the Plains, now'd be the time to use 'em.

So we're nearing the end of a difficult season, and the Dawgs now sit at 5-5, and at a crossroads -- they've got two big rivals left, Auburn and Georgia Tech, and they're gonna have to beat at least one of them to make it to a bowl this year. Will they make it? Manic Doug, who watched every last second of the Dawgs' 55-7 beatdown of Idaho State last week, and Depressive Doug, who used the time to catch up on his flossing, bring you their views and predictions on the first of those two matchups here. You probably will not be surprised to find what their respective positions are.

Manic Doug: So has Cam Newton been suspended yet?

Depressive Doug: Seriously? Is that what you're waiting on? 'Cause if it is, this is gonna be the shortest preview we've ever done.

MD: No, Eeyore, I'm just trying to feel out every angle I can. Any little competitive edge we can get is gonna help us.

DD: First of all, I'm sure Mr. Newton is ever so flattered by your characterization of him as a "little" edge, not to mention the Heisman Foundation. Second, am I to infer from this that you're actually worried about the Dawgs' chances with him in the game?

MD: Well, of course I'm worried, dumbass. I'm an optimist and an aggressive drunk, not a complete idiot. But I'm not about to sit here and say that having to face the best player in the country automatically dooms us to a loss.

DD: Well, no problem there. I'll be happy to do it for you.

MD: What a shock. OK, then, answer me this: Can you name one guy on Auburn's offense besides Newton?

DD: Michael Dyer, running back. Darvin Adams, receiver. Mario Fannin, receiver. Lee Ziemba, offensive guard.

MD: Well, that one kind of blew up in my face.

DD: Onterrio McCalebb, running back. Philip Lutzenkirchen, tight end . . . shall I go on?

MD: Well, congratulations, you read your Phil -- wait, Lutzenkirchen? You made that up. Or else he's a character from a Dr. Seuss book.



DD: Nope, he's quite real, and he's got nine receptions for 81 yards and two TDs this season.

MD: Oh, well! Nine catches for eighty-one whole yards? Screw Cam Newton, it's obvious they don't need him!

DD: Are you anywhere close to making a point here? 'Cause if not, I'd love to go ahead and put in that DVD of the third season of "Mad Men" we were watching earlier, if it's all the same to you.

MD: What I'm saying is that while yes, there are other players on Auburn's roster, none of them have come close to making the kind of contribution that Newton has. Even you have to admit it's pretty much a one-man show. If we stop Newton, we've got a chance at winning. It's that simple.

DD: Yeah, and if I was Superman I could reverse the earth's rotation, go back in time and keep A.J. Green from selling that fucking jersey. So what? How do you propose we stop him?

MD: We don't have to stop him . . . if he stops himself.

(long, very weird pause)

DD: Was there supposed to be some music there? I feel like something was supposed to happen there that didn't happen.

MD: Yeah, I had Dramatic Chipmunk cued up, and then my computer froze on me. Hold on, you take a moment to admire this week's Associated Hottie, model and Auburn polymer engineering major Scarlet South, while I try to make this thing work.



DD: I'm not sure what I find harder to believe about that statement -- the idea that her real name is "Scarlet South," or the idea that there's a chick who looks like that anywhere who's majoring in polymer engineering.

MD: You want to go look it up, be my guest. All right, here we go. What was I saying again?

DD: Something about Cam Newton "stopping himself" that I can only imagine was beyond inane.

MD: Right, right. OK. We won't have to stop Cam Newton . . . if he stops himself.



DD: Bra-fucking-vo. You want to explain this line of thinking before I start regretting having asked in the first place?

MD: OK, check it: For the last two weeks all we've heard about are scandals about Cam Newton -- why he left Florida, what his grades were like, whether his own dad was shopping him around out of junior college, even what kind of traffic citations he ran up while he was at UF. Last week that didn't matter, because Auburn was only playing Chattanooga, and they were never going to keep him out there for that long anyway. But against Georgia, an actual team, and with this recruiting scandal blowing up bigger and bigger with each passing day, that's got to wear on him a bit, don't you think? Cause a bit of a distraction?

DD: OK, you know what? If we were playing stellar defense right now, I might actually be somewhat inclined to agree with you. To a point. But you can't honestly believe that "distraction" alone is going to be able to keep Cam Newton from running wild on us.

MD: Why wouldn't it? Auburn's offense is clearly biased toward the run, and I don't know if you noticed or not, but Georgia's got the #13 run defense in the entire country. And only a tick behind South Carolina in the SEC.

DD: Yeah, fine, but it's one thing to clamp down on the running attack of a team like Idaho State or Vanderbilt. We still can't stop a running QB to save our lives. You saw what Trey Burton did to us a couple weeks ago, right? And even Burton's not anywhere close to the level that Cam Newton's playing at right now.

MD: But we've got another ace in the hole, which is that Auburn can't pass. Their aerial attack is ranked 73rd in the nation at the moment -- they're just barely getting up over 200 passing yards per game.

DD: Can't pass, or just doesn't need to? They may be going to the air only sparingly, but Newton is still number two in the country in pass efficiency. He's completing more than two-thirds of his passes and has only thrown five picks all year, compared to 19 interceptions. Hell, he went off for 317 yards passing against Chattanooga just last week.

MD: Pfffft. Chattanooga. You don't think we can clamp down on their receivers a little better than the Mocs did? Is that all the credit you're prepared to give us?

DD: All I'm saying is, the dude can pass, whether they actually need him to or not.

MD: Look, is Cam Newton going to roll up some yards? Of course he is. And is Auburn going to score some points? Sure. But I refuse to believe that we can't keep up with them on the scoreboard. Look at the points they've let people roll up -- 27 to South Carolina, 34 to Kentucky, 43 to Arkansas. Hell, they even gave up 24 to Chattanooga, and not all of that in garbage time, either.

DD: So what you're telling me is that Georgia's going to be able to keep up with the SEC's best offense in both yardage and scoring, huh? Is that what I'm supposed to take away from this?

MD: Why not? Auburn has the second-worst pass defense in the league right now. And you've seen what Aaron Murray can do when the opposing defense has A.J. Green to worry about. Even against Florida, even in a game where he threw three picks, he still managed to go off for three TDs and more than 300 yards. And that was against a good secondary. Auburn's pass defense is going to be ripe for the picking.

DD: Well, if Murray decides to throw three picks again this weekend, we're fucked no matter how vulnerable their secondary supposedly is. But let's say, just for the sake of argument, that they really are going to play that badly against us. What if we can't keep Murray upright enough to take advantage?

MD: Why wouldn't we? Our pass protection has come around the last few weeks -- only three sacks allowed in the last month.

DD: Yeah, but none of those teams had a Nick Fairley to throw at us. Fairley is second in the SEC in sacks, right behind Justin Houston, and number one in tackles for loss. You'd better be crossing your fingers for both Aaron Murray and our running game with a guy like that on the other side of the line.

MD: Our running backs are going to be fine. Yeah, Auburn's run-defense stats look good on paper, but it's not like they've had to face that many elite running backs this year.

DD: I'm touched that you think our running backs qualify as "elite." OK, Pollyanna, hit me with your prediction -- just give me a second to get my popcorn ready, I'm sure it's gonna be a doozy.

MD: Well, again, it could very well be a shootout. But Auburn's gotten caught up in shootouts before -- Kentucky and Arkansas, right off the top of my head -- and we've got a better defense than Kentucky and a more balanced offense than Arkansas. I think we'll keep within striking distance of Auburn for most of the game, make a couple stops on defense when we need to, and then Aaron Murray will lead us down the field for the winning touchdown with less than 90 seconds to play -- sort of a replay of the "Prayer on the Plains" from 2002. Georgia wins, 37-34.

DD: That'd make for a great story, and I'd be as thrilled as anyone if it came to pass, but I just don't see it. I think Auburn, like four of the five teams who have beaten us this year, rockets down the field to a touchdown on their very first drive and puts up a multi-score lead on us before we even have a chance to blink. The offense gathers itself, starts getting into a rhythm, but they're playing out of a hole and the pass rush really has an opportunity to key in on Aaron Murray once it becomes clear we've got a big deficit to make up and not a lot of time to do it. Auburn wins big, 42-23.

MD: Wow. I mean, you've predicted losses here before -- lots of 'em -- but three touchdowns? That's depressing even by your standards.

DD: Maybe, but at least it's grounded in something resembling reality. You really think we're going into Auburn and coming out with a win over the number-two team in the nation?

MD: You act like we've never done this before. Four years ago, we were coming off that awful 1-4 stretch -- we'd managed to lose to Vanderbilt and Kentucky, lest you forget -- and we took advantage of an Auburn team that was ranked fifth in the nation but playing sloppy. Picked them off four times, won by three TDs. This year they've got the distraction of the Cam Newton situation, they're in danger of looking ahead to a huge Iron Bowl matchup in a couple weeks, we're playing in Auburn, where we've won six outta the last nine . . . and come on, you can't seriously think that a Gene Chizik team is gonna run the table, do you?

DD: Not really, but at this point it doesn't seem any less probable than a five-loss Georgia team knocking off a top-three Auburn squad led by a Heisman frontrunner.

MD: Man, fuck that. The intangibles all break in our favor. Auburn is the one feeling the pressure, both in terms of the national-title race and whatever the NCAA is looking into regarding Cam Newton. This is our time. This could be our chance . . . to stun the world.



(Another long and embarrassing pause)

DD: Yeah, if it's all the same to you, I'm gonna go put in the "Mad Men" DVD now.

MD: Well, our predictions average out to a 38-30 win for Auburn, so congratulations, you've managed to massively skew another one in favor of a Georgia opponent. But it's cool -- I'll be sure to bring you back an awesome souvenir from Auburn after we win. You know, since I'll be going to the game and all.

DD: Fan-flippin'-tastic. As long as you come home under your own power, as opposed to me having to come out to Auburn and bail you out of someplace, your clean criminal record is all the souvenir I need.

MD: Suit yourself. I'll do my best to stay out of trouble. . . . Or will I?

Manic-Depressive Preview: Yes, we're doing Idaho State.

After three straight inspiring wins, our previewers resumed having their hearts ripped directly from their chests last week. Each of them took the overtime loss to Florida in different ways -- Depressive Doug fully expected a demoralizing loss, so he just got drunk and went to bed. Manic Doug, however, drove all over the neighborhood playing Kool Keith's "Spankmaster" album at maximum volume and trying to pick up MILFs out trick-or-treating with their kids. (You don't want to know what his costume was.) Neither pursuit proved terribly productive, but they've done their best to shrug off their disappointment and put forth an effort to say something meaningful about this weekend's game against DI-AA Idaho State. Well, one of them did, at least.

Manic Doug: Dude. Get up, bro. Up and at 'em.

Depressive Doug: Why?

MD: 'Cause we have to preview Idaho State.

(long pause)

DD: No we don't. (rolls back over)

MD: Come on, man. If I have to do it, you have to do it.

DD: Why do either of us have to do it? I mean, it's Idaho State. They're a I-AA team, and they're not even a good I-AA team. We'll be lucky if even two-thirds of the people who bought tickets actually use them. Why are you so jazzed about doing this, anyway?

MD: I wouldn't say I'm jazzed, exactly, but at the very least, it'll be a nice way of bouncing back from the Cocktail Party and laying a hurtin' on someone. Build back some confidence, like. I'm gonna go tailgate, bring the dog, hang out in Athens for an afternoon . . . I'm even bringing donuts. Oh, and I even found an Associated Hottie -- Stacy Dragila, the first woman to ever win an Olympic gold medal in pole vault, went to Idaho State.



DD: Well, I'm very proud of you for finding that out, and hope you get to use that little nugget on "Jeopardy!" someday. But I don't care if she won 10 gold medals and cured cancer, it ain't enough to get me excited about this game. We'll probably spend the first quarter licking our wounds, only kick things into gear around halfway through the second quarter, hold an embarrassingly small lead at halftime, and then wear down their depth in the second half to make the final score look somewhat respectable. Whoop-dee-doo. Maybe if we'd beaten Florida I'd be up for this, but . . . seriously, dude, who cares.

MD: Yeah, you know what that sounds like? The prediction you gave right before the opener against Louisiana-Lafayette. Which we ended up winning 55-7. See, you're so convinced we're still gonna be bummed about the loss to Florida and come out flat and distracted, but I think just the opposite is true -- they're gonna be looking for some redemption, looking to build some confidence, and they're really gonna lay a hurting on ISU. And they should be able to -- the Bengals have a terrible offense and an even worse defense. I'd put money on a shutout happening, if I had any left.

DD: Yeah, how much did you bet on the Dawgs beating Florida? No, wait -- don't tell me. It'd only make me more depressed. Fine, yes, we are superior to ISU in every phase of the game, we have better athletes, better coaching, blah blah blah, but I still don't see how anyone on our side is gonna get up for this game. And really, a shutout? Florida was completely hopeless on offense for the first two month of the season and we still ended up making them look like they still had Tebow on the roster. We're gonna let them get past us for at least one or two scores.

MD: We didn't against Tennessee Tech last year, and Idaho State is probably even worse than they are.

DD: Yeah, but they do have the number-two punt returner in DI-AA, Tavoy Moore, and the number-one punter. Don't think we can count on winning the field-position battle this week.

MD: It won't matter if we win every other battle. Seriously, are you listening to yourself? "Number-two punt returner in DI-AA"? That's like being the second oboist in the Pyongyang Symphony Orchestra.

DD: Fine. Tell me your score prediction, if you're so confident.

MD: Aaron Murray's looking to atone for throwing three picks last week, so he comes out bombing away. A.J. Green goes well over 100 yards and pulls in a couple scores; Washaun and Caleb each get close to 100 yards themselves.
And yes, we pitch a shutout, because the Bengals have no running game whatsoever and they're giving up about four and a half sacks per game. Justin Houston is gonna pad the hell out of those sack numbers, and a couple guys on our second or third string probably will be, too. Final score, fifty-nine to nothing.

DD: Well, that sounds lovely. I stand by my original prediction -- we're up maybe, oh, 17-7 at halftime and finally stretch it out to 41-14 by the end of the game.

MD: You don't think we're gonna beat Idaho State any worse than we beat Tennessee?

DD: I hadn't even taken the energy to remember that that's how many we beat Tennessee by, if that clears things up for you.

MD: Well, our predictions add up to a 50-7 win for the Dawgs, which I'd be fine with. Still think we're gonna get the shutout, though.

DD: Well, fine. Think it over there. I'm busy cowering in fear that this is the last win we get this season and we don't end up going to a bowl.

MD: Why does talking to you always make me want to kill myself?

DD: Uh . . . because my plan is working perfectly?

MD: Fine, be that way. But when I come home with a belly full of donuts and wonderful memories of a seven-touchdown Georgia ass-thrashing, you're gonna be jealous.

DD: Somehow I think I'll deal with it.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Preparing for anarchy in the UK.

Considering how miserably the first month-plus of the season went, it's been a downright giddy household for our Manic-Depressive Previewing duo the past couple weeks. Manic Doug has been calling the Tennessee state capitol every hour on the hour asking when Mark Richt's title deed will be arriving in the mail, while even Depressive Doug managed to say something positive (and unqualified) about the Dawgs the other day. Granted, it was about Uga VIII being a fine and appropriate heir to the mascot bloodline, but still, that was a big step. Now they take on what probably counts as the Dawgs' biggest challenge in a month: a road trip up to Lexington to face a Kentucky Wildcat team that's been quite a bit more dangerous than many people thought they'd be.

Manic Doug: Eighty-one, eighty-two, eighty-three . . . ergh! Eighty-four!

Depressive Doug: You on an exercise kick or something? What's with the push-ups?

MD: One push-up for every point we've scored over the past two weeks. And I'll add one for however many we get against the Wildcats this weekend.

DD: OK, I was watching you the entire time, so I heard you skip from "twenty-seven" to "sixty-eight."

MD: Whatever. You try doing 84 push-ups right after you've shotgunned three beers in a row.

DD: Thanks, I'll pass. You gonna do a push-up for every point Kentucky scores, too, or are you gonna leave that to the Wildcat cheerleaders?

MD: Why the hell would I do push-ups for their scores?

DD: Might be a better workout, the way Kentucky's been playing lately.

MD: Oh, please. We just shut out an SEC opponent and you're gonna give me some woe-is-us speech about how much our defense is going to struggle?

DD: Our defense is getting better, but come on -- it's easy to show improvement when you're going up against Tennessee and Vanderbilt. You have to admit Kentucky is a completely different ballgame.

MD: All right, so other than Randall Cobb, who do I have to worry about?

DD: What do you mean, "other than Randall Cobb"? That's like saying other than World War II, the '40s were a pretty peaceful decade.

MD: Man, you know I don't understand half the historical references you use.

DD: I'd say it's more like two-thirds, but OK, since you asked, who else does Georgia have to worry about? How about Mike Hartline?

MD: Is that a joke? Mike Hartline, who got yanked for a true freshman midway through last year?

DD: . . . And who leads the current number-two passing game in the entire conference, yes, that guy. Laugh at him if you want, but he's got some good receivers and his line protection has been way, way better than anyone predicted. The guy's got some skills.

MD: OK, but look at the defenses he's been going up against. Ole Miss? Akron?

DD: Or how about 349 yards and four TDs against South Carolina last week?

MD: That was against a Carolina team that was clearly due for a letdown after knocking off the number-one team in the nation the previous week. And let the record show he pretty much had to throw for that many yards because they were down 28-10 at halftime. And had Marcus Lattimore not gone down with an ankle injury on South Carolina's very first series of the second half, they probably would've stayed down by that much.

DD: Just saying, our defense has had it fairly easy the last couple weeks. This weekend is going to be anything but. And I haven't even gotten into the fact that Randall Cobb catches passes and runs out of the backfield and throws passes . . .

MD: How long am I gonna have to sit here for this? I'm meeting people later on tonight.

DD: . . . and returns kickoffs and has a punt return for a TD this season. How are we supposed to defend all that?

MD: That's a fascinating question. My guess would be the same way we defended Warren Norman last week, who does all that shit but didn't do anything against the Dawgs.

DD: Warren Norman doesn't throw passes.

MD: Semantics, motherfucker!

DD: OK, I'm not convinced you used either of those words accurately.

MD: Whatever, I still stand by my point: Kentucky isn't going to beat us with one guy, particularly since they're probably not gonna have Derrick Locke back for this game. And here's another question: What kind of Dawg fan are you when you'll launch into the praises of Kentucky's offense before you even mention word one about our own?

DD: A realistic one?

MD: A shitty one, more like. In the first place: Mike Hartline may be good, but he's not as cool or composed as Aaron Murray, nor has he played the kind of competition Aaron has. For his receiving corps, Hartline has Randall Cobb and a bunch of other guys you probably couldn't pick out of a lineup; Aaron Murray has the best receiver in the country, along with Kris Durham and Tavarres King, both of whom have been playing balls-out the last couple weeks, and a fantastic group of tight ends.

DD: Well, Murray's a baller, I'll grant you that.

MD: But did you also know that our running game is averaging only eight yards less per game than Kentucky's? They've been trending downward ever since Derrick Locke got hurt, we've been headed in the right direction since Stacy Searels started tinkering with our O-line personnel. You doubted whether Washaun Ealey and Carlton Thomas would be able to carry the load by themselves last week; they combined for 163 yards and three TDs. They're gonna have Shaun Chapas in the game to block for them this weekend, and they're going up against the second-worst run defense in the conference. It was actually the worst before we shredded Vandy last week.

DD: Hey, I'll even grant you that we're going to score a bunch of points. I just think it's going to be incredibly hard to keep up with Kentucky on the scoreboard.

MD: You want to hear something that'll shock you? Georgia's actually ranked 14th in the nation in total defense right now.

DD: You made that up.

MD: Nuh-uhh! Look!

(pause)

DD: OK, I'm actually kind of stunned that you knew that.

MD: When are you going to stop underestimating me, dude?

DD: Maybe when you stop calling me at work to ask how to use the DVR.

MD: Fuck you, dude, that thing is complicated.

DD: At any rate, yes, Georgia has been improving a lot more than most people have been giving them credit for, perhaps myself included. But again, a big part of that improvement has been getting to play Tennessee and Vanderbilt in back-to-back weeks. Vandy was the first team in more than a month who we didn't let convert third downs all over us, and I'm sorry to break it to you, but Kentucky has exactly the kind of offense that's capable of doing it again. Unless we can find a way for those young guys in the secondary to cover all those Kentucky receivers out there, Randall Cobb first and foremost among them, it's going to be a long night.

MD: So you're saying we lose?

DD: I'm saying it's a shootout, not a blowout, but yes, we lose. They pick us apart with Randall Cobb on the wheel route for as long as it takes to build up a nice little lead, then they go conservative with Cobb and Donald Russell to ride things home to the finish. Final score, oh, I don't know -- Kentucky 37, Georgia 29.

MD: As Sir Charles would say, turrble. Turrble. You should be ashamed of yourself.

DD: That's a pretty safe bet. What do you think is going to happen?

MD: It's a close game at first, we let UK put up a couple early scores, but over the course of the game our guys gradually figure out that they should just double-cover the shit out of Randall Cobb and leave the rest to the defensive front. Meanwhile, Kentucky never quite figures out how to both neutralize A.J. Green and stop the running game now that it's gotten back on track. Another banner day for Aaron Murray, another hundred-yard performance from Washaun, Dawgs win, 41-27.



DD: A two-touchdown victory in enemy territory, huh? Why, because we've been that good on the road this season?

MD: No, because Kentucky is coming off a big victory and they're due for the same letdown South Carolina was last week. Plus Cobb has been running his mouth all week about lack of fan support, and it's gotten written up in all the papers. That's one distraction for them, zero for us, unless you think Uga VIII's cuteness is going to distract us on the sidelines.

DD: No, I think Uga VIII will be the least of our worries this week. Tallying up our score predictions, and it looks like they average out to . . . a 35-32 win for the Dawgs. Quite a squeaker, it looks like -- you'd take a game that close?

MD: And be able to ride a four-game winning streak into Jacksonville against Florida, who, might I remind you, apparently can't keep from tripping over its own shadow these days? Hell yes, I'll take it.

DD: Well, good for you. I hope you're right, of course, it's just that looking over the matchups gives me the sneaking suspicion that . . .

MD: Yeah, blah blah blah, matchups, whatever, just admit that you're a pussy and get over it. Can we get to the Associated Hottie now, or would you like to write a few more love letters to Randall Cobb?

DD: I have never written a love letter to Randall Cobb.

MD: Jeez, and you're annoyingly literal to boot. Here's Emily Cox, graduate of the University of Kentucky in 2008 and Miss Kentucky the same year.



DD: Wow. Hockey, huh?

MD: Yeah. Even if she's rooting for the wrong team, there's something about a girl in a jersey . . .

DD: Particularly when she's proving the stereotype that Kentucky fans pretty much care about every sport other than football.

MD: Wow. Wow. I don't know whether to be ashamed of you for so glibly blowing off a girl in a jersey and no pants, or proud that you actually snuck some trash-talk in there. Well done.

DD: You might as well be the first, because I'm already kicking myself for even that bit of trash talk. I'm sure I've jinxed us already.

MD: Well, while you say a Rosary asking God for forgiveness for that tiny bit of hubris, I'll be composing the posts I'll be plastering all over the Kentucky message boards Sunday morning, busting on them for losing to us in football and for cheating at hoops. Which we're catching up to them in that, too, by the way.

DD: Wow, have you ever met a chicken you wouldn't count before it had hatched?

MD: Have I ever "met" a chicken? What, like exchanged pleasantries with one?

DD: Forget it. I already don't like where this is going.

MD: That makes two of us.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Winning changes everything (except where otherwise noted).

Woohoo! Sweet victory! As you might expect, last week's huge win over Tennessee has completely changed our prognosticators' outlook on football and life -- Manic Doug has been drinking since Saturday night, while Depressive Doug is worrying about . . . well, OK, I guess neither one of them have changed in the slightest. But they still took time out of their busy drinking/kvetching schedule(s) to talk about this week's Vanderbilt game. Here we go:

Manic Doug: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YEAAAAHHHHH!!! Forty-one to fourteen! Suck it, Vols!!!!

Depressive Doug: OK, what possible good does it do for you to be yelling in my face right now? You know I'm not a Tennessee fan.

MD: Yeah, but I know there are some out there, and I want to know how they feel being AARON MURRAY'S BIIIIITCH! WOOOOOOO!!!!!

DD: See, this is exactly the kind of hubris I try to avoid when I'm talking about my team.

MD: The kind of fun you try to avoid, you mean. Seriously, we crush Tennessee by four touchdowns and you can't muster even a little trash-talk?

DD: Ummmm . . . so, uh, hey, Tennessee! Nice to see your offensive line is as weak as your academics! . . .

(pause)

MD: OK, speaking of "weak" . . . but at least you tried.

DD: And see, even that felt like too much. 'Cause it's not like our offensive line has been great this season, either, and . . .

MD: OK, seriously, dude, try quitting while you're behind for once. Unless you've got anything witty cooked up for Vanderbilt.

DD: Aside from the fact that they're called the Commodores because the university founder wanted people to call him "Commodore," even though he'd never served a day in the Navy?

MD: OK, well, that's actually a decent start. Run with that. And while you're working on that, I'll introduce this week's Associated Hottie -- news anchor Molly Henneberg, Vanderbilt '95.



DD: Jeez, what is it with you and Fox News blondes? What about the redhead we used to work with who quit to go to Vandy for grad school?

MD: Who, Claire? Shit, she was hot. You don't still have her number, do you?

DD: You've got plenty of time this week to be a lecherous douchebag. How about you tell me how you think we're going to do against Vanderbilt first.

MD: Oh, that one's easy. Four words: We're. Gonna. Crush. Them. Now can you go look for her number?

DD: Wait wait wait, dumbass, you really think it's gonna be that easy? You have heard that Vandy's no longer an automatic W, haven't you?

MD: What, just because they beat us in 2006? Come on, man. Sure, they play us tougher than they should, but let's get real here -- we crushed them last year when they went 2-10, and they're probably not much better this year. I mean, they've got two wins right now -- a terrible Ole Miss team that lost to a I-AA, and an Eastern Michigan team that should probably be a I-AA. That sound like a juggernaut to you?

DD: No, of course not. But neither did Mississippi State or Colorado.

MD: Forget about them. We were a different team when we lost to them. We've got A.J. back, the offensive line is starting to come together . . .

DD: Why? Because Aaron Murray only got sacked twice against Tennessee?

MD: It's not just the offense: The defense even looked better last week. Justin Houston has gone from a dangerous linebacker to a fucking mutant -- he now has the SEC lead in sacks and he had seven hurries against the Vols. If he keeps that up against Vandy, he's gonna be spending so much time in their backfield he's gonna have to have his mail forwarded. And all that worrying you did about Tauren Poole turned out to be for nothing, because we basically turned him into a non-factor.

DD: OK, I'll give you that one.

MD: So does that mean I don't have to hear you talk about how awesome Warren Norman is? Because I know that's what you were going to do next.

(pause)

DD: Wow. That actually is what I was going to do next. That's kind of scary. But OK, Warren Norman: You really think we don't have to worry about him? SEC Freshman of the Year last year? Averaging 6.2 yards per carry?

MD: Look, he's OK and everything, but if he were really that big a difference-maker, he'd have more than 327 rushing yards after five games.

DD: It's not just him. How about Zac Stacy, who's averaging nearly seven yards a carry? Or Larry Smith, who probably runs better than he throws? Two-headed running threat, mobile QB . . . who does that remind you of? Colorado, maybe?

MD: Yeah, but Colorado had all five of last year's O-line starters returning. Vandy only has one. They're starting a redshirt freshman at left tackle, for shit's sake.

DD: Well, all I can say is I hope the Dawgs' defensive front has improved as much as you say they have.

MD: Look, I'm not saying we're going to shut Vandy out or anything, but you can't honestly think they have the horses to keep up with us on the scoreboard. I mean, Aaron Murray has been great all season, and now that he's got A.J. Green to throw to, he's gone from "promising rookie" to "fucking magical."

DD: No, I agree, he did look fantastic last week. And it's great that he's finally getting to throw to the TEs and fullbacks. I just don't like the idea of depending on him to win the game all by himself.

MD: By himself? Where you getting that from?

DD: You know that Caleb King has been suspended for the next two games, right? And that Carlton Thomas probably isn't going to play because of his hamstring injury?

MD: Well, I guess Washaun Ealey's just gonna have to have a balls-out game, then. Which he should. Vandy's run defense is next-to-last in the SEC.

DD: What I'm worried about is can he even hang on to the ball.



MD: Awww, come on, man, give the kid a little credit. He knows what he's got to work on, and he's due for a big game.

DD: That's it? He's "due"?

MD: Even if he has an average game, we'll be fine. We only got average production from the running backs last week and still won going away. We're going to run up a bunch more points on Vandy this week because Aaron Murray is a stud and because the Commodores just don't have enough bodies to double up on A.J. Green and account for all the other receiving threats we can put out there.

Meanwhile, on defense, Todd Grantham's going to blitz the ever-living shit out of them, which, given the weaknesses on Vandy's O-line, means we take down their QB at least four times. And if the more physical practices we've been having lately mean that we continue getting better at wrapping guys up and not letting them break free for big runs, Warren Norman isn't going to be a big enough factor to matter, either. Even if we only get a so-so day from Ealey and whoever else we put out there in the running game, I think we win by a score of 34 to 13.

DD: Well, as convincing cases go, that's actually not half bad --

MD: And before you whip out some convoluted excuse as to why Vanderbilt is going to pull out some bullshit win, here's something that might sway you: We're going to be anointing a brand-new official Uga VIII right before the game. Here's the bad little dude Russ is gonna be passing the spiked collar to:



DD: OK, that is a fucking adorable little dog.

MD: Right? Now I defy you to sit there and tell me we're going to lose to Vanderbilt on the day that we crown a new Uga.

DD: All right, I'm not going to tell you that. But I'm not going to tell you it's going to be a pretty game, either. I think our offense is going to stumble without Caleb King on the active roster, and even if Vandy doesn't score a lot, I think they get Warren Norman or Brandon Barden behind us for at least a couple big plays, just enough to keep it close. I think it comes down to us having to hold them off on a last-minute drive to escape with a 24-21 win.

MD: Well, at least you didn't pick the loss. That's progress.

DD: Yeah, well, don't get used to it. You have no idea how hard it is for me to go on record predicting a victory, much less a final score for one. I feel like I'm tempting fate. Like God is gonna smite me, or rather my team, for my hubris.

MD: No offense, dude, but I find it hard to believe God cares about you that much. Now, if we could get away from the theological discussions for just a sec, I'm tallying up our predictions and it looks like they average out to a 29-17 win for the Dawgs.

DD: Hey, if that's what it comes out to, I'll take it. I just don't wanna get my hopes up just because we waxed Tennessee. That's how bad things happen.

MD: You know how else bad things happen? You annoying the shit out of me by being a worry-wart, and also not giving me girls' digits when I ask for them.

DD: Why are you depending on me for phone numbers? And why can't you just let me get an ulcer over my football team in peace?

MD: Fine. You nurse your ulcer, I'll stay busy having, you know, a life. But I reserve the right at all times to scream in your face and act like a fucking loon when we win.

DD: I know I couldn't stop you if I tried.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Putting on a brave face is easier when you're drunk.

Needless to say, neither Manic Doug nor Depressive Doug were all that happy in the wake of the Dawgs' agonizing loss to Colorado last week, but they each went about it in different ways. Manic Doug went downtown, got lit up at a bar, and made increasingly overt (and surreal) come-ons to girls he really didn't have any shot with; Depressive Doug stayed home and got drunk, and we're not sure what happened after that, but we think it may have involved him trying to contact a bunch of his ex-girlfriends over Facebook so the less said about that, the better. Somehow, Manic managed to coach Depressive back for another one of these little talks, so here they are, hung over and a little bit bruised in the pride department but otherwise not nearly as worse for wear as they probably ought to be.

Depressive Doug: Dude, don't make me go through another one of these. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

Manic Doug: Aw, come on, man, you look like someone just ran over your dog or something.

DD: Someone did just run over my Dawgs. Four someones, in fact. And somehow each of them has managed to be less talented than the last, yet they still manage to pull out the victory. What's the point, man? Why do we even exist?

MD: OK, first of all, I'm way too hung over for you to be springing this existentialist shit on me right now. Second, it's football, which we still like, even when it nearly kills us. Third, our girlfriend is expecting to be up for Georgia-Tennessee Hate Week, and I'm not gonna disappoint a chick.

DD: Wait . . . does she know about us? Both of us?

MD: Well, she was around for the Georgia-Florida game last year, where I ran screaming around the house and gave the dogs upside-down belly rubs when Georgia kept it close in the very beginning, and then you went upstairs and passed out drunk on our bedroom floor when the game got completely out of hand, so . . . yeah, I'd have to say she's made both our acquaintances.

DD: Oh, God, so does that mean she knows what I did after last week's game?

MD: Probably, but because it was both pathetic and futile, she a) saw it coming and b) didn't think it was getting worked up about. Now can we please get on with the football talk before I seriously start questioning why I even hang out with you?

DD: Fine. Go on and give me your ridiculous reasons why you still hold out hope for a win this weekend.



MD: Hey, I've got perfectly good reasons, not the least of which is Tennessee sucks. But there's an even better one, and it is that Georgia actually looked pretty good last Saturday while A.J. Green was in the game. Which, of course, he will be on Saturday. You're telling me you don't even find a little joy in that?

DD: All I can think about is just how completely dependent the team is on him. What if the Vols find a way to bottle him up? They certainly did last year.

MD: Yeah, but that was a different Tennessee defense. They're not nearly as good this year -- they're actually ninth in the SEC right now in opponent passing yardage and 10th in efficiency, and that's after having faced only one truly elite QB. They let UAB's backup quarterback go off for 373 yards on 'em, and the very next week against LSU, they even let Jarrett Lee have an OK game. I'm sorry, but if you play a game against Jarrett Lee and you don't come away with a single pick-six, I don't know how you can call yourself a defense.

DD: You really think it's gonna make a difference, though, with all the offensive line tinkering we've had to do lately? You can't tell me you're totally confident about that.

MD: Again, it won't matter if A.J. keeps the Vol defense honest and frees up some running room for Caleb King.

DD: Oh, great, another awesome weekend of Guess Which Running Back Is Going To Fumble The Game Away. I love that game. You do know we're back to a negative turnover margin on the season, right? Whereas Tennessee is already +4?

MD: All I know is we were a pretty damn good team last week when A.J. Green wasn't cramping up. I'm going to assume that we won't be running into that problem again this Saturday, hence I'm optimistic.

DD: Remind me to tell you what happens when you assume after we get done here. OK, let's say you're right about everything and the offense does start clicking with A.J. firmly in the lineup. What about our defense? After all you've seen over the past few weeks, are you really confident that Tennessee won't be able to keep up with us on the scoreboard?

MD: Of course.

DD: And why is that?

MD: Because Tennessee's offense sucks. After all you've seen over the past few weeks, how have you not picked up on that?

DD: Two words: Tauren Poole.



MD: Is that a band?

DD: He's Tennessee's starting running back, and he's pretty damn good. Went over the century mark against Oregon and against LSU last week. Rarely goes down on first contact, also catches passes out of the backfield. After the way that we've been shredded by both itty-bitty running backs and mobile QBs the past couple weeks, I can't believe you're not terrified of this guy.

MD: Baby, Manic don't get terrified, particularly when the other team is starting an infirmary ward on the offensive line. No, make that a children's hospital, because Tennessee was starting three underclassmen on the line, and that was even before guys started getting hurt right and left. Now the depth situation has gotten so bad that Derek Dooley is talking about fielding an offensive line that only has four guys.

DD: Dude, he's not seriously gonna start a four-man offensive line.

MD: Why not? He already tried fielding a defense with thirteen. And they're at a point now where if Dallas Thomas goes down for whatever reason, they're almost certain to replace him with a guy who's never played left tackle before. Tennessee's already fourth from the bottom in the nation in sacks allowed this season, and it looks like it could get even worse.

DD: Look, I know Tennessee's not a good team. But neither was Mississippi State, and neither was Colorado, before they played us. And as much as it hurts to say, we're not a good team right now. On paper, we've got a big talent advantage over nearly every team we play, but they're not being utilized well, they're not playing smart, they almost look like they're waiting for the next disaster to happen rather than believing they can win --

MD: Wow, that last part actually sounds kind of like you.

DD: Hey, I'm a reflection of the circumstances around me, all right? As horrific as it is to contemplate the Dawgs being on a five-game losing streak, I'm done believing that our talent advantages are going to carry us through, or that we can't lose to this team or that team or blow X number of games in a row just because we're the Georgia Bulldogs. The stats say we can lose, our record says we have lost, so . . . sorry, I think it's highly likely we get our hearts ripped out again. Tennessee scores a late touchdown, stuffs us on our last-gasp drive -- again -- and wins 26-20.

MD: It must be so depressing to be you.

DD: Uh . . . have we met?

MD: Sadly, we have, and if I could un-meet you, I think I'd give it a try. Not that I don't understand your fears here -- even manic dudes get the blues every now and then -- but you've got to take some good from the Colorado game and think that it really has a chance to manifest itself here. A.J. Green has another career day, he opens things up for the rest of the offense, we hold onto the ball in critical situations and win going away, 38-20.

DD: So our two predictions average out to . . . a 29-23 win for Georgia, which, wow. You really think we're gonna win by eighteen? We'll be lucky to score that many, if the last few weeks are any indication.

MD: Vegas has us favored by two TDs.

DD: Really? OK . . . why?!?

MD: Beats the crap out of me, man -- I don't know how they calculate that stuff, I just bet on it.

DD: Not this week, I hope.

MD: No, not this week -- I think one of those chicks I tried to pick up at the bar Saturday night lifted my wallet. Shoulda known that little five-foot-nothing blonde was trouble on heels.

DD: Actually, that reminds me, does our girlfriend know about that?

MD: No, and she won't, unless she asks me to pay for a bunch of shit this weekend.

DD: Wow. This girl must have the patience of a saint.

MD: Or she's just realized it's futile trying to rehabilitate me, but either way, yes.

DD: So she's OK with the Associated Hottie, too?

MD: Yes, especially this week, because I'm picking one that's near and dear to both our hearts: Dolly Parton, who received an honorary degree from UT last year.



MD: I don't care if she's 64 years old, the lady's got some pipes, and she's still fine as fuck.

DD: Interesting. Not that I don't agree, but I wouldn't have ever pegged you for a country fan.

MD: Honestly, most of it I could take or leave, but I know what I like.

DD: The way you said that makes me think you're talking about something other than music now.

MD: Why, I don't know what you could possibly mean.

DD: All right, fine.

(pause)

MD: I do like boobs, though.

DD: Of course you do.

Manic-Depressive Preview: Climbing down into the crevasse.

It should not come as a surprise to any of you that the median mood of our manic-depressive football previewers has shifted somewhat closer to the "depressive" end of the spectrum since Georgia got humiliated in Starkville last Saturday night. However, Manic managed to coax Depressive off of a ledge with a bag of those Almond Joy pieces and a new Lego set, so the duo has survived intact to bring you their thoughts on Georgia-Colorado. (Be gentle, obviously, with Depressive Doug. It's been touch-and-go.)

Manic Doug: How you holdin' up, bro?

Depressive Doug: I ate the whole bag of Almond Joy pieces. And look! It's the Wampa cave from "The Empire Strikes Back"!



MD: Awww, hey, that's great, buddy! You, uh, ready to talk a little football for the people out there?

(long pause)

DD: I want another Lego set.

MD: Oh, come on, dude, don't do this. You're gonna make me be the grown-up here? You can't honestly think any good is gonna come of that.

DD: I'm sorry, but I just don't have a lot to offer here. We just played one of the worst teams in the SEC, and not only did we let them pound the ball down our throats, we couldn't get in the frickin' end zone until it was long past mattering. Seriously, what's my motivation here? What possible reason could I have to get excited about this weekend?

MD: A.J. Green's back! Wooooooo!!!!! . . .

(pause)

MD: OK, I gotta say, I was really expecting a more exuberant reaction there.

DD: OK, fine, it's great that we're getting A.J. back. I mean that. But he's not gonna be able to help us pass-protect, and he's not gonna make much of a difference in the running game, either.

MD: He will if his presence as a deep threat keeps Colorado from stacking the box against us like everyone else has been doing.

DD: You really think he's gonna make that much of a difference? For all their problems lately, Colorado's run defense is ranked seventh in the nation. They're barely allowing more than 70 yards per game.

MD: Yeah, dirty little secret there? They built that up against Hawaii and Colorado State, who just happen to be the two worst rushing teams in Division I-A right now. As in 119th and 120th out of 120. I know Washaun and Caleb have been a bit of a disappointment this season, but you gotta believe they'll be better than that.

DD: OK, that I did not know, but I'm still skeptical. I just don't think A.J.'s gonna be able to completely turn this team around on his own.

MD: Hey, I'm not saying that either. But he'll provide a bit of a spark. And call me overconfident, but this is one of those situations where I don't think we'll have to score that many points to pull off the win.

DD: It almost sounds like you're fixing to tell me how our defense is gonna suddenly rise up and get it together better than they have at any point since the opener against Lafayette, and if that's the case then I'm gonna have to cut you off right there.

MD: OK, if you keep running your mouth like that I'm gonna buy you another box of Legos and make you swallow 'em. Let's review: What did South Carolina have on offense that we just couldn't stop?

DD: A big-ass running back who never went down on first contact.

MD: Colorado's starting tailback is 5'6" and weighs 175 pounds. What did Arkansas have that we couldn't stop?

DD: Ryan Mallett, a 6'7" behemoth with an RPG launcher for an arm.

MD: Yup. Colorado's quarterback, on the other hand, has a career 13/15 TD/INT ratio and a 113 QB rating. Now, what did Mississippi State have that we couldn't quite get a handle on?

DD: Another rugged running back, and a big, mobile QB.

MD: The running back I've covered; Hansen, meanwhile, has a career per-carry average of less than two yards. See? Look, I'm not gonna act like our defense doesn't have any weaknesses, but so far Colorado hasn't proven the ability to exploit any of them.

DD: But we didn't think Mississippi State did, either, and yet we couldn't get them off the field in the second half. Their running back might be little, but it's not gonna matter if he can get outside the way Chris Relf and Vick Ballard did. They're not going to be sending him up the middle anyway.

MD: Maybe, but he's all they've got. The only guy they've got behind him is a junior who's barely any bigger than he is and has 205 career yards.

DD: Look, here's the thing: I know we've got a talent advantage here. Pass around that petition, and I'll sign it twice. But we had just as big a talent advantage in Starkville last week, and a fat lot of good it did us. The problem here isn't in the talent or in the statistics; it's in the motivation and the coaching. At a time when everybody and his brother is talking about how our program is doomed, we're playing yet another must-win game, and we gotta go all the way out to Colorado to do it. Where the air is thinner and where the crowd will be geeked up because they'll be honoring the 1990 co-championship team at halftime . . .

MD: Heh. Boy, I'll bet that pisses the Tech fans off.

DD: Be that as it may, it's a daunting situation for any number of reasons. Mississippi State was a less talented team who beat us because they just wanted it more; can you honestly say you're not worried that Colorado is gonna be the same kind of team?

MD: Worried? Maybe. A little. But not nearly enough to make me think we're gonna lose. Getting A.J. back isn't just gonna be a shot in the arm from a game-planning standpoint, it's gonna be an emotional lift for everybody on the roster. However geeked-up they are, this is the week we finally get up off the mat and match it.

DD: All right then, sunshine, tell me how it's gonna go.

MD: OK, first of all, the sarcastic nicknames are my department, Cowboy Woody. Second: Yes, getting A.J. back totally flips the script for us. Gives the team an emotional boost and lets us open up the offense the way we've been talking about doing for weeks now. Colorado's pass defense is very beatable, and if they try to double-cover A.J., that's just gonna open up the short game so that we can maybe start throwing to the tight ends for once.

DD: Yeah, that would be nice.

MD: We managed to put together some nice sustained drives in the first half last week before everything went completely to shit; we do that again, and manage not to fumble on the goal line this time, we'll score some points and keep our defense fresh enough to not get ambushed by Rodney Stewart. I think Colorado will come out fairly amped-up, it'll be a close game for a half or so while we kind of try to feel them out, but we pull away in the second half and win 30 to 13.

DD: Well, that's a pretty nice scenario you've drawn up there . . .

MD: And completely plausible. Come on, dude, pick the win. Feel the win. You know this losing streak can't go on forever. The time is right. The stars are aligned. Go with your heart . . .

DD: When you get that close to my face like that, it kind of scares me.

MD: Sorry. I promise I totally wasn't doing it in a gay way.

DD: OK, good, because it kind of felt like that. (pause) (hurriedly) Not that there's anything wrong with that.

MD: Oh, no, no. I mean, it's just that . . . yeah, go on. You were saying? You're going with your heart, and . . . ?

DD: And . . . I just don't see it.

MD: Uhhhhhhh. You're killing me, Smalls.

DD: The offense will look a little better, and I bet A.J. gets behind their secondary for at least one touchdown. But he can't save the team singlehandedly, and our inability to run is gonna come back to bite us even with him in the game. I think it's another close, low-scoring, fairly ugly affair for most of the game, right up until the last few minutes when Colorado puts together a sustained drive, we can't tackle Stewart, and they punch it in the end zone to win 23-20.

MD: Wow. You're really predicting that we'll come home from Colorado with a 1-4 record.

DD: I don't like it. In fact, I kind of hate it. But that's where I'm at emotionally right now, dude.

MD: Well, I've got a couple pieces of good news. First is that even with your dire, spirit-crushing prediction factored in, our predictions still average out to a 25-18 win for the Dawgs.

DD: Well, hey, if that's what ends up happening, so much the better for us. What's the other piece of good news?

MD: We still have the Associated Hottie to get to! And here she is: Casey Parker.



DD: OK, she's cute. What is she, an actress? What's she been in?

MD: Hustler and Barely Legal, for starters.

DD: Well. How proud the University of Colorado must be.

MD: Hey, we've all got a porn connection whether we know it or not. Did you know we share a birthday with two Playmates and Jenaveve Jolie, star of "18 and Full of Sin" and "Three's Cumpany"?

DD: You will be shocked to find that no, I did not know that.

MD: It's a small world, man.

DD: You know, on the one hand it's taking every ounce of muscle control I have not to roll my eyes at all that, but on the other hand I'm actually kind of impressed that it took you five whole games into the season to pick a porn star for the Associated Hottie slot. In a way, I guess that means you're growing up.

MD: Perhaps. But don't get excited, it won't last.

DD: No, I expect not. Speaking of which, I seem to recall you saying you were taking Georgia and the points last week. So are we gonna be able to eat this month, or do we need to have a talk about this?

MD: Heh, uh, actually, like I said, I was kind of drunk last week, and I accidentally put the money on UAB plus the points against Tennessee.

(pause)

DD: Honestly, sometimes I don't know how you manage to pull this shit off.

MD: Don't knock it, dude, that's where your Legos came from.