Olive Garden Confidential: The Lost Episodes X.

Hate the "Olive Garden Confidential" series with every fiber of your being? If so, then you're in luck -- this is the last installment, at least until someone throws me some embeddable video I haven't used yet. I'm particularly interested in the ad where the dad takes the daughter and all her college roommates to Olive Garden. Oh, there's gonna be a great one for that. Until that glorious day, though, here's the 10th and (for right now) final installment in the series, "Maturity."

(As always, watch the original here first.)



SCOTT: Little brother: first bowl -- always alfredo.

KEVIN: Meat sauce.

SCOTT: Alfredo!

LITTLE BROTHER: Yeah, yeah. When are you gonna teach me how to get a girl to show me her boobs?

SCOTT: What???

LITTLE BROTHER: I want to know how to score chicks, 'cause I want to see their boobs. (awkward pause) You told me you were bringing me here to give me some brotherly advice -- you didn't mean you were going to advise me on choosing pasta dishes, did you?

SCOTT: Uh, yeah . . . that's all we were going to do.

LITTLE BROTHER: Great. I'll be a virgin until I'm 35, but at least I'll know what sauce to order until then. Thanks for nothing, you Kirk-Cameron-looking motherfucker.

ANNOUNCER: Olive Garden's Never-Ending Pasta Bowl, with new five-cheese marinara! Pick any sauce and pasta combination, then another, just $7.95. Have all you want.

LITTLE BROTHER: All right, fine, I'll try the five-cheese marinara.

SCOTT and KEVIN: (in high-pitched unison) Where did you see that?!?

LITTLE BROTHER: (shaking head sadly) What a couple of queers.

ANNOUNCER: At Olive Garden, when you're here, you're family!