You know where you went wrong.

Stand tall, soldier.

You all know me as someone who never likes to appear too confident about the Dawgs before any given game; I get jacked, sometimes bare-assed flag-wavingly so, about wins, but during the course of an average week I'm probably a lot closer to Depressive Doug from the Manic-Depressive Previews than his counterpart. So when I looked Holly square in the eye Saturday morning before we packed up for Auburn and said "We're gonna win," that was a big step for me. Between Georgia historically playing well on Auburn's home field even when the Tigers are astronomically ranked, Auburn's shittastic defense, the Dawgs having shrugged off their early-season losing streak, the potential for distraction on Auburn's side and, fuck it, Auburn just being due for a loss, I really thought we had a chance.

And I was right -- for a quarter, at least. No, check that: I was right for a lot longer than that. The commentator on ESPN Radio the next morning said Auburn "dominated" as he was rattling off the weekend's scores, but I didn't see anyone get dominated in Jordan-Hare. "Dominating" teams don't fall behind 21-7 or lead by only four going into the final quarter. The Dawgs hung in there better than you or I or probably most of the people in the stadium thought they would, and I tip my cap to 'em.

But as confident as I was (or tried to appear) before the game, I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said that confidence remained consistent for the full 60 minutes. It started waning around the end of the second quarter, at which point Auburn had erased their two-touchdown deficit and appeared to have wrestled momentum back from the Dawgs -- and Georgia, despite about a minute on the clock, one time-out and a clicking passing game, declined any attempt at answering back. (Which reminds me, we did the same thing against Kentucky and ended up going into the locker room with all three time-outs still languishing on the board.) Even as the bands played at halftime, I found myself thinking, "You know, these are just the kinds of circumstances under which we're prone to just completely fucking things up."


"Yup, this is where things start going pear-shaped. Got it."

And then Auburn hit a beaut of an on-side kick to start the second half, they charged down the field for a TD on the ensuing drive, and my prediction started coming true. Well, not really: We didn't "fuck things up" in a visibly disastrous way, but it became clear that Auburn had found another gear and shrugged off earlier frustrations to hit a level of intensity that just weren't quite able to match.

I guess you can't get too mad about that, given that Auburn is the #2 team in the country and armed with the nation's best player, who, for obvious reasons, had to have been playing the second half pissed. But it does get back to a complaint of mine that's been lingering around this team for three years now: We deal with success worse than anyone in the SEC, perhaps the country. For the most part, we deal with adversity just fine -- look at how we bounced back in the second half of the Cocktail Party -- but God forbid we ever build up a big lead against a good team, we'll immediately start hunting for ways to piss it away. Hit a big play for a score, give up a huge return on the ensuing kickoff. Mount a nice drive down the field, drop a crucial third-down pass or just fumble the ball away entirely. So it goes. I'm sure it says something unpleasant about the state of our program that we're this unaccustomed to good things happening, but that's where we're at.


You will be shocked, shocked, to learn that Murray doesn't have the ball in this picture.

Don't know how much more there is to say about it, other than congrats, Nick Fairley, you did what many thought was impossible and wrested the title of Dirtiest Player in the Country away from your teammate Ryan Pugh. I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed that Auburn's defense only started getting consistent stops when Fairley dropped any pretense of not trying to put Aaron Murray in the hospital? Good luck trying that in Sanford next year, kiddo. And whether it's because of the NCAA or the NFL, I doubt you'll have Cam Newton on hand to cover up for the rest of your defense sucking.

Sorry, how unsportsmanlike of me. I shall do the honorable thing and eject myself from this blog.

But not before a few passing thoughts:

· Both Oregon and Auburn were tested Saturday, and while Auburn shrugged off that test more easily than the Ducks did, I'm inclined to keep Oregon as the #1 on my initial BlogPoll ballot tomorrow, for one simple reason: If Oregon and Auburn end up in the national title game, I've got a lot more confidence in the Ducks' defense being able to come up with a critical stop against the Tigers than in the Tigers' ability to do so against the Ducks.

· Of all the coaches in Division I-A, I never dreamed Bret Bielema would be the one I'd be criticizing for being too big a pussy to go for 90.


Leaving aside for a moment any jokes about the best team in the ACC being sorta like the prettiest girl in the insane asylum . . .

· I don't know if y'all have been following Virginia Tech at all or if you gave them up for dead after they lost to James Madison, but they've now broken off eight wins in a row and appear destined for another ACC title. So is it too early to write off the JMU loss as the product of an embarrassing hangover following a heartbreaker of a loss to Boise State -- the undefeated team that all the TV pundits seem to want in the national-title game?

· UAB Blazers Watch: Wow, you talk about not being able to handle success. UAB scored a TD with 9:41 left in the game to go up 42-34 on East Carolina, and here's how the rest of the quarter went: ECU drives down the field to score a TD and come within two; UAB three-and-out; ECU returns the punt to the UAB 11, scores three plays later to go up 48-42; UAB fumbles the ensuing kickoff, ECU scores four plays later to go up by 12. And, of course, UAB throws an interception at the Pirates' 6 on their last-gasp drive. Thus are the Blazers eliminated from bowl consideration. Fun while it lasted, I guess.

· Wofford Terriers Watch: As if this weekend wasn't soul-crushing enough, the Terriers got shut out in the first half on the way to a 43-13 demolition by Appalachian State. So even if WU beats Chattanooga in their season finale this weekend, they'll lose the tiebreaker to ASU for the Southern Conference championship.

On the other hand, I just realized that Wofford University's initials are WU, as in "-Tang Clan," which is yet more evidence in support of their awesomeness. So they've got that going for them. Which is nice.

A boy named Sooey: The Arkansas preview.

"Go on. Say something. Make a bacon joke. We dare your ass."

Hometown: Fayetteville, Arkansas.

Last season: Started 2008 in about as pathetic a fashion as possible, escaping at the last second from Western Illinois and UL-Monroe and getting blown off the map by a trio of ranked teams before notching a then-stunning upset of Auburn; lost four more games by a total of 19 points before upsetting LSU in the season finale. Finished 5-7, 2-6 in the SEC.

Hate index: Six, all six points thanks entirely to Bobby Petrino. Seriously, Hog fans, if you think for one hot second that this guy's gonna be anywhere near Fayetteville two years from now, you are living a very rich fantasy life.

Associated hottie: I know there is a temptation for us uppity Georgia folk to assume that every woman in Arkansas looks like the big-haired, two-pack-a-day smokers that Bill Clinton bagged while he was governor, but that is unfair. Here, for example, is Amber Elizabeth Bennett, Miss Arkansas 2006 and a proud U of A graduate.



What excites me: It took a little while to get going against South Carolina -- hell, it took a while to get on the field, period -- but our offense proved last week it can blow up in a big way when it wants to. After falling into a 17-7 hole against the Gamecocks, Georgia scored on five of their next six drives, and unlike the Gamecocks, they put the ball in the end zone more often than not. (OK, a couple times we put it in our own end zone, thanks to a safety and a pick-six, but we'll get to that in a minute.)

The bad news is, Arkansas returns 10 of 11 starters from last year's defense. The good news is, that defense finished 72d in the nation in total yards allowed (375.2 yards per game) and last in the SEC in every major defensive category except passing yards allowed (they were 10th). They made some progress down the stretch, but a lot of that had to do with easier competition (only one ranked opponent in the second half of the season versus four in the first half). They corralled the offenses of Ole Miss and LSU in the latter half of '08, but those performances bookended efforts in which they allowed South Carolina and Mississippi State to substantially exceed their season averages in total offenses, and lost to both. If it's November and your D is still allowing 445 yards and 31 points to Mississippi State, things clearly haven't gelled the way you hoped they would.

On the other side, Georgia's wheezing pass rush should get a boost with the return of defensive end Justin Houston from suspension. The Arkansas offensive line is big and reasonably well-seasoned -- all five have some degree of starting experience -- but they were dead last in the SEC and next-to-last in the nation in sacks allowed last year (46). This year they'll have to improve those numbers while protecting a QB who -- and I wish I could remember who said this so I could give them credit -- I heard described earlier this week as about as mobile as a log standing on its end. Ryan Mallett was originally recruited by Lloyd Carr; that should tell you everything you need to know about how fast he is.

Finally, Georgia's sudden explosion on special teams -- kickoffs going into the end zone! long punt returns! kickoff return for a TD! -- will be in stark contrast to their Hog counterparts, which placed a lowly 94th in Phil Steele's special-teams rankings last year. The thing is, for all the success he's had nearly everywhere he's been, Bobby Petrino has never fielded a particularly good ST unit. Last year, they were terrible at covering kickoffs, didn't return KOs or punts particularly well despite all the speed they had at their disposal, and returning kicker Alex Tejada didn't hit a single field goal over 40 yards; if the Dawgs can succeed in turning this into a field-position battle, they've got a good chance at running away with the thing.


Above: a very fast man.

What worries me: In my recap of the South Carolina game, I explained both why giving up 37 points to the Gamecocks wasn't quite as bad as it might've looked and why even our lack of a pass rush might not hurt us as badly against Arkansas as it might against other teams. All that said, though, allowing 37 points to anyone is not something that Bulldog Nation should feel completely comfortable with, particularly considering that top to bottom, Arkansas's talent at the skill positions is nearly on a par with Oklahoma State's (and way, way ahead of South Carolina's). Ryan Mallett may not be mobile, but he's got a cannon for an arm, and a very fast, relatively experienced group of receivers to throw to; they don't have a Dez Bryant, but they have way more depth than the Cowboys. Tailback Michael Smith, all 5'7", 176 pounds of him, was second only to Knowshon Moreno in the SEC last year in rushing yards per game and could easily have been #1 if he hadn't been hampered by injury the last few weeks of the season; this year he returns with a far stronger supporting cast in the backfield. If we allow these guys to get as lonesome in our zone coverage as some of South Carolina's receivers got last week, it's going to be a frustrating night.

Then there's the matter of turnovers. Georgia is currently on pace to finish the season with a -15 turnover margin, and I don't care who you are, nobody ever accomplished anything worthwhile in a season with a number like that. We can push around the Razorback defense all day and it won't matter if we keep coughing the ball back into their waiting hands; they only had one game all of last season (Tulsa) in which they finished with a positive TO margin, but then South Carolina only had three such games and still managed to finish +2 against us (all three of our giveaways being random, unforced, and ridiculous). We've got to do a better job of holding on to the ball, and while I'd like to think that this is the kind of thing that can be coached out of a player, there's no way I'm just going to sit and assume that that's going to happen.

Player who needs to have a big game: DE Justin Houston. Paul Westerdawg is right: If our pass rush is gonna reassert itself, it's got to start with Houston. Our defense has proven itself capable of clamping down on the run, but that won't matter if Ryan Mallett is given eons to sit back in the pocket and pick away at our young pass defense; as the South Carolina game demonstrated, we really need a pass rusher dominant enough to disrupt the opponent's passing game without having to throw seven or eight guys at the QB, thereby leaving the receivers in free space, on nearly every single play.

What does it all mean? You know what? Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know that I can think of a single time we've been three games into a season but had less of a bead on both the opponent and our own team: Georgia looked terrible on offense but pretty good on defense losing the opener, then looked great on offense but shaky at times on defense in the win against South Carolina; we corralled a superb offense in Stillwater and lost, then let a lousy offense run wild on us at home and eked out the win. Arkansas, meanwhile, has a single who-cares win over a lousy FCS team and that's it. After watching scoring records in the Georgia-South Carolina series get obliterated last week, I'm not sure I even dare speculate what kind of game this will be. The fact that so many people are assuming "shaky pass defense + Ryan Mallett = shootout" only means both teams will be tied at 10 going into the fourth quarter.

A former co-worker of mine asked me the other day what I thought the Dawgs were going to do this year, and I told her we have the talent to do a lot of things really well, we just can't seem to do them well all at once. If we combine the defensive effort against Oklahoma State with the offensive effort against South Carolina, we beat Arkansas by three touchdowns, and in theory there's no reason we can't do that. I'd like to think that the newfound authority Joe Cox and Richard Samuel displayed in their respective games against Carolina will become an ongoing feature, at least against a Razorback defense that has yet to prove itself against a quality opponent. But I'm still dubious as to whether our defense can all of a sudden conjure a pass rush out of thin air, even with Houston coming back. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't steeling myself for a replay of the Carolina game, in which we locked down pretty solidly on the run but let the opposing QB go wild and ended up sweating a ridiculously high score right down to the final seconds.


Just thought I'd throw this in here for inspiration.

But I've already pointed out one of the main factors in South Carolina's head-scratching advantages in yardage (and, at least early on, points): That brutal early stretch of the game where we coughed up the ball twice in prime territory and only held the ball at all for 30 seconds (half of that on Brandon Boykin's heroic KO return). We don't hand the Gamecocks two fumbles on their own individual silver platters, maybe that eye-gouging opening sequence doesn't happen at all and we beat the 'Cocks by double digits. So the key here, clearly, is turnovers. If we stay on top of the TO margin or at least break even, I think we win by at least a TD. If we're minus-one, I think we still win, but only by a field goal or so and we're sweating another one right down to the last few seconds. And if we're minus-two or more, we're in trouble. Yeah, we were behind by that many against the Gamecocks and still managed to win, but I'm not putting any money on that kind of lightning striking twice, particularly in a hostile (and distant) venue.

Basically, I can't think of any outcome in this game that would surprise me. All I can advise our team to do is keep busting heads on special teams, hold onto the motherf%$#ing ball, and play up to the level of your talent. Do all that (so simple, right?) and we'll be in good shape.

If you're trash-talking: Arkansas started off last season needing double-digit fourth-quarter comebacks to win their first two games -- against Western Illinois and UL-Monroe. Their coach bitched out on the Falcons before he'd coached so much as one full season. Their list of "distinguished alumni" contains all-world asshat Jerry Jones, who makes T. Boone Pickens look like a hands-off fan. And they will forever be known as the school that was too weird even for Houston Nutt. That enough to get you started?


PLEEEEASE somebody offer me a new job!

I will run up and down Highland Avenue in front of my apartment wearing nothing but a Georgia flag wrapped about my nether regions if: Georgia wins, holds the Hogs to 21 or fewer points, and doesn't turn the ball over once. Tall order? Maybe, but I'm baring my whole ass out there; only reasonable to expect an equally whole-assed, as opposed to half-assed, effort on the Dawgs' part.

Monday Morning Cage Match XIV:Over the hill, two villainous masterminds square off.

Not to get too grandiose about things, but Saturday night I think we witnessed the beginning of the end of the Steve Spurrier mystique. Not so much because his South Carolina team lost a heartbreaker to Georgia -- clearly, that's happened before on several occasions -- but because it was so obvious that he's lost a lot of his power to intimidate. When Georgia state patrolmen are fist-bumping one another right in front of you after your final attempt at pulling out a win falls incomplete, it's clear that there aren't a lot of people trembling at the sound of your name anymore. (Contrast that to the '95 Georgia-Florida game in which Spurrier dumped 52 points on the Dawgs in their own stadium. Nobody in the state of Georgia's employ was doing any fist-bumping that afternoon, I assure you.)

But it's not like Spurrier is the only so-called villainous mastermind who's started running out of steam on the back nine of his career, either. Ernst Stavro Blofeld, founder of the SPECTRE international crime organization, came to epitomize the "evil genius" archetype even though he got his ass kicked by James Bond nearly every time they crossed paths. Which fading mastermind desperately clinging to relevance still holds the greater claim to the title of Evil Genius? The Cage Match will tell us, as we pit Spurrier vs. Blofeld.

	Steve Spurrier	Ernst Stavro Blofeld
Childhood home	Johnson City, Tennessee	Section of Germany that is now north-central Poland
WINNER: Blofeld
Accessory	Visor	White Persian cat
WINNER: Blofeld
Parodied by	Hal Mumme	Dr. Evil in the "Austin Powers" movies
WINNER: Blofeld
Famous quote	"You can't spell Citrus without UT."	"This organization does not tolerate failure."
WINNER: Spurrier
Greatest success	12-1 record and national title behind Danny Wuerffel in 1996	Getting revenge on James Bond by assassinating his wife on their wedding day
WINNER: Spurrier
Greatest failure	12-20 record with the Washington Redskins	Foiled in his plan to steal a Lektor cryptographic device from the USSR
WINNER: Blofeld
Current status	29-23 at South Carolina (15-18 SEC) and 1-4 against Georgia	Killed after being picked up by a helicopter piloted by James Bond and dropped down a smokestack in the North Thames gasworks
WINNER: Spurrier, but barely

FINAL SCORE: Blofeld 4, Spurrier 3. Steve may have the better career W-L record, but when it comes to villainous megalomania he's still playing from behind.

Stay classy, South Carolina.

From Rep. Joe Wilson's Wikipedia page:

He was active in South Carolina Republican politics from a young age, participating in his first Republican campaign in 1962. As a teenager he joined the campaign of Congressman Floyd Spence, later working as an aide to Senator Strom Thurmond.

Wilson obtained a bachelor's degree from Washington and Lee University in 1969, obtained a Juris Doctor (J.D.) degree from the University of South Carolina School of Law in 1972, worked as a real estate attorney, and co-founded the law firm Kirkland, Wilson, Moore, Taylor & Thomas in West Columbia, where he practiced for over 25 years.

Wilson, the U.S. Representative from South Carolina's second district, has found himself in the headlines for shrieking out "YOU LIE!" during Barack Obama's speech last night.



Clearly, Wilson was convinced his side would roll to victory last fall, but they got stomped, and he resents the winner enough to throw a tantrum about it in a completely inappropriate venue. If that doesn't sum up the Gamecock Experience, what does?

The Friday Random Ten+5 can forget, but it can't forgive.

The Onion's A.V. Club offered up a nice topic in its AVQ&A last week, in which "lifetime grudges" in pop culture were discussed. To wit, are there any actors, directors, musicians, etc. you now consider "blacklisted" because of some horrible piece of crap they've put out in the past, or is there anyone out there you just can't admire no matter what they do at this point? You will not be surprised to find that I have more than a few people in both categories, and now you get to hear about them, you lucky fucks, you. This week's +5 is Five Pop-Culture Grudges I Can't Get Over.



Will Smith
First, a brief diversion into someone who's conspicuously not on this list. A few years back, a film writer for a magazine, I want to say it was Esquire, pointed out that Tom Cruise had become virtually unwatchable in movies because through his choice of roles and the way he'd chosen to portray them, every single role had become about Tom Cruise and what a badass he was, not the material at hand. And he had a point, and Cruise may indeed be a total nutcase, but every once in a while he'll break out of that narcissism just long enough to appear in something fricking awesome like "Collateral" or his towering home-run shot of a cameo in "Tropic Thunder" -- and all I can do is shake my head and think, "Cruise, you may be so crazy that even shithouse rats won't return your phone calls, but I just can't stay mad at you, you magnificent Xenu-fearing son of a bitch, you."

His fellow Scientologist Will Smith, though, inspires no such forgiveness. Because every movie he's been in lately -- "Hancock" being the recent notable exception -- is about how awesome, cool, heroic, funny, friendly, pure of spirit, etc. etc. etc. Will Smith is. His characters are completely devoid of any personal weakness or moral failing, and are, as a result, completely uninteresting. Case in point: In the original novel I Am Legend, as well as its first couple movie adaptations, the protagonist was pitted against sentient "vampire"-like opposition who hated the protagonist because they viewed him as the cause of the plague that had spread across the world and wiped out most of humanity -- thus introducing some real conflict and moral ambiguity into the plot. In the Will Smith movie, though, the "vampires" were reduced to unspeaking, unthinking zombies with no apparent motive or emotions of their own, all the better to make Smith look like that much more of a valiant hero as he goes out and hunts them all by his lonesome. So there was very little suspense, and even less depth to any of the characters; it was Will Smith Good, Zombies Bad, lather, rinse, repeat. (And the worst part is, the original ending would've been completely different, more thought-provoking, and more faithful to the Matheson novel.) Maybe "Seven Pounds" was considered bad enough to start turning people off of Will Smith, but either way, I can't bring myself to go see his movies anymore.



David E. Kelley
I've got to hand it to writer/producer Kelley: It took real balls to create a TV series like "Ally McBeal." I can't think of anyone else who would've had the courage to pitch an hour-long prime-time comedy/drama in which all of the major characters are mentally retarded. And they all managed to run a law firm in spite of their disability! Amazing! All that said, Kelley appears to have stuck with his theme of replacing actual depth and characterization with weird quirks and psychoses in combinations that nobody on earth actually possesses, and I can only take so much of that. It might also be time to broaden your horizons and look outside the legal profession for inspiration, dude. I'm just saying.



Dennis Miller
I know what everybody's going to say here: "You only hate Dennis Miller because you don't like the fact that his politics have changed." And it's true, I don't like his politics, but you know what else I don't like? The fact that he isn't fucking funny anymore. Once upon a time, Miller wielded a rapier wit in service of a bullshit detector that went off at the ridiculous excesses of politicians on both the left and the right, but then 9/11 happened, and like so many other people, Miller took that as an opportunity to become a neocon and go completely fucking insane. Now, instead of being just as cynical toward the right as he was the left, he chooses to kiss the asses of the conservatives he's started holding up as heroes, and sorry, but ass-kissing isn't funny no matter who the recipient is. I mean, I was driving home last weekend and happened upon Miller's radio show, and he had Oliver North on as a guest. This is a guy who lied to Congress and sold arms to the Iranians -- whom, incidentally, Miller now thinks are the worst most dangerous people ever -- and Miller's giving him an on-air tongue bath! What happened to Dennis Miller's politics is merely a secondary issue at this point; I just want to know what happened to his brain.



U2
This one hurts, because U2 used to be one of my favorite bands of all time. The Joshua Tree? Transcendent. Achtung Baby? One of the single greatest rock albums ever recorded. I even loved Zooropa, partly because it had the courage to be unlike anything anyone had expected from U2 at that point, but somewhere down the line they lost the nerve to put out stuff like that -- and I think I know when it happened. The halftime show of Super Bowl XXXVI, the one in which U2 played while the names of the 9/11 victims scrolled up on the backdrop, was the greatest halftime show that has ever been or will ever be produced, and yet it was also the beginning of the end for U2, because I truly believe that was the point at which Bono decided "I am going to save the world." And ever since then, U2 has sounded like a band that's more concerned with saving the world than putting out interesting music. Don't get me wrong, How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb and No Line on the Horizon are technically proficient and beautifully produced; they're just not remotely interesting to listen to. Sometimes I just want to strap Bono into a chair and force him to listen to "The Fly" and "Daddy's Gonna Pay for Your Crashed Car" and ask him if he even knows how to write stuff like that anymore.



Kate Hudson
Awww, isn't she adorable? And after her first two lead movie roles, in "Almost Famous" and "About Adam," it seemed like she was a dead-solid lock to become Hollywood's Next Big Thing. But look what she's appeared in since then: "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." "You, Me and Dupree." "Fool's Gold." "Bride Wars." I've said it before and I'll say it again: Kate Hudson stands about as good a chance right now of ever appearing in a good movie again as I do of finding a unicorn with a solid-gold horn and big, beautiful tits on my doorstep tomorrow morning. Her name on a movie poster is as good as a biohazard symbol, as far as I'm concerned. And if it's situated next to Matthew McConaughey's, I reserve the right to burn down the theatre in self-defense.

All righty then. The Ten:

1. R.E.M., "Drive"
2. Pet Shop Boys, "Dreaming of the Queen"
3. The Smiths, "Asleep"
4. Lou Reed, "Sex With Your Parents"
5. Pet Shop Boys, "Always On My Mind/In My House"
6. David Holmes, "Tess"
7. Patton Oswalt, "'80s Metal"
8. Public Enemy, "Welcome to the Terrordome"
9. The Pixies, "Here Comes Your Man"
10. DJ Shadow, "Mashin' on the Motorway"

Your turn, schmucks -- Random Tens and/or pop-culture grudges, in the comments, please.

A memo from the desk of Arnold T. Pants, Esq.:Would you buy a Snuggie, an Awethumb, or a wedding photo from this man?

· Actual conversation my dad and I had a couple days before Christmas, as a commercial for the "Snuggie" was coming on TV:

ME: Ah, yes, the "Snuggie" -- the blanket for the people who are incapable of operating blankets.

DAD: (sheepishly) I ordered one for your mom for Christmas.

ME: Oh. Well, uh, good for her, I guess.

With more than one person pointing out just how much the Snuggie looks like a robe that might be worn for druid rituals, it's probably only a matter of time before someone came up with this: the "Fuggly."



· The "Fuggly," at least is a fictional product. This, however, is completely real, and it's the gayest thing since sliced gay.



That still leaves the question, though:

poll by twiigs.com

· One place you won't be able to buy Awethumb -- or anything else, for that matter, before too long -- is Circuit City, which has filed for Chapter 11 after being crushed under the weight of the economic collapse. As bad as I feel for the thousands of employees who are about to lose their jobs, there's a part of me that's gleeful that Circuit Shitty is being wiped off the map, and here's why: About a decade ago, around the time I was graduating from college, my parents bought me a 27" TV/VCR combo from Circuit City so I'd have a decent TV when I headed off to Lynchburg for my first post-college job. For whatever reason, they went ahead and bought the super-heavy-duty warranty protection that would absolve us for the responsibility of paying for any kind of repairs for three years, no matter whose fault it was -- and I figured this would come in handy shortly after I moved to the L-Boogie, when my cat went tearing ass through the apartment and succeeded in yanking the cable-TV cable out of the back of the television, socket and all. But when we took the TV to Circuit City, their response was, "Oh, the damage was caused by an animal, this warranty doesn't cover that." So congratulations, Circuit City: You fucked with the bull, and you got the horns.

· If I lived in South Carolina, I might not even be able to utter that last sentence if this anti-profanity bill, proposed by State Sen. Robert Ford, were to be passed. To which I respond: Kiss my ass, fuckstick. (Hat tip: Spencer.)



· Let's hope nobody ever takes Sen. Ford on a visit to England, because the mere sight of places like "Butt Hole Road" or "Titty Ho" might be enough to give him an aneurysm. (Actually, that may be a reason to take him there, now that I think about it.) But I'm a little disappointed that the story restricted itself to the British Isles, thus depriving all of us of a little bit of history on places like Pussy, France, or Fucking, Austria. (One thing I think is hilarious in the latter's Wikipedia entry is the sentence "The village is . . . half an hour by car from the town of Petting, in Bavaria." Which means it only takes you 30 minutes to go from Petting to Fucking.)

· The 20 All-Time Greatest Photo Bombs. Scroll through the entire list and see if you're not giggling like a six-year-old halfway through. I'd love to know the story behind this one. Then again, maybe not.